animus_network | Backdated [ 19th ] Video

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Backdated [ 19th ] Video

[ The video shows Homura at a library terminal. Her ring is visibly on her finger as she runs her hands through her hair, purposefully displaying it in hopes of attracting the attention of fellow Puella Magi. Then she sets her hand down again. ]

My name is Homura A-- [ She stops, remembering Moemura is here. She doesn't want to shock her with that information. ] --- Homura... I would like to speak to anyone who may be experienced with or presently in possession of firearms. I am in need of assistance regarding the subject matter. I am also curious to know if anyone may assist me in obtaining certain chemicals and 'parts' that I need for 'something'. I thank you for your cooperation.

[ She bows her head and shifts her gaze to a small object she has set by the terminal. Her last remaining Grief Seed. ]

I am aware that someone here may have the ability to "purify" soiled objects. If you are such a person and at all willing, I would like to request a face to face conversation with you regarding a matter of concern for myself and a select few others. [ On the note of those others...

Homura tries not to let her expression falter, but it's difficult. She's very worried as she goes on, though successfully masks her concern. ]

Madoka-san, Sayaka-san, Kyoko-san. If you hear this, please respond. And if you would be so kind, allow me to see your soul gem. A lot has happened and we must keep them clean in order to be effective in this environment.

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Mmm, I'm here. [She shuffles a bit off-camera, and holds her ring finger into view. It's not that dirty, surprisingly.]

Mado-- [ She feels herself about to choke up. Seeing Madoka is painful now. Seeing her inability to protect her best friend so plainly hurts. She breathes in. ] Madoka-san. Mm. Thank you. That was all I needed to know.

[ Lies lies lieees.

She's so worried about you, Madoka! ]

[Blink-blink.] Hey, don't look so glum...I'm sure it'll be fine.

Madoka-san...

[ She nods her head. ]

Have you been holding up well, psychically and mentally?

Eheh...as best as I can, all things considered.

I see...

I have one Grief Seed remaining. Do not be afraid to ask to use it.

I haven't been using my powers much lately...don't worry about it.

Using your magic will be unnecessary. I can handle it for you.

[ She's silent for a moment. ]

I know you want to help me, but...that's wishful thinking, Homura-chan.

[ That... stings a bit. But wishful + thinking + homura = IC. ]

Nn-nn. It'll be fine.

...but you can't spend all your time looking out for me. You need to look out for yourself, too.

[ Halloween was evident enough of that. Stupid onryo curse. ]

And I can...handle myself well enough.

You're right. I have not done a good job looking out for everyone over the past months. But I have a better grasp on the situation now. It will be fine.

[ Lies lies lies.

Most she has is Kyoko. ]

But, you're not...getting what I'm saying...

[ She seems a bit upset at this point. ]

I do. You have nothing to worry about. I will not let previous events repeat themselves.

N-No, you don't...! You don't have to worry about me! You don't have to try and protect me...!

[ She bites her lip, and looks down. ]

That's...

[ She wants to yell. And scream. And maybe cry. Don't you understand, Madoka? If she stops protecting you now then what were all of her past struggles for? Nothing? Has she been wasting her time? Do you not really want that promise kept?

What am I fighting for?!

The briefest of doubts flickers across her soul gem in the form of a dark taint, but Homura is holding her ring finger out of view. ]

... Maybe. But I will. You will not suffer again, Madoka.

[ She really looks like she's trying to hold back tears, now. No, this wasn't good. None of this was good. What happened the last time Homura swore to protect her? That awful F3 trip, the black blood...she was worried, but she was also wary. She doesn't know if she can actually trust Homura, and that's what scares her the most.

Homura was her best friend, one of her closest companions. And all she had to offer was a big wall of uncertainty. Was she actually...afraid of her? Granted, this was a different Homura entirely. The 'tough' Homura, the cool, collected one, from one of the later timelines she'd never actually met back home, but...it was still her. Who's to say she wouldn't make a rash choice just to protect her and the others? ]

I can't...let you do that...

[ Every voice in her head is screaming. Stop! Talk to her! Tell her the truth!

But her voice ultimately gets caught in her throat, tossing her back into the wavering silence she hated herself too much for using. ]

Edited 2012-11-27 08:27 (UTC)

[ It hurts to hear that, but Homura maintains her neutral expression. Madoka is her friend, her best friend... or was. She reminds herself that this is a one-way road. In order to keep Madoka safe, she needs to stay tough, harsh, and cruel. She cannot let Madoka's kindness affect her openly, because Madoka's soft heart is a weakness for them both.

So she shrugs, as if she doesn't care for Madoka's expression, and does her classic hands-through-the-hair. ]

It is not up for debate.

S...stop it.

[ She grits her teeth. For the first time in a long, long while, her emotions did a complete flip to a rarely-used setting.

She was angry. She'd felt annoyed, she'd felt exasperated, but she couldn't even remember the last time she'd felt truly angry, if she ever even had. She trembles, her teeth clattering together, and her hands curling into fists at her side. ]

Don't tell me it's not up for debate.

You...you keep saying you know what's best for me, that you'll be the one to protect me, but...you don't. You don't know at all. You made that decision before, back in the Facility, and do you know what happened? You turned into a monster. You let yourself get infected with black blood so you could fight better, but it nearly drove you insane. You were training how to kill people under a man...a horrible man with no empathy, and I don't think he was even human. He...asked you for body counts each week...

[ The tears start welling in her eyes, pouring down her cheeks, and it seems a lot of her anger has already faded into sadness once more. ]

I can't...I can't trust you as much as I'd like to. Homura...I'm not...a god. I don't h-have endless patience, endless sympathy...if you want my trust, you will...h-have to earn it back.

Edited 2012-11-28 01:36 (UTC)

[ All of these words hurt. Homura feels her expression slipping more and more with every word Madoka says. She isn't angry at Madoka for feeling these things. She doesn't return angry with more anger.

Homura is scared.

For a few seconds, Moemura wants to come out. She's never had Madoka be so mad at her before. Say that she doesn't trust her. No matter how far the rift between them was in other words, Madoka always cared from afar and always trusted Homura, more than anyone. So this trust hurts worse than anything. ]

Mado...

[ She glances down at her soul gem and sees the darkness beginning to crawl into view. Panic almost sets in at the sight, but she logics herself out of it. It's okay. She reminds herself. Madoka doesn't need to like her, as long as she's kept safe. It's better to stop trying to be friends. It's a distraction that endangers Madoka.

Homura breaths out, silencing the urge to cry. She needs to go, before she gets upset again and further taints her soul gem. ]

[ Okay, Poker Face. ]

I never asked you to trust me. Do as you please. I will not change my mind.

[ Turning the video off ASAP so she can flee and deal with feelings. ]

Edited 2012-11-28 01:50 (UTC)

[ She blinks in shock a few times, staring at the cut feed. It feels like a bucket of ice water was dropped down her spine.

Yeah, she's...probably gonna go run off to find Sayaka, now. And cry for a while. ]

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Backdated [ 19th ] Video

vidya only for you, homu

rabu...!

doki doki...?

doki doki-!

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oh this is turning angsty

megucas being angsty??? we must be doing it wrong

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1/3

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