[Video/Action] Bittersweet the Bonds of the Heart

[oathshackledbird]

[Losing Mami, who he viewed as an adopted daughter, last month had been hard, but Diarmuid had worked his way through his grief by focusing on the happy times they had spent together.  However, when three more people he is close to are sent home--two of which he cares for like his own children--those happy memories become a source of pain instead of a route passed the grief.

When he appears on the Network, Diarmuid looks more lost and empty than he has in a long time.]

Usually, when I address everyone, I am asking for help on a project that will benefit the whole Tower.  Today, I am asking for help on a more personal level.

How does one handle losing a child?  Not just one, but several over a short period of time?  Nothing I try seems to work, and I am...

[His voice trails off here, shaking and uncertain.  A short time later, the feed ends.]

Action:

[After making his post, Diarmuid can be found wandering the Tower almost as if he hopes one of the floors might give him the answers he seeks.  There are some specific prompts below, but feel free to find him elsewhere.]

Room 4-16:

[A handmade wooden box sits on the bed next to Diarmuid.  Once it held chocolates, now it holds letters.  Several written in a childish hand are sitting on the top, but what Diarmuid is looking at is a pair of drawings that are usually set up near his bed on the nightstand.

He's not crying...  He's not...]

Floor 48 (The Graveyard):

[Rabbit would probably scold Diarmuid for singing what is suppose to be a funny song in such a sad voice, but it's hard to be happy when he is singing the song alone to the gravestone of the person who was suppose to be singing it with him.  He and Yotsuba had promised to get together to sing Rabbit's songs as a way of honoring their friend's memory...

Now that is never going to happen in any way other than this.]

Floor 3 (The Library):

[There is ink smudged on his cheek and his arm, but Diarmuid doesn't notice.  On the surface, he's focused on printing more copies of the Tower Guide to put out for those who might want them, but really he's in the Library for a very different reason.  Tohko was always here and it's like he feels spending time here will help him find her again--find that cheerful voice who had so often redirected him when he didn't know what to do next.  He almost expects to look up and see her there, smiling and ready to offer her help with what he's working on.

Unfortunately, no matter how long he waits, that will not happen.]

Floor 28 (The Music Room):

[Before even his brother, Labrys had been the first family Diarmuid had in this place.  Their bond created during the January experiment, afterward they had talked about learning to play an instrument together, but life in the Tower and his indecisiveness had kept them from doing so.  Now, as his hands run over the piano he had once heard her picking a tune out on, the sound of his grief blocks any music the instrument might make.

How is it that one who once lived his life with no regrets has so many of them now?]

Comments

Floor 28

[floreatnoctem]

[She had intended to find him much sooner than she manages, climbing her way up to the music room with her usual silence. The piano makes her pause, and she closes her eyes and wonders, briefly, if Minato had ever gotten the chance to play it while he was here.

But she distracts herself with thinking of a way to speak up without being too intrusive, but she knows no matter what, she'll be interrupting something.]

There's no real handling it, you know.

[Her voice is it's usual soft pitch, hands clasped behind her back as she finally steps off the stairs and into the room.]

Losing anyone at all in this place- it isn't something you just get over. Not the way people seem to think.

Floor 28

[oathshackledbird]

I know that...

[Diarmuid looks up, only briefly because he doesn't recognize the voice. His expression is tired and searching all at the same time.]

But I have to find a way. I don't want to forget them or anything like that, but I have to find something to help control the pain. I can't keep fighting like this, and I won't accept giving up. They can't fight anymore so I have to fight for them. Somehow...

[He pauses here and shakes his head, trying and failing to smile.]

We...haven't met before, have we? May I ask your name?

[floreatnoctem]

[She's struck, for a moment, by how handsome he is- which says something, because Chidori isn't the type who is all that easy to make an impression on in any regard. She makes her way closer after a moment though, and leans against the side of the piano, making a soft humming noise.]

I'm afraid that fighting through the pain is the only thing to do. You have to. For them more than anything, yes.

[She pauses to consider how to phrase things, leaning her head back to look absently at the ceiling.]

But at the same time, you can't pretend the pain isn't there. If you ignore it, it will eat at you from the inside out.

[She stops then, looking back at him, her expression contrite.]

Apologies- I must sound quite presumptuous for someone you've never met. I'm Chidori- Yoshino Chidori.

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid shakes his head, trying to smile again and still failing.]

No, you are only speaking from the heart and the advice is welcome. I know these things...but the pain makes it hard to hear them when I tell them to myself. Even though I almost lost myself before by ignoring my feelings. Hearing it from another is different...

[He pauses a moment, tilting his head slightly.]

You said your name is Chidori? Would you be the one Ken mentioned?

[floreatnoctem]

You should stop trying to force that.

[She remarks on the not-smile carefully, leaning against the piano a little more heavily.]

Sometimes it takes someone telling you what you already know for it to sink in. And sometimes you need for someone to keep reminding you not to lose yourself.

[She blinks in surprise, but nods, tipping her head to one side.]

You know my Ken?

[oathshackledbird]

[Her comment on his attempt to smile does make Diarmuid smile slightly.]

I need people to tell me that kind of thing a lot. Giving advice and then taking your own advice are two very different things, and I have a self-sacrificing streak a mile wide. I suppose that is why I finally reached out for help and posted to the Network earlier. At least, I recognized I needed help for once instead of just pretending its all okay.

[He gives her a curious look.]

Your Ken, hu? We met not long ago. He was in the same room as me when we were all trapped after the explosions.

[A self-conscious look crosses his face.]

I felt so sorry for him being stuck up there with us while we lost our minds...

[floreatnoctem]

I understand- it's difficult to take advice when it goes against your nature. But sometimes it's in your best interest to do things you normally wouldn't- they help keep you from falling into self-destructive patterns.

[She blinks, and then nods slowly.]

Yes, my Ken. He's my youngest brother- I am... very overprotective.

[And that's putting it lightly.]

He said some of the people he was stuck with were very... vexing. But he's a patient one, in his own way. It's probably best we weren't together. I tend to light people on fire if they bother him.

[Said with complete and utter seriousness.]

[oathshackledbird]

Me, fall into self-destructive patterns? Never...

[Oh, the sarcasm is heavy in those words, though it fades when he starts talking about Ken. He actually sounds a little embarrassed.]

Don't take this the wrong way, but I am glad you weren't there either. I...was a bigger fool than usual and I really would rather not see my brother set on fire even if he deserves it sometimes.

I hope Ken wasn't too upset by what happened. I hear things got a little crazy at one point, but I dozed off so I missed most of it. The shouting woke me.

[Notice he doesn't question the 'setting people on fire' part.]

[floreatnoctem]

Oh I wouldn't dare to think.

[Chidori's sarcasm is perfectly deadpan, cultivated from long years of dealing with Jin and Minato.]

I wasn't aware there were so many people with family here. But even so, if Ken didn't shock anyone with Dike, I suppose things weren't so bad. Though if I might-- you don't seem the foolish type.

[Or at least, not in the sort of way that would irk Ken.]

...shouting?

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid shakes his head.]

He's not my brother in blood. He is my brother in spirit. I have gathered quite a large adopted family in my time here. It is good so we can all depend on each other, but in times like this--when it is they who are sent away--it is also very painful.

While I cannot speak for the others, I had seen a Persona before Dike, though I had not seen one summoned quite like that before. It would have been nice if Ken had thought to warn us before doing what he did, but he was understandably frustrated.

[Diarmuid seems a little embarrassed as she mentions that he doesn't look foolish.]

I must be a good actor. Waver calls me an idiot all the time, and he's usually right. I lived in Ancient Ireland during my first life and even though I was given some information on the modern day, many of my mindsets are still very old-fashioned and I often make choices that others just don't understand. That...and I tend to be foolishly self-sacrificing sometimes, as I was that day.

[Her question about the shouting makes him shake his head again.]

I am not sure exactly what was going on since I was asleep. I just woke up to several people telling my brother and Asagi to knock it off. Considering the two involved, I think it is better I don't know exactly what was going on.

[floreatnoctem]

Ah- I understand. I used to have someone I felt similarly about here. [A slight inclination of her head.] And I suppose there is Naoya now as well...

[Though she's not sure if classifying her boyfriend as 'family' is the right way to put it.]

We were very surprised to find people summoning Personas in a manner other than that, honestly. But the fact that he did it at all means his temper was very short.

[Because Chidori has a lot of faith in Ken's maturity level.]

It's alright to be self-sacrificing. Sometimes, it's the only way one can really think to act. However... if someone else has other ideas about it, it may be wise to heed their advice.

[She frowns a bit at the last bit, mouth twisting in displeasure.]

Really. Perhaps I should have a talk with this brother of yours about what is acceptable behavior in public.

[oathshackledbird]

Used to? Is that why you know how I'm feeling? Because you've had someone close to you sent away? I'm sorry...

[The more people Diarmuid talks to, the more he realizes just how lucky he was to have been in the Tower so long before he started losing those close to him.]

I can't blame him for his temper being short. We were all very stressed those first few days. None of us were at our bests.

[Not that the stress had gone down as days had passed, but they had found out pretty quickly it was not a good idea to be loud which meant no arguing.]

Chidori, I know we have just met, but would it be asking too much to request you not set my brother on fire? He's died quite a few times already and I would rather he not add to that total...

[floreatnoctem]

Our other brother- Minato. There is a version of him still here, but he is not Ours, and he cannot take his place.

[Chidori tries her best not to dwell on the fact, because otherwise she tends to worry herself in circles over his not being in the tower anymore. About what could be happening to his soul while she has yet to save it.]

I can imagine it was very taxing. I suppose it's lucky our room was so quiet, more or less.

[Though Chidori doesn't doubt that the need for silence probably helped Ken keep himself calm for a great deal of what had gone on.]

...I suppose I can refrain from setting him alight for a while. Though if I may add- at this point, killing people is becoming too simple a punishment for their actions in this tower.

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid nods, her words reminding him of his own problem with someone for whom death is not the right punishment.]

Yes, there is one here who has slighted me and those I care about in ways that cannot ever be forgiven, and yet I have not been able to repay him because for him death would not matter. In fact, he would probably gain pleasure from knowing he had pushed me to such an action.

[Sephiroth... Someday, Diarmuid is going to find a way to make him pay for what he's done, 'truce' over the collar fluid research or not.]

My brother isn't like that. He has died too many times already. I would rather he not add any more to his tally any time soon. He is too much like me sometimes. Far too willing to throw away his life on the off chance that someone might benefit from it.

[floreatnoctem]

There is always a punishment to be found. A chink in the armor. One must simply know what to look for.

[She smiles thinly, coldly, the smile of someone who would find said chinks and exploit them gleefully if she had to.]

...it is foolish to sacrifice yourself for others here. Better to stay alive so that you might continue to protect them, in my opinion.

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid slightly raises an eyebrow at that smile, but decides in the end not to ask her about it.]

That is what I hope. If I look hard enough and long enough, I will find something that can be used against him.

[As she continues speaking, Diarmuid can't help but shrug at her words.]

He and I are heroes. Sometimes we get so caught up protecting others that we forget we have to be alive ourselves to keep doing it. We're trying to get better, though.