015 ♑ [fifteenth honk] [video/text.]

[hystericull]

[Gamzee sits in front of the camera. He looks... different. Not just the obvious different that is the huge, stitched up gash across his forehead, either. He's been picking at the sutures there - they're loose and crooked, and the wound has started to reopen a little. All of that prodding and fussing has made the puckered skin around it burn a bright, angry purple - the same color as the bloody gunk seen between the gaps of the stitches.]

[Even though the video is on, he makes no effort to make eye contact, or address the network verbally. Instead, he just looks like he's concentrated on typing, looking down at the keyboard, then back up to the screen, but never moving his eyes up to the camera.]

dId you ever all get your motherfUcKiNg nOtIcE On.
of JUST HOW ALL FUCKIN SILENT THIS WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING PlAcE ReAlLy bE Up aNd At?
SoMeTiMe a BrOtHeR JuSt aLl gOtTa sHuT ThEm lOoKsTuBs and open all up to the noiseless noise his motherfuckin hear ducts.

[He laughs silently, rereading his text. He looks genuinely calm. For a moment. Then, his face falls, and he pecks away at the keyboard a little harder.]

MAYBE YOU ALL WEREN'T NEVER AT FUCKIN HEARING SUCH SHIT WHAT I ALL BE NOW MOST MOTHERFUCKIN BEREFT IN.
maybe you ain't wanna know what i all motherfuckin did.
MAYBE YOU WOULD UP AND BE THINKING I ALL DIDN'T HAVE NO MOTHER FUCKING CHOICE.
maybe i was all motherfuckin crazytown in the nuglug til the boss dude cut me the fuck open.
MAYBE THE MOTHER FUCKING SCREECHING TORE THE NOISE CANALS UP OUT MY MOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
SS
GJGJKK


43
M
FG

[As his text distorted, the video would show his face almost pained, twisted up in an expression of anger as his head jerked to the side. Once. Twice. Three times.]

G-g-ghghh... ughh-- F-F-F-F-Fuck--

Comments

[pushedaround]

[ There's that typical method of confrontation. Why is Tavros even surprised? No, wait. He's not surprised at all. More like disappointed, but there's no point in voicing that out, huh? It was written all over his face.

His thumbs brushed against Gamzee's skin gently, eyes barely open as he took in a soft inhale. ]

Please try, my brother. Because ... I am not going to 'roll with it' anymore.

[ There's a limit to everything, and Tavros figured it was time to make a proper statement. Offering assistant, communicating or even trying to be supportive had done so little. He will always, always be there for Gamzee. No doubt. However, there is a red line that shouldn't be crossed, and Tavros decided it's time to put it out in the open, instead of hoping that Gamzee would take the hint. ]

You act on your own, and you make your own choices. Regardless of how upset I am, you will carry on with your own beliefs. I respect that, bro. I really do. However, I have the choice to disagree, and I also have the choice not to accept it.

[ He leans back, still keeping his smile as he looked at his beloved matesprit. He was no longer angry, just honest. ]

I love you, Gamzee. I love you enough to be hurt by your actions. I love you enough to want to fight you to keep you safe. I love you enough to be unhappy when you're unhappy.

I love you enough .... to back away when there is nothing left for me to do.

You don't understand why I'm upset because you don't see what I see. [ He paused, taking a second to kiss Gamzee's forehead, just above his stitches. ] You don't understand my pain because I do everything in my power to stay strong for you. I think of you before I do anything that might affect you. I never want to be the reason to make you unhappy.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm far from it! But, I always try to put your interest before my own.

[ He lowers his head slightly, as if he wanted to add something, but it ended up to be too painful to voice out. He breathes out before he wrapped his arms around the highblood, pulling him closer and embracing him. ]

I just ... can't watch you hurting anymore.

[hystericull]

[Tavros thought in complex ways. Considering other people's responses before taking any sort of action? It seemed like such an unnecessarily taxing way to live. Planning out every decision to make sure it will not only benefit you, but also everyone around you? How could anyone possibly live like that!?]

So...

[Gamzee's eyes lowered, and he squinted a bit as he tried to process everything he'd just been told. It was a lot to take in, and processing wasn't really his strong point, but he'd try.]

What you're fuckin' saying at me be...

[He ran his tongue under the points of his teeth, biting on it out of frustration and stress. He didn't show any outward signs of conflict, however.]

Stop doin' all this shit, or lose you?

[The look on his face was an expression not easily described. He looked somewhat serious, somewhat incredulous, and also kind of like he was going to be sick.]

Really. Without all the fuckin' fluff and tipsy-toes words.

[pushedaround]

[ There's a long, tired sigh. ]

No, Gamzee.

It sucks to see you hurt, but I said I will back off. I guess, what I'm trying to say, instead of coming after a brother, I will let the brother come to me, whenever he feels comfortable to do so.

So ... You won't be hearing shit from me unless you want to talk. No point on keeping you do things you're not fond of, and no point of putting myself in such stress without being productive, too.

[ He pulls away and shrugs. ]

I'm giving you space.

[hystericull]

I don't wanna hurt you.

[He shrugged, lamenting the loss of contact. He bit at his lips, now. What was he supposed to say!? His expression had eased considerably, and the breath he let out was evidently relieved.]

Uh...

[Talking. Feelings. Not something he did well.]

think... that'd be motherfucking a good thing. For you to maybe like... not try to pick up after my ass.

It ain't a trail no one can be making no sense of, and I ain't much wanting you to try.

[That sounded a little callous.]

But, it ain't 'cause I'm mad or nothing. It's 'cause I love you.

[He didn't make a move to touch him again, but he offered another smile.]

But, I wanna ask you somethin' fuckin' else. If I be talking at you, and you be wanting to help me when I be not so fucking sure on shit...

wanna be doing the same at you. ...Like I all was used to motherfucking be doing. You know?

[He didn't mean just coming to him when Tavros had a problem with something he'd done. The kid was obviously severely stressed out. He'd denied Gamzee attempting to pacify him before, but that was sort of an awkward solicitation from Gamzee's end, admittedly.]

We talk. 'Bout more than just bad stuff. Good stuff, and stupid stuff, and motherfucking...

[He had raised his hands as he was speaking, and he lowered them now.]

Just want you to be okay, brother.

[pushedaround]

[ He considers something before shrugging again, smiling a little at Gamzee now. ]

I'll be okay. Just a little stressed, but ... to be honest .... I don't think it has a lot to do with you. Unfortunately, watching those stitches was enough to set me off, but you're not the main reason.

[ That's right. Just keep it simple and don't over think. Life will be so much easier. ]

Yeah, man. You can come and talk to me anytime. You know I don't have a problem with that. It will be pretty cool ...

[ Come to think of it, he couldn't really remember the last time Gamzee had been the one to get in his business. Recently, it was the other way around. Apparently he was doing it wrong the whole time.

Now that he was no longer running around with raging emotions, Tavros felt it was appropriate to relax a little, using his claws to scratch under his chin as he spoke. ]

I'll just have to trust you and well-- see how it goes. Let a brother do his thing and hope it works out. Ya' know?

[hystericull]

There you go, bro.

[He grinned a little wider, showing some teeth, now.]

You be snorting about some stuff what got you strung the fuck out what ain't having to do with my ass.

[Raising a hand again, he swiped his fingers against Tavros' cheek.]

But you ain't never telling it in me. You know, hahaha, we can still be fuckin' talking at each other like we used to and...

[Not have it be awkwardly pale.]

Even if we kiss and stuff now.

[pushedaround]

Yeah. I hear you, bro.

[ Finally, they seem to have agreed on something. He's not a 100% supportive of the idea, but if Gamzee wanted to go down that road, he will give it a shot for his sake.

Not wanting to dwell on this subject anymore and mess things up again, Tavros shoved his hands inside his pockets and turned to look around them with a casual smile. ]

I know the library is not your type of place to hang out, so we can just ... get out of here. If you want?

[hystericull]

[That hunched-up, hands-in-pockets look was not the picture of contentment, but Gamzee wasn't going to press him any more.]

You got all fuckin' that wicked noise right, motherfucker.

[He grinned, stepping forward and throwing an arm around Tavros' shoulders before leading them both towards the stairs. Maybe he was being too overbearing at the start? Or too distant? Or too... not himself. He knew he didn't feel like himself, but Tavros made him want to try. Now that he was in a place where he didn't have to immediately worry about his impending insanity, he had time to figure things out, and that meant time to make up for all the time he wasn't being not only a good matesprit, but a good best friend.]

I ain't feelin' too much down with all the motherfuckin' nibblies, but you getting your hunger on, brother? Wanna down some tasty motherfuckin' nutrition bars?

[pushedaround]

I'm kinda hungry, but I'm not sure if I'd use the term 'tasty'.

[ He chuckled, and somewhere along their little walk toward the cafeteria, Tavros had curled his arm around Gamzee's waist. Clearing his mind wasn't as challenging as he thought it would be. In some twisted logic, now that he had realized that Gamzee wanted to handle his problems in his own is ... somewhat comforting. He never considered it as a burden, but accepting the fact he had absolutely zero influence in the situation made him feel less awful. I mean- he wants to help, he tried in every possible way, but if there is nothing he can do, he shouldn't stress about it as much, right?

With a content smile and a nod of his head, Tavros decided it was time to stop being so sulky and just ... be the best friend Gamzee truly needs right now.

When they reached the floor, he sighed loudly. Just the sight of those bars made him lose his appetite. ]

You know ... I miss the ice cream.

[hystericull]

[He wasn't expecting Tavros to reciprocate his affectionate gesture, but when he felt the warm sensation of an arm around his waist, Gamzee couldn't help his fingers from tapping out an imaginary beat against the boy's shoulder.]

[Everything was okay. Maybe now, he could relax a little. Maybe now they could focus on their wicked brohood and not have to deal with anything the tower had to throw at them for a while. Gamzee hummed absently, rocking his shoulders and bobbing his head to that beat he was tapping out on Tavros' shoulder. Fuck, it had been so long since he'd had any sort of inclination to throw down a sick beat or two. He'd almost forgotten how much he'd missed it.]

[Standing in the middle of the cafeteria, he stopped tapping, but his arm remained slung around the other boy's torso. Gamzee lifted his free hand to his mouth in contemplation.]

Don't think they all fuckin' got nutrition bar ice cream.

[His expression turned a little forlorn.]

I had some fucking magic candy, but the pants all fuckin' got their decide on to get up some motherfuckin' holes in they damn pockets.

And it fell out.

[He frowned, wilting a little.]