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[puppy_lancer]

[The Cu Chulainn that appears in the feed is a far cry from his normal, cheerful self. His hair looks even more disheveled than it usually is. His eyes have narrowed into slits and vein are popping all over his face. And his spear is out for all to see.]

WHERE IS SHE?

[He screams into the monitor, slamming his fist down on the keyboard and shaking the entire terminal.]

WHERE IS AYAKA SAJYOU? WHICH ONE OF YOU BASTARDS TOOK HER? WHICH ONE OF YOU TOOK MY MASTER?

[He takes a deep breath before he screams again.]

AND WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS ERASED HER NAME ON HER DOOR AND MADE HER A GRAVE? GET THE FUCK OVER HERE AND I MIGHT LIMIT MYSELF TO BREAKING YOU IN HALF!

[He knows. He knows that these are usually indicators that people had left the Tower for good. But he doesn't want to admit it. If he does, it means he's failed his Master again...]

Comments

[puppy_lancer]

Just keep on...

[Technically, he knows he can do that. And somewhere in the back of his head, he knows he needs to do that. He didn't want to just give up and roll over and die in a way that shamed his name as a hero.]

..And what of your honor?

[But he doesn't know if he can still take that name. Not after all that had happened. Living on might be more of a shame than just having it all end.]

[warriorscribe]

Honor? There's no need to give it up even if you're alone. I admit I've come to accept things I'd rather not accept, but...in such a place, it would be my sanity otherwise.

[puppy_lancer]

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

[That comes out angrier than he would like.]

I was summoned to serve a Master. My honor depends on how well I protect her!

And no hero lives after their honor dies.

[warriorscribe]

So you cannot protect her directly. What we can do is try to help our hosts restore our worlds if they'll have our help, so you can help her from afar, and hope she will be found soon, before that.

But you are more than your official task. We all are. You can devote your energy to protecting others in the meantime, and serve honor in the general sense.

[puppy_lancer]

That's because you're all living being in your own right. I'm dead man, summoned for a ritual. Do you know what my purpose was? To fight and protect my Master, and then die when the ritual ended.

[Never mind that this is already his second Master, and the third woman he failed to protect.]

SO TELL ME! HOW DO I RETAIN MY HONOR ONCE I'VE VIOLATED MY VERY PURPOSE?

[warriorscribe]

And the only reason I am not dead is because I had a mission to fulfill! That mission was to save a world that is now destroyed anyway!

Listen to me! You and I, whatever our causes, are still human. We still have the freedom to make our own paths. One day, we will see our worlds restored. One day, we can take up our missions again. But until that day, it is those of this world that need protection.

Or is that not purpose enough? Is that somehow dishonorable? Are we somehow not meant for it even if it isn't our mission?

Lancer. Listen. We can fight here. We can protect others. We can live by virtue and show others it can survive here.

Or is that not honor?

[puppy_lancer]

[This sounds very much like something Saber had said to him when they first met.]

[Lancer is a Heroic Spirit. He can remember being a hero who fought to defend his country. When not a Servant, his job should be to defend the world at large.]

Yes...that is honor...

[However, he was also a selfish hero. He defended what he could see and lived by his own code of honor.]

[And now the girl he protected was no longer here.]

...But is it one that I can attain?

[At least he's no longer lashing out.]

[warriorscribe]

Of course it is. Everyone can attain that honor. Do you protect others in danger, help those in need? That's part of it already.

[puppy_lancer]

Not as well as I would like.

[He had prioritized his Master.]

[warriorscribe]

*Everyone has priorities. Enoch himself would put his close friends above others in a heartbeat. He's not particularly proud of that fact but he's not considering it a detriment either.*

There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve, either. The fact that perfection is unattainable does not mean we shouldn't strive for it, in all things, including our own sense of honor.