Illyasviel von Einzbern (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
eighteen_winters) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
animus_network2013-05-07 10:39 pm
eighteen_winters) wrote in animus_network2013-05-07 10:39 pm
Entry tags:
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[Looking more then a bit nervous, Illya addresses her audience with an awkward yet happy smile plastered across her pale face. For awhile she stands silently as she twiddles her thumbs and looks in every possible direction as if checking to make sure no one was watching her.
Despite the fact that it was likely that no one cared about what she was going to say, her addled nerves thought it necessary to do so anyway. Finally, after taking a deep breath, sighing several times, then making sure her long hair was done just so, she finally begins to speak.]
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has helped me with my silly little crush and gave me the courage to finally confess before it was to late . Since I was little I was used to being by myself, so I'm very thankful to all of you who have been so nice to me and have gone out of your way to help me and be my friend.
Um, Shirou...could we talk for a little bit? It's really important.
Despite the fact that it was likely that no one cared about what she was going to say, her addled nerves thought it necessary to do so anyway. Finally, after taking a deep breath, sighing several times, then making sure her long hair was done just so, she finally begins to speak.]
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has helped me with my silly little crush and gave me the courage to finally confess before it was to late . Since I was little I was used to being by myself, so I'm very thankful to all of you who have been so nice to me and have gone out of your way to help me and be my friend.
Um, Shirou...could we talk for a little bit? It's really important.
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Alright, Illya. I don't mind.
What do you want to talk about? Did something happen?
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[Illya nervously extracts a piece of paper from her pocket, her hands visibly shaking as she does, and reads over it for a moment before facing Shirou again.]
I think you misunderstood me when I said that I loved you. I meant that I cared for you as more then a friend and brother.
In other words, I want to be your girlfriend...
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What? Well then, tell me what's been weighing on you—
[From a logical standpoint, Shirou knows she's older than him. He knows she's not really his biological sister, nor is she the child her body appears to be. But it's very jarring to have her say that with certainty, and see her hands visibly trembling. The teenager almost wonders if he's misunderstanding again. Love? For someone like him?
Self-esteem what the fuck is that.]Uh. You mean, romantically? [He corrects himself, trying and failing to not internally flail in confusion and surprise, and trip over his words.] You do. Illya, but—
[He can't say no. At the very least, a refusal along those lines would make her sad, also miserable and disappointed. Shirou could not abide the possibility, least of all the possibility of causing it himself. Let's try clarifying this;] You want to have a relationship like that with me?
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In the end she just nods in the positive.]
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B-barring that one time she tied him to a chair in her room and sat on his lap.??????? Okay, now that it's clarified beyond any doubt, let's work out whether or not he returns her feelings. There are certainly positive, loving emotions associated with her. The desire to keep her safe. The want for her continued existence and good impression of himself. But none of it is especially... romantic, he knows.
... Well, it doesn't have to stay that way, Shirou supposes. If he starts out with these emotions in a relationship with her, maybe over time they will change to match hers. He adopts a thoughtful facial expression. ]
Would that make you happy?
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...it would.
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Not entirely this is a good idea AT ALL. '-'
But you know what whatever, let's go for the broke.]
I'm not a very good person to put up with like that, Illya.
[ Even several mouths after the Grail war, Shirou is pretty aware of how self-destructive and damaging to the people close to himself he can be. It's not something he wants with her. ]
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I also know this is likely the only chance we'll get to be together like this. Even if we're all able to go home someday, I'll probably die not long afterwords.
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[ It's not necessary to bring up the multiple murder attempts, thanks. At that, the teenager is sidetracked from the main topic of the conversation, and his response is fiercely determined; ]
Don't talk so self-defeatedly like that. There's still time, back home. As long as there's time where you're living, we look for a way to stop that from happening. You deserve your own chance at normality.
[ Shirou would be a lot more guilty about that comment regarding her inevitable death, but he comes from a world where everybody got something akin to a happy-ish ending.
So the guilt isn't as overwhelming as it could be. Which. Isn't saying much, to be honest. ]
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But As long as I'm here I'd still like to be with you...
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Ah, I don't think I can accuse you, of all people, of rushing it, but... I wouldn't mind that. [ If it makes even one person happier, it would be enough. And hey, it's not like he has to worry about her wanting something like sex from him. ]
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I promise I'll be the best girlfriend I can possibly be.
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That's... That's good enough, right? She's smiling so sincerely that it must be the right thing to do. Reassuringly; ]
Just be yourself, and it'll work out.
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