animus_network | eighth scripture. [ text ]

[chaos, on the other hand, didn't think this was stifling and was more than happy to be here if she needed help and comfort.]

If you wish to.

[ Once Sertoria composes herself, she'll straighten her hair and sit back up. Although, she's not really pulling away from the hug she's in. ]

Joshua was the one who saved me, as you well know. I traveled for years with him, aiding, learning, working - whatever it meant to be a human, I would do it. He eventually called me his disciple and bestowed upon me his teachings so I would be able to pass them on to others.

However, my creators tried one last time to break me in after I felt like I could finally be free. They stripped my free will again and forced me to fight against the very humans I swore to Joshua that I would protect.

The match was an endless gladiatorial one and of course, I won, but I did not feel victorious. I managed to flee after it as my creators belittled me right then and there as I was breaking down. I ran as far as my legs would take me before I ran in to Joshua.

[ A pause and a shuddering sigh. ]

I do not remember how much I sobbed against him and said sorry for breaking my promise to him. However, he decided to do something about it by confronting my creators. I am unsure what exactly he did, but he managed to make them leave me alone. He told me that I did not need to fight anymore and that I could live by the name Sertoria Cani.

Edited 2013-08-08 09:23 (UTC)

[chaos would allow Sertoria to straighten up a little bit, but until she herself showed that she wanted to pull out of the hug, he would not let go.]

It is horrible that your creators attempted to break you and strip you of what you loved and your promises when you were so close to being free like that. However..if Joshua called you a disciple and himself a prophet, perhaps he held some power that terrified those who created you and allowed you to have your freedom.

Whether that is the case or not though..what you did was not your fault if your creators stripped you of your free will.

[ For the time being, Sertoria does not feel like pulling away from the hug just yet. She's too tired to, anyway. ]

Perhaps... He always did know how to soothe me even if I did not need it at the time. He would have liked you, chaos, and I think the two of you would be great friends.

[ She seems to smile sadly here and sigh, shaking her head. ]

That is if he did not already end up dying. I thought that he could live like myself for thousands of years, but at the time, I did not understand death. I knew how to kill, surely, but I did not understand the concept of death before then. I asked myself, "Why do people have to die?" I... also did not get to hear what he had told me before his departure from my world, so I am still thinking about it to this day.

[Not that chaos minded. After all, Sertoria had hugged him before to comfort herself.]

It is usually a painful experience when one fully understands death and sees a loved one die in font of them, no matter how peacefully they leave.

[After all, chaos knew that pain well, though he couldn't quite remember the first time someone did die in front of him.]

However..people die because their bodies and souls are tired and it is their time to rest, before going on in a new shell. It is sad that you did not get to hear Joshua's final words..but perhaps he was wishing you to be well and improve your emotions and empathy, though he could not be there to help and protect you.

[ Sertoria was grateful for that in more ways than one. ]

Does the pain ever lessen, chaos, as one goes on with their life or no?

[ She's tired of feeling emotional pain left and right. She knows she doesn't have the strongest emotional defenses imaginable, which that only makes her more susceptible in the long run. ]

...So I see. What I did get to hear of his words to me were, "Sertoria... Please promise me that you'll be happy after I die. Please never lose the light in your eyes or your heart. Please keep smiling. You have never failed me and I will... I will always be watching over you even in death. So... keep on being the woman I-"

[ It felt like, to Sertoria at least, that she was watching her savior die again in her arms by going down this lane. Maybe she could finally cope with it in a healthy way. ]

What do you think he would have said if his time was not up yet?

I believe it will lessen, though it will never quite go away. However, that is a mixed blessing.

[After all, having emotional pain of your own helped you understand the pain of others when you encountered it and wanted to help as best you could.

However, as chaos heard what Sertoria heard of Joshua's dying words, chaos sighed inwardly.]

'So keep on being the woman I love.'. He loved you, Sertoria, though what sort of love, I cannot say for sure.

Is that another way of being human, chaos? To feel pain, but be able to still be strong?

[ It's strange to Sertoria. She feels like she's talking to Joshua here, not chaos. But she knows he's dead and not here in the tower.

It's when chaos tells her that Joshua loved her that she can only stare at him in shock. Could she really have been so blind--? ]

He... really loved me? And I did not know... Damn it.

It is. It may sound odd, but feeling the pain of others and trying to be strong for them and help them is an example of empathy.

However..it is not your fault that you did not see what his true feelings for you were. Such things can be difficult to read, especially for one who is not used to them. Being around you and seeing you smile as likely enough for him.

I...normally am strong for others because I do not want them to be upset or hurt. Perhaps I had learned it before and did not even realize it.

[ Sertoria nods as chaos explains and she chuckles softly to herself. ]

You know, it is funny. I always think I have understood humans and everything about them, but I find myself learning something new every day.

Even if you did not realize it before, thinking about and understanding how others would feel is a sign of empathy.

I think that is is almost impossible to understand everything about humans or people in general. However, that only means that the things you do understand seem wonderful, and the things you do manage to learn help improve your experiences and encounters with other people.

[ Despite how utterly depressing Sertoria's past is to talk about, she still finds the strength to smile after talking about what she considers the worst of it. ]

That makes me happy to hear that I have developed empathy to that degree.

Why, if I did not know any better, I would say that you are quite the expert in this, chaos. Do you speak from personal experience or experience watching others?

[Which was good, since if one found they could talk about the worst parts of their life and still smile afterwards, they would usually be alright.]

I speak from both my own experiences and my experiences watching others.

So, you are like me in that regard...

[ Sertoria pauses and sighs slightly, looking upward. ]

We... mostly got over the worst part of my past, but there are a couple of things I have yet to tell you.

[..However, chaos would just keep smiling as he spoke and tried to pat Sertoria on the head.]

That is alright. If you wish to tell me about those things now, you may do so. If you wish to tell me later, my ear will still be here..and if you do not want to ever tell me, I shall understand and not pry.

[ Her eyes move upward so that she can see chaos' hand on her head. ]

--I am operational there.

[ A beat. ]

Well... You already know so much about my past, so I ought to finish it up. But, what do you suggest?

[And..chaos couldn't help but lightly chuckle at what he thought was a joke.]

I know you are. I was trying to make you feel emotionally better..but I suggest you tell me whatever it is you want to tell me.

--Oh!

[ Then, Sertoria gets it when she can remember back to when she saw mothers comforting their children. ]

It is like what a mother would do to calm their child, right?

As far as that is concerned, though... After Joshua's departure, I spent my time traveling my world at least a few times, seeing and experiencing civilizations fall and rise and humanity always changing. However, no matter how much time passed, everyone always remembered me as CXEV5001, the robot that killed a trillion and a half people. I was run out of cities, governments tried to capture me and my creators had, for the most part, left me alone, but they were watching me from space.

It would take a few thousand years for them to strike again. And, this time? They were not as kind.

You are right. However..it is terrible that immortality did not, at the least, try to erase your story or turn it into a better one.

And..it is terrible that your free will was ignored and that you were captured yet again. Without Joshua, they probably felt quite at ease.

People have tried to kill me before because they believed it was unnatural for an android to live as long as I have. Some people just cannot forgive or forget.

No... What they did was much worse than capturing me. They designed my younger sister, CXEV5002, and it is unfortunate what her one objective was for her life. She was designed to take me out and the way my creators wanted to do it was through...

[ A pause. ]

It was through a virus designed to infiltrate my system, shut down my failsafes and eventually eliminate me. CXEV5002 was much stronger than me, too, so that only complicated matters. My promise to Joshua was also threatened because of this virus, and... well... even more complicated matters happened.

It is true that some cannot..but it is also true that there are some who can. However..if that virus was introduced to you, it would be horrible..unless you could find someone that could remove it while you were still lucid.

The virus was introduced to me and the end results were disastrous. Imagine me as nothing more than a savage machine willing to tear anything and everything apart, even humans. I would not listen to reason or threats, and I tried for several times to terminate my programming while there was some part of me still lucid.

I... also killed my sister in my frenzy. She taunted me to kill her... said that I did not have the "guts" to do it until I tore her head off of her body and smashed her own processor. I hate myself for doing so because maybe I could have saved her and we could have worked to stop my creators.

[ A sigh. ]

I eventually decided to hide myself in a cave. At least there, the only damage I could really do would be to the earth and myself. No one else would be involved in my hell.

When you remove a failsafe, terrible things can happen, on occasion. However, it is terrible that you could not save your sister..but it is not entirely your fault. I am sure that you would have acted differently if the virus had not been uploaded into you. It is not your fault that you could not save her.

[Have a pat on the back, Sertoria.]

But I imagine that people would try to find you when you isolated yourself. And I know that being alone like that is quite painful.

eighth scripture. [ text ]

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