breath one | text

[longwinded]

[Say hello to John Egbert. Say hello to John Egbert's angry texts.]

all questions aside about what the hell is going on here.
who broke my hammer?
because that is just messed up.

[He sends another out a few moments later.]

who is even seeing this?
hi i'm john.
to anyone out there.

Comments

text

[longwinded]

[Uhhhhhhhh.]

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i don't want the customer service hours.
please direct me straight to fix-it hotline.

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

were sorry this service has been discontinued on account of the end of the fucking world
thank you for continued patronage and hope you have a nice day

text

[longwinded]

oh man.
what a bummer.
can't even get to customer service around here.

[He wishes sarcasm had a font.]

can i continue speaking to the red text?
or is that not a thing?

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

[Don't worry, sarcasm was most definitely a universal constant regardless of text settings.]

this line has been assured for stability throughout any potential doomsday scenarios
you may continue speaking to the red text :V

text

[longwinded]

[Very good.]

hm.
well if you say so.
hello mysterious red text.
who ended up not being as helpful as i assumed it would be.

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

hello john

[damn if only this had been like dave egbert or something that joke would've been way better--]

thats rude bro
you might hurt a poor mysterious red texts feelings with words like that!

text

[longwinded]

hey there.

[It really would have. But hey, he's giving her props here.]

the red text got my hopes up.

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

in that case this red text will do you a kindness and pre-emptively warn you that they are not dave strider
you probably figured that out already but hey better cover all my legal bases here
your daves around here somehwere though youve probs already talked to him anyway :)

text

[longwinded]

i was gonna say.
"guess you can never have enough dave strider".
but i was wrong.
and what other strider uses red text?
i don't recall.
oh yeah, i hung out with him earlier.
it was pretty chill.

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

red text is an honor strider tradition spanning all across the recesses of paradoxspace!
no other strider you know though

yeah hes a pretty chill dude
kind of a sissy though hes totally whipped by his pet ninetails

text

[longwinded]

well.
then if it's no other strider i know.
which strider is it?

hahaha.
that dave seemed pretty cool.
he let me see his pokemon.

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

jade strider
i think in your universe im harley so feel free to vent your confusion and bewilderment well be having a q&a in five minutes for your convenience

oh pokemon dave!
theres also a pokemon john and pokemon rose
basically we got a lot of pokemon here

text

[longwinded]

i would vent my confusion.
but i think i'm starting to learn to expect the unexpected.
or some shit like that.

oh yeah i ket them.
they're all pretty cool!
and actually have pokemon.
spoilers.
i doubted all of them.

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

hot damn gold star for you then egbert
you get top marks for the day in your education of trans-universal horseshit!
gratz kiddo

hahahah i know right
its like our lives walked right out of a nintendo commercial
all these chill kids gettin along with their little handhelds
and then you suddenly go to trade for another electric rat sensation and it just jumps right the fuck out of your screen!
suddenly youre in johto ready for the adventure of your goddamn life

text

[longwinded]

thanks!
i'll treasure this gold star.
:)
stick it on my trunk.
marvel at it.

i've been a few weird places in my life.
but hahaha.
never somewhere as weird as here.
let me tell you what.

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

you be proud of that star
save it
show it to your kids
random strangers on the street
at family reunions
you fucking earned that star ;)

trufax
for all the bullshit the medium dishes out it sure wasnt a 100+ floor tower
(btw yeah 100 floors)
(hope you have your running shoes)

text

[longwinded]

oh man.
i'm so flattered right now.
i'm smiling.
:)
^like that

oh goodie.
hope this place has a map.

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

shit man its the smiles like that that make this incredibly unlucrative sticker-star dishing out business all worthwhile
makes my heart grow real warm right here you know

no they didnt invent that option for the poketch anymore
..actually idk if they invented the poketch since were stuck on something that looks like its from 1988

text

[longwinded]

man.
you're making me all fuzzy inside.
good end to a bad day.

poketch?
:|

text

[reddeadvirtuoso]

its what im here for
spreading smiles to the world
:')

you know those like half phone half watches half PDAs half mobile computer half radio half magical tech bullshit they introduced in one of the games