animus_network | Once the Honeymoon is Over... [Video]

[The face on the camera is tired, the look in Diarmuid's eyes making it clear that the source of his weariness isn't physical, but mental and emotional as it so often has been since he arrived here.]

Has anyone see my brother? Ah...you probaly know him better as Lancer. I know he is still in the tower because his belongings are here and his name is still on the door, but I cannot find him anywhere and I have looked. Those who know my skills know quickly I can do that.

I am worried because I just remembered something he said to Jason a while back. He said he would volunteer for his next experiement and since this is Jason's month in charge and so many others have gone missing, I fear for what that means for him.

If anyone has seen him in the last few days, will you please let me know?

[Diarmuid pauses a moment, suddenly looking a lot more uneasy.]

Also, I want to apologize to all the people who were affected by my curse about week ago or got caught up in everything that was going on. For those who don't know, I carry a curse that forces the women who see my face to fall in love with me. It has been mostly inactive in this place but for some reason during the end of March and the beginning of April it flared back to life affecting both men and women. Unfortunately, I have never been able to tell when it is active and when it is not so far too many people were affected before I knew what was going on.

I...do not know why this happened. It has gone inactive again and I think by this time all those affected should have had the effects wear off. If not, take the knowledge that your strange feelings are caused by something outside of you and focus on that...

[Suddenly, he turns away from the screen as if someone has tugged on his arm, which they have. When he speaks his voice is quieter and directed at whoever is standing just off camera.]

Tony, just a moment, okay? I will play with you then.

[Diarmuid turns back to the camera, quiet for a moment as if he is collecting his thoughts and then continues where he left off.]

Focusing on the fact that your feelings are not your own will help you overcome the effects sooner. It is not something that worked that well during my first life, but there is a very strong pattern of it working here...

[There is a sudden scuffling behind Diarmuid and he is yanked away from the camera. The scuffling continues as his voice drifts back toward the terminal.]

Tony! Tony wait! I'm not done...

Gah! Does anyone know how to stop an alien abduction?

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(OOC: Diarmuid's responses will come a few hours later when he has given Tony the attention that the little gray alien seems to want so badly.)

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You don't need to apologize. It's not your fault. You aren't the one who took everything I ever was and ground it under his heel.

[Diarmuid falls silent a moment, ordering his own thoughts.]

You would never hurt me. I know that and I appreciate that more than I can ever tell you. You bring me so much comfort I never thought I would have again, but he. He was a completely different story.

Once my life was built around two things: honor and loyalty. It was simple. Every action was directed by deciding if it was honorable and allowed me to remain loyal. My beliefs. My decisions. They all went back to that.

And then he forced me to chose. I could be one or the other with him, but I could not be both. Because my wish was to serve my lord until the end, I chose loyalty over honor.

[His voice begins to shake here and it's obvious that despite his best efforts, he's crying again.]

T-then he wouldn't even accept my loyalty. He never trusted me. He always questioned me. I would never have betrayed him! I would never have t-taken...

Hey...it's alright. [His hold on Diarmuid tightened slightly, for fear he might break completely if not pulled back into reality.]

It's not your fault. He would never have seen reason if it was written in neon colors on a sign that beat him over the head. That failure lies with him and no one else. More to the point, he isn't here. And if he ever shows up, I'll punch him in his smug goddamn face before I let him say so much as one unkind word to you.

Understand this. I'll accept whatever loyalty you decide I should be worth and give the same right back to you. I may question you, but you have every right to do the same in turn. There is no one in this or any world I trust as I trust you. And most importantly: I will always absolve you of any guilt whether real or just imagined.

After everything you've been through...you deserve a Master better than me. Even so, will you settle for Kayneth's replacement in every sense of the word?

You are not his replacement!

[Diarmuid pulls back fast enough that tears fly off his face.]

Stop saying that as if you are worthless. You aren't! You are you and that is all you need to be! You are so kind, smart, clever, patient, and comforting...

[He stops a moment to clear the tears from his face and to calm his voice.]

You are a better man than he could ever hope to be. Than I could ever hope to be! I want you to stop being so hard on yourself!

[Well, Waver did tell him to question him when he wanted to...]

I-...

[Maybe he was being a little too hard on himself. Waver glanced away, fidgeting uncomfortably.]

...I'm sorry. But that's not fair; I could turn all that right back on you.

[Diarmuid reaches out and gently turns Waver's head back to face him.]

It is all right. I am sorry too. You're right...I should listen to my own advice.

[He lets his hand drop from Waver's face and takes a moment to wipe the tears from his eyes. After taking a deep breath, he finally starts speaking again.]

It is so much easier to give the advice than follow it, though. I know...that makes me a terrible person. I should not expect from others what I will not do for myself...

[He pauses something suddenly seeming to click in his head.]

Is that why it is so hard for me to help anyone here? They see me giving them advice, but at the same time, they know I need to do the same thing for myself and am not. If I don't do it, why should they?

Again...I am expecting something different from myself than I expect from others. I have to change this somehow!

You're not a terrible person, Diarmuid. I don't know if that's the reason or not, but it's not always a simple matter to follow one's own advice no matter how good it might be.

Yes...especially since I am so used to seeing myself differently from others. I guess that is what I really need to focus on changing...however I'm suppose to do that.

[Diarmuid sighs, rubbing at his eyes again. He then fixes Waver with a hard look.]

And you need to work on not being so hard on yourself. You are my master and you are my friend. Have faith in yourself. I do.

Deal?

I'll do the best that I can if you do the same.

[Diarmuid smiles at him.]

Deal. Here's hoping we will both be successful.

Once the Honeymoon is Over... [Video]

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