[While chaos listened, any trace of a smile he still had fell, and he attempted to put one of his hands on Sertoria's to calm her down, though this subject was more than unsettling.

To have ones free will ignored and stomped upon like that..it was almost unbearably painful.]

That must have been utterly unbearable for you. To have a consciousness and free will utterly ignored and spat upon must have been like a sharp needle was stabbed into your heart countless times. It is a good thing that you managed to meet Joshua then and escape your captors. I imagine, after awhile, you tried to toss away your free will and forget your kind heart.