animus_network | 009 ♑ [ninth honk/text]

y'all motherfuckers be thinking you all be getting your motherfuckin sneaky on at a brother.
AIN'T BEEN UP AND MOTHER FUCKING COUNTING ON ALL THEM EXTRASENSORIES WHAT I MOTHERFUCKIN GOT.
sensories what be allowing me the knowing on shit being fucking plotted before i motherfuckin get to be encountering at it.
THEM PETTY FUCKIN SCHEMES YOURS AIN'T GONNA BE PLAYING THE FUCK OUT WHAT ALL THE MOTHER FUCKING WAY YOU BE WANTING THEM TO.

i ain't gonna motherfucking eat it.
I MOTHER FUCKING AIN'T GONNA MOTHERFUCKING PUT ANY MOTHER FUCKING THING IN BETWEEN THESE MOTHERFUCKING LIPS NO MOTHERFUCKING MORE.
you ain't gonna win, motherfuckers.
YOU AIN'T GONNA MOTHERFUCKING WIN.
i ain't joining the traveling motherfuckin circus all at the hands of you motherfuckers.
I GO BY MY OWN FUCKIN HAND.
or i stay on this fucking fairground til what last mother fucking tent be razed.

SEND YOUR MOTHER FUCKING MOBS, MAY THEY AIN'T NEVER MOTHER FUCKING FIND WHERE I BE HID.
ain't got a single motherfuck to give on culling you all what come near.
BREAK THE TONGS FROM YOUR MOTHER FUCKING PITCHFORKS TO SHOVE THEM STRAIGHT IN EACH YOUR MOTHERFUCKING EYE JELLIES.
use them fuckin torches yours burning bright to scald the bubbly hide from your mother fucking bones.
YOU AIN'T GONNA SAVE NO ONE BY GETTING YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SLAUGHTER ON AT ME.
only lead your riotous selves to your mother fucking deaths.

I BE NOW WITH THE WORLD AT MY FUCKIN FLAP RAISING HELL UP AGAINST ME.
all you bitches what's i once thought chill be fuckin shovin your knives in my mother fucking spine.
BUT AIN'T WORTH BEIN SOUR OVER FUCKIN THAT TRAITOROUS NOISE.
i will stand a motherfucking lone on all your motherfuckin corpses like what i all was meant to in the first mother fucking place.

I WILL MOTHER FUCKING SHOW EVERY MOTHERFUCKER HOW MUCH A FUCKIN DANGER TO YOU ALL I MOTHERFUCKING AM.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He was prepared for anything to come out of Tavros' mouth. He was least of all prepared for that thing to be an apology, followed by them being placed against his forehead. It was the first time those lips had touched any part of his face, and he'd be a fucking liar if he said that, despite these trying circumstances, his cheeks didn't start on fire from it.]

[It's okay. It's okay, it's okay, Gamzee.]

[He closed his eyes, wrapping his fingers around Tavros' forearms and trying to find some calm - focused on the point of heat that remained on his forehead. He was a little disappointed to have that sensation taken away, but the disappointment was squashed as soon as he saw a smile back on the boy's face.]

[He couldn't answer for a while. He was trying to focus. He was getting over a sickness, his pan wasn't right. He was fine. He was good without the sopor, he was getting better, but this was a lot of emotions to try and handle at once.]

[You don't deserve this you don't deserve this HE DOESN'T

DESERVE YOU

the shitblood has no right

SHUT HIS DIRTY MOUTH

REND THE TONGUE HERETICAL OUT HIS PEASANT MOUTH]

Yeah!!!

[His fingers clamped tighter around Tavros' arms, and he swung his head up to meet those eyes with a smile of his own.]

Ain't you all just the best motherfucker what ever was to be existing?

Ain't you all fuckin' just.

[He said it softly, loosening his grip and running the pads of his fingertips apologetically over the warm skin there.]

I fuckin' trust in you, Tavros. Never ever had a solitary motherfuckin' doubt in you on anything fucking else. I... I, uh.

[He let a breath pass through his nose. What could he say that he hadn't already said a thousand times? How many more excuses could he come up with for his behavior?]

I don't wanna motherfuckin' hurt you. Like, ever, and shit... you know? I just, I...

[There weren't any more excuses. Tavros didn't deserve more excuses anyway. He just deserved change. Gamzee lowered his head to the arms he held, speaking into them.]

I'll motherfuckin' love you too, bro. I mean like, for always always? 'Cause like... I always fuckin' have? But, you motherfuckin' be all having your know on of that shit already, probably.

[He was uncharacteristically timid, now. It was almost as if Tavros had heard all of the screaming in his head. He was doing his best to make it up to the boy for it. Surely he'd known the way Gamzee had felt about him this whole time - it's not like he made it very subtle.]

[ The long pause between his words and Gamzee's, the troubled look on his face and the firm grasp on his arm were the warning signs.

It was just too obvious.

His smile didn't last for long and he watched Gamzee miserably. He didn't understand why he pitied him when he was supposed to be fearful of him instead. The lowblood is nowhere as brave as he pretends to be, and he would always be the first to raise the white flag and turn on his heels to safety. But, with Gamzee, even when the logical voice in his head warned him repeatedly to walk away from this, he felt drawn to him instead. Why though?

He couldn't help Gamzee. No one could.

In all honesty, he can assume this is the start toward the worst, but ... if he could ever manage to get a smile on the highblood's face, it's a good enough reason for him to stick around. Gosh, he owes him so much. So damn much. Tavros was so stupid for not noticing how much of a support Gamzee had been in his life, and he took him for granted. ]

I never knew ... that you were in love with me. I mean, before your confession and all.

I didn't know. I didn't notice ...

[ I was stupid.

It didn't matter right now. They had this discussion before, and Tavros had already promised himself and the highblood that he will make it up to him. He didn't know why he felt like this is the only time he can actually participate in an honest, serious conversation with Gamzee. Maybe because he is finally talking to him. Speaking his mind and being truthful. Tavros couldn't let such an opportunity slip and even with the sensitivity of his next inquiry, the lowblood didn't hesitate at all.

He returns their eye contact, trying to be as gentle as possible. ]

You say you don't want to hurt me. Does that mean you thought ... about hurting me?

I'm not ... trying to make you feel bad or anything. I just ... I need to know.

Don't motherfuckin' matter none, hahaha.

[He swallowed, waving his hand a little. The past was the past, whatever. Never look back. It was easy to think, but when you were someone who never looked forward, sometimes back was the only place you had left.]

Never fuckin' did. All what be mattering now be right motherfucking now, mmm?

[It was still difficult, but there was a feeling that they might get out of this mess okay. If he just didn't fuck up any more, it would be okay.]

[...]

[Fuck.]

[He would never think about hurting Tavros. Ever! Ever. Those... those things in his head, they weren't him. ...Were they? He'd never really thought about it before. They were in his head but were they him? What difference did it make? They were always bitching and yelling and sometimes he listened to them and sometimes he yelled at them to shut up and sometimes he tried his best to ignore them, much like now.]

[Were they his thoughts, though? Maybe if he focused on Tavros, he could find out if the source of that maliciousness was coming from h--]

[Why the fuck would he want to find that out!? Without breaking their eye contact, Gamzee's mouth fell into a scowl.]

I wouldn't motherfuckin' never be allowin' such thoughts of that nature at you, motherfucker.

[ He stares at Gamzee for a very long time, and just when all hope is lost in getting an answer out of the lowblood, he exhaled. ]

Okay.

[ ... It's not really okay.

It worried Tavros greatly, but ... he still wanted to be with him, and he refused to analyze his own logic behind it. He was far too tired and stubborn.

He released his hands, shifting a little so that he had their foreheads pressed against each other. Despite the close proximity, Tavros tried to maintain their eye contact as he cupped Gamzee's cheeks, keeping his voice low. ]

Okay, so here's the deal ...

You will stop hiding from me, and I will try to understand you better.

[ He pulls away just enough to leave a small kiss on one of Gamzee's cheeks, and then he returned to leaning on his forehead again. ]

I think we should start from there. Well, that's my opinion ....

What do you think, bro?

[The hands around Gamzee's cheeks were warm. Warm right through the paint and up under his skin until his eyes were heavy and his mouth drew into a languid smile. Tavros was still wanting him, after all of the shit he pulled. He was so relieved and so tired.]

[All he could feel was warm, and safe, and everything he hadn't felt not one night earlier. Tavros made it so simple... stop hiding.]

Mmn, I ain't never all wanting to fuckin' be anywhere what's isn't by where you is, motherfucker. Fuckin' all thinkin' that be a wicked good place to start.

[It was... surprisingly, not a lie. Even when Gamzee was hiding, even when he wanted to be alone, he really would rather be right here. Sometimes you just feel like you have no other choice than to run away. It's easier to face your fuckups if you just don't face them entirely. Keep moving forward, never look back. As brash, unorthodox, uninhibited, and unrestrained as Gamzee was, none of it would ever change the fact that, deep down, he was a coward.]

...I hide when I get scared.

009 ♑ [ninth honk/text]

[Action.]

[Action.]

[Action.]

[Fuck.]

[Action.]

[Action.]