Content Warning: Thread with Tavros got smutty I really can't believe I'm putting this right in the OP but the general public has a right to be warned.

[The feed clicks on, revealing an extremely wide, extremely frantic purple eye.]

[After a few seconds, the features surrounding said eye come into view, as the operator of the video backs up. And backs up a little more.]

[It's a gargantuan troll. Everything about him looks like it's been blown well out of reasonable proportion. His shoulders took up the width of the screen, and the way he hunched over couldn't have been anything but uncomfortable. His face was painted up like a monotone clown - all dark smudges against stark white. The design hadn't changed much in the sweeps he'd spent here. What was your face was your face, no matter how you felt about it. The paint was what he was born with, the design was a part of him - one thing in life that couldn't be done on a whim.]

[Most of that face, however, was obscured by the most absurd mane of hair imaginable. It exploded from his head in a mass of mats and twists and curls, getting in his eyes and mouth before running down his neck and past his shoulders. It was reminiscent of vines taking over a building - crawling up and threatening to engulf the two massive, spiraling horns that sprouted from his head.]

[For being as giant as he was, Gamzee had been lacking in the brute strength department - a solitary physical trait he failed to inherit from his ancestor. His limbs and neck were thick, but not as thick as they could or should be. His hands rivaled the size of dinner plates, but the fingers on them remained knuckles and spindle.]

[Now that both manic eyes were visible, as well as a decent amount of the rest of him, Gamzee's dark lips parted to speak, revealing terribly sharp and terribly disgusting fangs. Plucking a vial of dark purple liquid from his pants pocket, he held it up to the camera.]

All you magnanimous motherfuckers, please to be all popping the most righteous of motherfuckin' squats at the terminal and start bestowing on to your wicked brother all what's knowledge holy you up and got in those inferior thinkpans 'bout the matter what all is at being your mother fucking blood.

[There a bit of static as the network comes alive - the sort of fake, purposeful static you know is being used just to get your attention.]

Hey there, cats and kitties.

Time's come for the weekly buzz. This is Gamz, your lead man without a plan, inviting you to spread the gossip and share your woes.

I'll be on the network for the next half hour, after which we'll be having our usual counseling session in the cafeteria. See you there, my misbegotten ones.