002 ♋ Text

[papshooshing]

WOW, WASN'T THAT JUST FUCKING FUN
AND BY FUN I MEAN I WOULD RATHER JUMP IN A PILE OF FRESHLY STEAMING SHIT THAN TO DO THAT AGAIN.
I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO GO INTO DETAILS HERE. WE'RE JUST LEAVING IT AT THAT, OKAY?
OKAY.
NOW ONTO SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAT I SHOULD HAVE ADDRESSED EARLIER BUT WAS FAR TOO DISTRACTED BY THE FACT MY MOIRAIL CAN'T SEEM TO KEEP OUT OF THIS NONSENSE FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAYS AT A TIME.
WHICH HAS GOT TO STOP, BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE *MY* LITTLE PUMP BISCUIT CAN TAKE ONE MORE THING HAPPENING TO HIM.
SERIOUSLY, THE KID CAN'T CATCH A BREAK EVER AND MY LITTLE VEINS JUST BURST FROM SYMPATHY AND ALL THAT OTHER CLICHED HOOFBEAST SHIT.
IT'S NOTHING SHORT OF TRAGIC AND I HAVE TO WONDER WHOSE BAD SIDE HE MUST HAVE GOTTEN ON
OR IF THERE'S THIS SICK FASCINATION WITH HIM ON THEIR PART.
ANYWAY, PRETTY SURE MY INTENT HERE WASN'T TO RAMBLE ON ABOUT THAT.
IT WAS THIS:
WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL MY STUFF.
HALF OF MY BOOKS ARE MISSING AND THAT SHIT WILL NEVER BE ACCEPTABLE.
IF I CAN'T WATCH MY MOVIES ON MY OWN GODDAMN HUSKTOP, THE LEAST THAT THIS PLACE COULD DO WOULD BE TO RETURN EVERYTHING IN MY TRUNK ENTIRELY
BUT NO!
LET'S SIT THERE AND LAUGH AT KARKAT VANTAS. SEE WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE HIM FUCKING SING LIKE SOME SONGBIRD.
YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO!


[ Filtered to Signless ]

AS FOR YOU.
LOOK, THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO...
YOU SEE, I HAVE THIS
OH FUCK IT ALL.
FORGET I EVEN CONTACTED YOU.
THIS IS DUMB AND I AM EVEN DUMBER FOR THINKING THIS WAS A FEASIBLE SOLUTION.

Comments

video;

[iron_infidel]

[He let out a soft sigh, but straightens his posture and smiles once more.]

Karkat come on what is it? It is important if you took up the effort and attention to actually send me a private message. Come now, what was it?

[papshooshing]

[ this comes after a LONG time. sitting and thinking. ]

IT'S... PRIVATE.
PERSONAL.

[iron_infidel]

We can speak in person if you like. Do not be discouraged Karkat I am willing to listen to what you have to say.

[papshooshing]

IT'S NOT THE LISTENING PART THAT I'M DREADING.
LET'S JUST GET IT OVER WITH.

[iron_infidel]

Sure thing. Do continue then.

[He shifts a bit and allows himself to get comfortable.]

[papshooshing]

YOU ARE SO BAD AT READING BETWEEN THE LINES.
THAT WAS A POSITIVE RESPONSE TO HAVING THIS LITTLE THERAPY SESSION AWAY FROM THE NETWORK.

[iron_infidel]

[Oh...well his mistake. He chuckles a tad and tries to lighten the mood a tad. ]

Oh! I do apologize, where would you like to meet?

[papshooshing]

YOUR PLACE?

[iron_infidel]

That would be room 01-14.

[papshooshing]

RIGHT.
GODDAMN STAIRS. I'LL BE DOWN ASAP, I GUESS.

[ which means Karkat will be pacing in front of that door in like ten minutes. this whole ACCEPTING YOUR SHADOW thing has really shaken him up. ]

[iron_infidel]

[Signless can estimate how long it takes for one to travel a certain distance. From where Karkat was to where his destination would be, shouldn't take too long. Given this fact Signless was proceeding to his door. He was curious if he would see Karkat on his way or perhaps something happened to him? Monsters were a very 'real' thing after all in this tower. Signless is nothing but surprised when he opens the door to see Karkat standing there and pacing.

He can't help but laugh at the scene in front of him.]

Yes Karkat?

[papshooshing]

[ Karkat jumps in surprise and whirls around. when he sees it's the Signless, he just groans and rubs at his face. ]

Can you not just creep up on people?

[ but it's not the only reason he's rubbing at his face. it's nerves now. all nerves and anxiety. there's only one person that can help him with this and that's his ancestor.

now he just has to shred his pride and ask. ]

[iron_infidel]

[He chuckle once more to try and lighten the mood, picking up on the trolls nervousness. Gently he brings his hand to pat his descendent on the head. ]

I'll try to keep that in mind. Now come in, so you can get whatever it is you need to off your chest.

[papshooshing]

If only I could.

[ get the thing off his chest. his symbol. the whole thing that even the Signless is probably not aware of.

rubbing at his arm, Karkat steps inside quickly. but still fidgeting. fingers twitching. eyes looking about pretty much everywhere. ]

Ineedyourhelp,okay?

[ welp. that came out in a rush. ]

[iron_infidel]

[...]

Pardon?

[papshooshing]

[ dammit. why can't people just... pick apart quick speech. so he doesn't have to repeat himself.

but instead he hangs his head. muttering. ]

I need your help. With this coddling shit you do.

[iron_infidel]

[He smiles at that, but one side of his mouth twitches a tad bit uncomfortably.]

I wouldn't say that, perhaps comforting, or lending a ear might be more appropriate to the 'shit' that I preform.

But. Do continue.

[papshooshing]

It is coddling. Borderline pale zoning, but I'm not getting into that potential minefield.

[ and there Karkat goes again. just paces about the room. well the hard part is admitting help, right? now all he has to do is admit faults. seems like he's been doing an awful lot of that as of late. ]

First of all, you got to understand. I fucking hate being like this. Different. All my life I wanted nothing more than to be a goddamn Threshecutioner. Relatively normal like all of my friends instead of... This.

[ just kind of gestures to himself at this point. ]

The real problem is, there's this noise all up in the back of my head. Clawing at the surface. It's that stupid empathy and compassion shit that no proper troll should have. ... At least not to the point where I spent so much time and effort getting twelve trolls to work together so no one would die. It's not natural to give a damn about lives. But I do. And I've always, always have hated myself for having that sort of sentimental mindset. Rejected it. Started screaming and getting all defensive because no one should see this squishy hoofbeast shit that's my insides. That's weak, you know?

[ another pause and a mild glare with eyes rolling. ] Actually, scratch that. You wouldn't know.

Anyway, so this shadow garbage goes down and I'm staring right into the face of everything about myself that I just loathe. Two options. Accept and deal. Or reject and the thing turns into this monster. I've already fucked up so much... Two guesses what I ended up choosing. My issues. My shit. My responsibility and no one else should deal with it.

So now here I am. Asking how to... Manage.

[ and he's done. shoulders sagging and Karkat feels the weight of all of this. so heavy, at least to him, for someone of six sweeps. ]

I'm a lot of things. An asshole. A failure. But the thing I'm not is a liar.

[iron_infidel]

[Signless was nothing but speechless. He hadn't been expecting such an expanse of words and thought to come his way; not to mention that it was open and from the heart. In fact he had to laugh silently to himself, the way he talked was very similar to how he used to be before this whole universal mess had begun.

Regardless Karkat needed his assistance and had willingly come to him. Signless opened his mouth to speak, but found no words. Instead he smiled and brought a hand to Karkat's shoulder. Softly he pulled him close into a hug, it was a very real possibility that the troll would retreat, but Signless didn't care in the moment.]

It is okay to know your faults Karkat and it is acceptable to be yourself and accept all of you. There is no need to reject who you are and hate yourself for it, simply because your society looks down on it. It is your inner kindness and compassion that has brought you through your challenges and helped you keep friendships. Plus, overcome the curtain of blood hierarchy that traditionally separates us.

It will be hard for you. You hide so much of yourself and who you are to others, it brings me sorrow to see such an act. But, you being here is a grand step in the right path. The truth is I cannot tell you simply how to 'manage' that is something you must come to discover on your own. Hear my words and know that I speak the truth and perhaps they can help you. I am also here to lend my comfort when you need of it.

[papshooshing]

[ be surprised. Karkat doesn't fight the hug. just sort of accepts it. in a defeated manner. though he does feel a little disappointed. words. that's all he's going to get here? really? anyone can say words.

people say a lot of things. comfort? Gamzee's there for that. ]

Thought there'd be a little more than that.

[iron_infidel]

More then that?

[He continues to hold the younger troll close.]

What is it, try to be specific here so I can try and assist.

[papshooshing]

[ HUFF PUFF. actually this hug thing is good. means Signless can't see his face. ]

I don't know. Maybe a twelve step fucking program? Tips and tricks?

[iron_infidel]

[Gently he ran his fingers through the trolls hair and stopped himself short. He didn't want to give the troll the wrong impression. Simply Signless was glad to see that anger wasn't all this troll was. That his legacy lived on and here it was right in front of him. It was something he would always treasure.]

Mmmm, perhaps knowing just who you are destined to be might help? Karkat you...are in short a miracle come into being. I knew you would be hatched and would bring peace among the blood types. It was part of the memories I was blessed with to remember.

I can only offer tips that come from my own experiences.

[papshooshing]

[ this is Karkat Vantas. Karkat Vantas who essentially papped all of his surviving friends. who had talked with Eridan once about quadrant woes.

borderline pale for people? probably. ]

Miracle... Someone else might have said that once.

Sorry I didn't live up to that expectation, I guess. [ because he really didn't bring peace, did he? only death. ]

It's just any tips would be appreciated.

[iron_infidel]

Whomever spoke those words, know exactly what they are speaking of.

[He paused for a moment and tried to gather his words before speaking again.]

You did bring peace, death is always a factor Karkat. It is unavoidable. Simply because your friends died does not put you at fault, but I have already told you this and you refused to listen to reason and so I will not press it farther. I will tell you my story, perhaps from it you may learn some 'tips' that will allow you to cope with yourself.