♟ [text] ♟

[vermicompost]

During the past week, when we were thinking differently, I told some people that I have a wife and children.

That isn't true, and I didn't mean to mislead anyone. I've never married, and I have no children. My apologies.

–Kariya Matou

Comments

[vermicompost]

I would, if I could. But I don't know if she would want to go, or if that would be possible. We don't even know how to get home, let alone if we can take other people with us.

[puppy_lancer]

we'll just look for a way then
every time an experiment happens
we get to learn more about the administrators
what they do
what they're like
how they work
or if we provoke them
then we learn things too
we'll have enough information someday

[He says this, but he doesn't know if the information is coming quickly enough.]

[vermicompost]

I know people are looking. I am too, although I haven't found out much. How much do we know now? I don't know how much time I have. [Is he going to die? Or reach a state where he's as good as? Will he go back and find the War is over?]

No matter what, I believe there's a way home, but that doesn't mean I'll be able to bring Rin home with me. She's from an alternate world.

It could be I'll have to leave her, or abandon Sakura in my world.

[puppy_lancer]

i don't know how much i can do
but i'll do as much as I can to help
until we can find that way home

[Find it...and then what? Go back to fight Saber and die? Lancer didn't have that much left in his world.]

that's a cruel choice

[It shouldn't be one that Kariya has to make.]

[vermicompost]

That's what I want to do, too. As much as I can.

[Much like Lancer, even though he wants to go home, he's just going to fight until he dies. He knows that.]

A cruel choice.

[He gives a bitter laugh at the terminal, not that Lancer can hear him.]

That's nothing new.

[His life is full of them.]

[puppy_lancer]

sorry
your life is too harsh

[As much as his own tragedies pained him, Lancer could always remember his own good fortune. Even if he had to make cruel choices before, they weren't on a regular basis. Nor were they of this nature.]

hopefully when you choose
you'll choose the right thing
or, at least, choose something that'll hurt less

Kariya is still poorly attempting to filter

[vermicompost]

Don't be sorry for me. It's partly my own fault.

[Kariya still blames himself for things. A lot.]

I know I'll have to go back to Sakura. I promised I would. That's the most important thing.

and Lancer just runs his mouth/fingers as he likes

[puppy_lancer]

it sounds more like zouken being an asshole
and sakura's father for giving her away

i'll watch over rin for you
best i can, anyways

Well, at least he isn't trying and failing miserably

[vermicompost]

It never would have happened if I hadn't left. Or if I'd done something.

[Done what, he doesn't know.]

But you're right about Zouken and Tokiomi. It's their fault, too.

[Don't even get him started on Tokiomi (again).]

I know Rin doesn't need protecting. But she needs someone who cares about her.

oh there will be a time for that

[puppy_lancer]

that was in the past
no use regretting it now
just look toward the future

i think she has Archer at least

[Though during the experiment, Lancer remembered her saying something like Archer wanting to kill her.]

I look forward to it

[vermicompost]

I know I can't undo the past. I wish I could.

That's what I have to do, to think of Sakura being happy and safe. That's the only future that matters.

[It's not as if he has any future of his own.]

It's true, Archer looks after her, and I'm glad he does, but he might not always be there.

Re: I look forward to it

[puppy_lancer]

hopefully he'll stay long enough for her to find more people who can care for her
i think Saber might
and Saber is a pretty good person

still fail-filtered

[vermicompost]

I hope he stays. Rin seems to like him. [In her disagreeable way.]

One of the Sabers is, yes.

[He really doesn't like the other Saber.]

It's true, she could look after Rin. Rin needs to remember that she's human.

Re: still fail-filtered

[puppy_lancer]

[Staring at the text, he feels sad about Rin's current situation, as well as angry at the people who had let her forget that she was human in the first place.]

hey she has people she likes
that's the first step

maybe i can get my roommate to talk to her too
he's nice
though i don't know how much he'd like her

[He just hopes they won't end up hurting each other.]

[vermicompost]

That's true, it helps. I wish she could talk to me more about how she's feeling. So I could know how better to help her.

Who's your roommate? It would be good for her to have more friends.

[puppy_lancer]

he's a lancer just like me
the grail war is over for him so he probably won't be a danger to anyone

[vermicompost]

Do you mean Diarmuid? I know him well. He's a good person.

He would be a good friend for her, but I don't know what she'll think.

[puppy_lancer]

yeah that's him

i don't know either
we'd need to give her time
let her adjust to talking with him

[vermicompost]

I can ask him. I'm sure he'll be glad to help.

Right. I don't want her to feel like we're forcing friends on her, either.

[puppy_lancer]

i'll even stick around for the intro
just so she doesn't try to hit him

[vermicompost]

Thank you, Lancer. I wouldn't want him to be hurt. He's a good friend.

So are you.

[It's odd that he had to come to this terrible place to make this many friends. He'd had so few back home. Maybe these shared (horrible) experiences do bring people together. Kariya's previous horrible experiences haven't been shared with anyone.]

[puppy_lancer]

glad to know that
you're a friend too, Kariya