[Diarmuid had known what he had done was wrong, but actually hearing Kariya say it makes him feel like someone has just pulled his heart out of his chest. His fingers curl in on his hands, nails digging into his palms though the little sparks of pain that accompany his skin breaking under the pressure feel like nothing compared to pain in his chest.
He might not be able to remember what exactly brought him to the state he had been in during the experiment, but he does remember enough to know Kariya's quest to get back home had been a big part of it.]
That was wrong.
[His breath hitches as he tries and fails to force another apology from his lips. The words cycle over in his head so loud that he misses a lot of what Kariya is saying even though the other man is standing right in front of him.]
That was wrong.
I know! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
[Diarmuid's not sure if Kariya is finished speaking or not, but the words won't stay in his mouth any longer.]
I knew how wrong it was but I still did it. I just wanted you to be happy. That was all that mattered! Even if it meant cutting out and killing the parts of me that said it was wrong. I just needed you to be happy! I couldn't fail again!
[Suddenly, all the anger and emotion flow out of Diarmuid and he slumps down, curling in on himself as best as he can while still kneeling. When he speaks, his voice is small and broken.]
And I failed anyway. I am no knight. I'm just a failure. You should not ask me to help you. It will do no good.
I'm sorry. The Servant you're attempting to contact is having a mental breakdown. Please try...
[Diarmuid had known what he had done was wrong, but actually hearing Kariya say it makes him feel like someone has just pulled his heart out of his chest. His fingers curl in on his hands, nails digging into his palms though the little sparks of pain that accompany his skin breaking under the pressure feel like nothing compared to pain in his chest.
He might not be able to remember what exactly brought him to the state he had been in during the experiment, but he does remember enough to know Kariya's quest to get back home had been a big part of it.]
That was wrong.
[His breath hitches as he tries and fails to force another apology from his lips. The words cycle over in his head so loud that he misses a lot of what Kariya is saying even though the other man is standing right in front of him.]
That was wrong.
I know! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
[Diarmuid's not sure if Kariya is finished speaking or not, but the words won't stay in his mouth any longer.]
I knew how wrong it was but I still did it. I just wanted you to be happy. That was all that mattered! Even if it meant cutting out and killing the parts of me that said it was wrong. I just needed you to be happy! I couldn't fail again!
[Suddenly, all the anger and emotion flow out of Diarmuid and he slumps down, curling in on himself as best as he can while still kneeling. When he speaks, his voice is small and broken.]
And I failed anyway. I am no knight. I'm just a failure. You should not ask me to help you. It will do no good.