Karkat Vantas ♋ ( carcinoGeneticist ) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
papshooshing) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
animus_network2012-09-13 10:27 am
papshooshing) wrote in animus_network2012-09-13 10:27 am
002 ♋ Text
WOW, WASN'T THAT JUST FUCKING FUN
AND BY FUN I MEAN I WOULD RATHER JUMP IN A PILE OF FRESHLY STEAMING SHIT THAN TO DO THAT AGAIN.
I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO GO INTO DETAILS HERE. WE'RE JUST LEAVING IT AT THAT, OKAY?
OKAY.
NOW ONTO SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAT I SHOULD HAVE ADDRESSED EARLIER BUT WAS FAR TOO DISTRACTED BY THE FACT MY MOIRAIL CAN'T SEEM TO KEEP OUT OF THIS NONSENSE FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAYS AT A TIME.
WHICH HAS GOT TO STOP, BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE *MY* LITTLE PUMP BISCUIT CAN TAKE ONE MORE THING HAPPENING TO HIM.
SERIOUSLY, THE KID CAN'T CATCH A BREAK EVER AND MY LITTLE VEINS JUST BURST FROM SYMPATHY AND ALL THAT OTHER CLICHED HOOFBEAST SHIT.
IT'S NOTHING SHORT OF TRAGIC AND I HAVE TO WONDER WHOSE BAD SIDE HE MUST HAVE GOTTEN ON
OR IF THERE'S THIS SICK FASCINATION WITH HIM ON THEIR PART.
ANYWAY, PRETTY SURE MY INTENT HERE WASN'T TO RAMBLE ON ABOUT THAT.
IT WAS THIS:
WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL MY STUFF.
HALF OF MY BOOKS ARE MISSING AND THAT SHIT WILL NEVER BE ACCEPTABLE.
IF I CAN'T WATCH MY MOVIES ON MY OWN GODDAMN HUSKTOP, THE LEAST THAT THIS PLACE COULD DO WOULD BE TO RETURN EVERYTHING IN MY TRUNK ENTIRELY
BUT NO!
LET'S SIT THERE AND LAUGH AT KARKAT VANTAS. SEE WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE HIM FUCKING SING LIKE SOME SONGBIRD.
YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO!
[ Filtered to Signless ]
AS FOR YOU.
LOOK, THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO...
YOU SEE, I HAVE THIS
OH FUCK IT ALL.
FORGET I EVEN CONTACTED YOU.
THIS IS DUMB AND I AM EVEN DUMBER FOR THINKING THIS WAS A FEASIBLE SOLUTION.
no subject
[ and there Karkat goes again. just paces about the room. well the hard part is admitting help, right? now all he has to do is admit faults. seems like he's been doing an awful lot of that as of late. ]
First of all, you got to understand. I fucking hate being like this. Different. All my life I wanted nothing more than to be a goddamn Threshecutioner. Relatively normal like all of my friends instead of... This.
[ just kind of gestures to himself at this point. ]
The real problem is, there's this noise all up in the back of my head. Clawing at the surface. It's that stupid empathy and compassion shit that no proper troll should have. ... At least not to the point where I spent so much time and effort getting twelve trolls to work together so no one would die. It's not natural to give a damn about lives. But I do. And I've always, always have hated myself for having that sort of sentimental mindset. Rejected it. Started screaming and getting all defensive because no one should see this squishy hoofbeast shit that's my insides. That's weak, you know?
[ another pause and a mild glare with eyes rolling. ] Actually, scratch that. You wouldn't know.
Anyway, so this shadow garbage goes down and I'm staring right into the face of everything about myself that I just loathe. Two options. Accept and deal. Or reject and the thing turns into this monster. I've already fucked up so much... Two guesses what I ended up choosing. My issues. My shit. My responsibility and no one else should deal with it.
So now here I am. Asking how to... Manage.
[ and he's done. shoulders sagging and Karkat feels the weight of all of this. so heavy, at least to him, for someone of six sweeps. ]
I'm a lot of things. An asshole. A failure. But the thing I'm not is a liar.
no subject
Regardless Karkat needed his assistance and had willingly come to him. Signless opened his mouth to speak, but found no words. Instead he smiled and brought a hand to Karkat's shoulder. Softly he pulled him close into a hug, it was a very real possibility that the troll would retreat, but Signless didn't care in the moment.]
It is okay to know your faults Karkat and it is acceptable to be yourself and accept all of you. There is no need to reject who you are and hate yourself for it, simply because your society looks down on it. It is your inner kindness and compassion that has brought you through your challenges and helped you keep friendships. Plus, overcome the curtain of blood hierarchy that traditionally separates us.
It will be hard for you. You hide so much of yourself and who you are to others, it brings me sorrow to see such an act. But, you being here is a grand step in the right path. The truth is I cannot tell you simply how to 'manage' that is something you must come to discover on your own. Hear my words and know that I speak the truth and perhaps they can help you. I am also here to lend my comfort when you need of it.
no subject
people say a lot of things. comfort? Gamzee's there for that. ]
Thought there'd be a little more than that.
no subject
[He continues to hold the younger troll close.]
What is it, try to be specific here so I can try and assist.
no subject
I don't know. Maybe a twelve step fucking program? Tips and tricks?
no subject
Mmmm, perhaps knowing just who you are destined to be might help? Karkat you...are in short a miracle come into being. I knew you would be hatched and would bring peace among the blood types. It was part of the memories I was blessed with to remember.
I can only offer tips that come from my own experiences.
no subject
borderline pale for people? probably. ]
Miracle... Someone else might have said that once.
Sorry I didn't live up to that expectation, I guess. [ because he really didn't bring peace, did he? only death. ]
It's just any tips would be appreciated.
no subject
[He paused for a moment and tried to gather his words before speaking again.]
You did bring peace, death is always a factor Karkat. It is unavoidable. Simply because your friends died does not put you at fault, but I have already told you this and you refused to listen to reason and so I will not press it farther. I will tell you my story, perhaps from it you may learn some 'tips' that will allow you to cope with yourself.
no subject
[ because he's really not here to argue. not this time. Karkat is too tired and drained from his experience to do that. ]
no subject
[He himself comes to sit down on the floor and comfortably crosses his legs. He takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly before he continues.]
I'm not sure what you know of my story, but I suppose starting out is a wise place to start. I was raised under different circumstances than you might be accustomed to. The Dolorosa, she has come to be called, raised me as a grub to what I am now. I guess it's where I learned to be sympathetic to my kind. I was never raised the traditional way, by a rampaging monster for one. Not to bare offense to those who have, but it puts a different perspective on your views.
Secondly it is to be known, that I was gifted with prophetic visions of our planet in a different state. A planet of peace and compassion. I was able to use these visions to look forward to a new outlook in our Alternian culture. It was fortold that another of my blood color would be born and lead in my footsteps, so to speak.
[He offers up a small smile.]
So I appealed to those of the lower bloods. I simply spoke truth and showed them my own color and how if I could speak out against her Imperial Tyranny, then why couldn't they. I treated them as equals, as trolls, not as those who had a color class associated to their blood.
[He pauses for a moment not wanting to lose the attention of the troll.]
Shall I continue?
no subject
thus he regards the tale being told him with some slight skepticism and doubt. a grub raised by another troll? HA HA HA. if it's true, that might explain a lot of things right there. it makes Karkat thankful for his Lusus. his Lusus that he truly does miss. a lot. ]
Go on.
[ prophetic visions... that's something Karkat is also unsure of. he doesn't think there's something RIGHT about it. if this guy had them, then it stands to reason that Karkat would to. IF it's a blood thing. 8/ ]
no subject
I accumulated quite a few followers, some of which were my personal and closest friends that accompanied me through my journey. Now forgive me for using the terms associated with the blood types, as follows, I mean no judgment. My lusus, a jade blood known by the term The Dolorosa. The Psiionic who was a yelllow or mustard [He frowns a bit at the term.] blood. Last my dearest mate, The Disciple who was an olive blood...or green. I really don't try to focus on such technical terms, I am merely explaining so you can understand the situation.
Together we traveled and survived across Alternia, preaching to those who would listen and take my word to heart. I have been continuing it since then, but I take it everything must come to an end. I found myself here not soon after a recent trek and learned of the destruction of our planet. Luckily, or unfortunate if you wish to see it as such, my mate is here as was my lusus, but it is bitter sweet that she has parted this tower. I do hope my Lusus...found a place for herself.