animus_network

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If it matters to anyone, Homura Akemi is gone. She left a while ago, actually, but I haven't had time to announce it. I'm not sure if anyone was close to her, but in case you knew her...

[ Her voice trails off. There's a small pause afterwards. ]

I haven't been myself for the last week or so. I'd like to apologize for what happened. [ If anyone encountered her during the event, they should know what she's apologizing for. But she shouldn't have to, is what most people would think. But this is Mami we're talking about.

Her voice cracks as she continues: ] If there's any way I can make it up to you, please don't hesitate to ask. Anyone, for that matter. I wish to help those in need.

I don't want to hurt anyone again.

[ The feed ends, without any other farewells. ]

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I found out myself what happened to her. It is...unfortunate.

[Just when he convinced her to attend his school too.]

I was wondering why Homura stopped coming to see me...

[Madoka sounds more then a little sad about her friends departure.]

Edited 2013-05-02 00:19 (UTC)

[Diarmuid's voice is soft and full of concern.]

Mami, I am so sorry about your friend. I know all of those girls mean so much to you. Is there something I can do to help? I know we were going to talk later, but I would be glad to listen now...

_{[Sayaka's opinions of Homura are... complicated. She can't really hate - or even actively dislike the girl anymore. And she definitely can't be angry or derisive at someone who's even right now suffering through that awful, devastated Mitakihara she must be seeing -

but it feels disrespectful to the truth to talk like they were what you would call 'actual friends.' So she doesn't say much of anything about Homura, and focuses instead on the desperation in Mami's voice.]}

Mami-san - I promise, nothing like all that is going to happen again! The real you, the you that's regretting that mess isn't the one that hurt anyone.

You saw her grave as well?

It's unfortunate.

Perhaps... It's for the best though.

Yes. I tend to try and see if more have been added.

[Because so many people have left this place...]

I don't know.

I just need some time to myself I guess.

Miki-san...

[ She's silent, trying not to cry. ]

I thought I was strong enough. At least, I thought I had a bit more sanity than I thought. I couldn't stop myself...

It's growing in size.

I don't want to think about who else I might see. [ She already saw the other Kyoko's name there. ]

We'll get them back. I know recent experiments can take their toll, and one can fall into despair, but make sure you can pick yourself up, or have others to help you.

_{[What is 'strong enough,' anyway? For a brief flicker, Sayaka remembers a friend informing her, week by week, just exactly how less human he was now - all matter-of-fact, as more and more bits of him were swapped out for circuits. She remembers how much he was torn up in the head, when he got to become himself again.

Countless other times and people similar things have happened to.

A deep conviction drawn from too much experience colors her voice.]}

It isn't a question of how strong you are. Just think of it like some kind of natural disaster, like a very bad storm, okay? It isn't controllable. It's something we have to just hold out and weather through season by season, so...

Yes...She won't have to go through all those horrible experiments anymore at least.

I understand. I honestly do. When things were so rough for me, I took a lot of time to myself to try and sort my feelings out. I would never deny that to you.

[He pauses a moment in thought before continuing.]

I don't know if this will help you, but while I was sorting out my thoughts, I did a lot of writing in the sketchbook that was in my trunk. It wasn't even always something important, but writing stuff down helped. Do you think it would help you? I could see about sending you some paper from one of my books if you think it would. Sometimes getting the words out on paper can help you sort out things that just won't sort in your head.

I have kept my notes because I feel like I still have a lot to work though and looking back over them might help, but if it would make you feel better to destroy what you write afterward, that is always an option-a way of finally turning loose those feelings.

Hey...if ya need help, y' shouldn't be afraid to ask for it too. Are ya gonna be okay?

[Saki can't bring herself to face Mami. Not after hearing this. Not after last month, not knowing what she's feeling right now. Not knowing what she does.]

I - I'm so sorry.

Where are you?

[Straight to the point as always.]

Mn.

You should allow people to mourn. It sounds like you're telling them to get over it after it happens.

... But she's alone out there.

We... We were finally becoming friends...

[ She's silent. ]

I don't know... I've never written much as a kid, personally for myself at least. I guess I could try it.

I.. I guess...

[ She's silent. ]

I just wish I had more control over it. Or at least... [ Didn't kill people. ]

A... Alright.

[ A beat. ] I'll be fine. I just need to clear my head, that's all.

Why are you apologizing?

[ She won't argue. Arguing against Kyoko wasn't a good idea. ]

Library.

That isn't the message I am trying to get across. I am merely saying don't let it drag you under too deep. There's mourning, and then there is giving up hope, which many seem to lean towards over time.

[That hit a little close to home, the sound of light sniffling can be heard through the sound feed.]

Maybe she'll come back someday...I still want to ask her why she was so nice to me.

I think everything is worth a try at least once. You never know. It might end up helping more than you think.

[Tomorrow she will find some paper, neatly folded and bound into a small makeshift book in her mail.]

I...hate seeing you this upset. I really wish there was more I could do...

I, I'm sorry too. About hurting you...

Perhaps. I just want her safe, that's all.

[ pause. ]

You're Madoka Kaname, no matter what world you're from. Homura knows that. You're someone close to her.

[ It hurts to say that actually. Maybe because no matter what, Mami will never have a relationship with Madoka that's similar to the relationship she has with Homura. ]

[ She's silent. ]

I'll... Be fine. I just need some time to think. Distract myself a bit too.

It's fine.

Even though we weren't in the right state of mind, I just can't help but... [ Feel bad. ] I've been through past experiments here, but they didn't hurt as bad as this one.

Distraction is good.

[Diarmuid thinks he hears a bit less sadness in her voice and he hopes that is the case and he's not just hearing what he wants to hear.]

And if you feel up to it and if my friends do have this party I have heard rumors about, I would love to see you there. Otherwise, perhaps we can get together sometime soon for those sweets baking lessens we talked about?

[A nod]

I remember... bits and pieces of the surgery. It was really scary... and with all the people I met after that...

M-Miss Tomoe.... [They made her into a monster too? Just like that boy who had killed her? How awful. How both of them must have suffered.]

I'm really sorry about what happened to you.

[Madoka's voice perks up a tiny bit.]

I'm glad me and her were able to be friends here.

Stay there. I'm coming.

[The feed cuts. There's no farewells, no promises to see her soon or any other frills to end her speech. Instead, she briskly sets off, arriving just minutes later. She doesn't say anything immediately, but Mami might be able to hear the light sound of her footsteps as she approaches the terminal Mami is sitting at, accompanied by the sound of brunching and wrappers rustling as she digs into a bag of chips--part of her "payment" (or is it supposed to be a reward?) for participating in Jason's little game.]

(ooc: i'm sorry this is so late! ;; i've been sick. i'll understand if you don't feel up to continuing it!)

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