☿ // 003; [video]

[fionnuisce]

[After his response to Ruana, the almost disturbingly composed Waver with his mercury maid behind him decided to address the network himself.]

I'll make this clear: I don't give a flying multiverse-traveling fuck how real or fake it is, I will give damn near anything for a cigarette right now.

[Either he'd gone completely insane or just snapped into harsh sarcasm and irritation as a defense mechanism.]

Comments

[puppy_lancer]

Whew.

[He sighs in relief.]

Sorry. Had to be sure.

[fionnuisce]

You're an idiot.

[puppy_lancer]

Well, you're the one who brought up the option of fucking that thing!

[fionnuisce]

You're the one that screws every woman in sight!

[puppy_lancer]

Not every woman.

[He makes a face at Waver.]

And besides, I've actually screwed women. Real women.

[fionnuisce]

So why don't you just go screw yourself while you're at it?

[puppy_lancer]

Because you're watching!

[fionnuisce]

It's a figure of speech, you brainless moron!

[puppy_lancer]

[He growls and crosses his arms.]

Anyway, now that we know neither of us are fucking it, let's move on to what I actually wanna use it for, alright?

[A pause.]

And don't worry, I'm not gonna ask you to let Diarmuid fuck it.

[fionnuisce]

...I actually almost want to punch you sometimes, you know that? But fine, what were you actually talking about?

[puppy_lancer]

Alright, you know that thing with the rumors a while back? Whoever carved a rumor into the wall gets it carved on their bodies? I wanna use it to look for a certain set of rumors.

[fionnuisce]

It doesn't have x-ray vision, you realize.

[puppy_lancer]

Yeah, but it can strip people, right? Or slide down their clothes?

[fionnuisce]

...I'm not doing this.

[puppy_lancer]

Look, just help me find who's been starting rumors about me and Archer. Please?

[fionnuisce]

I'm not going to strip anybody!

[puppy_lancer]

Technically it won't be you. It'll be the mercury! And you won't need to do anything other than stripping them!

[fionnuisce]

Absolutely not, and that's the last word on the subject!

[puppy_lancer]

[He pouts.]

Alright, alright. I'll ask for something else.

[fionnuisce]

Fine with me.

[puppy_lancer]

Is it...okay to ask you to help me with my brother, then? I mean, yeah, you're already doing it, but I need you to help in a specific way.

[fionnuisce]

You don't even need to ask. What should I do?

[puppy_lancer]

Ah...finding him comes first, I guess. Oh, and ask if he has any special men or women who he likes. He's turned down every girl I've sent him on a date with so far.