[Video/Action] Bittersweet the Bonds of the Heart

[oathshackledbird]

[Losing Mami, who he viewed as an adopted daughter, last month had been hard, but Diarmuid had worked his way through his grief by focusing on the happy times they had spent together.  However, when three more people he is close to are sent home--two of which he cares for like his own children--those happy memories become a source of pain instead of a route passed the grief.

When he appears on the Network, Diarmuid looks more lost and empty than he has in a long time.]

Usually, when I address everyone, I am asking for help on a project that will benefit the whole Tower.  Today, I am asking for help on a more personal level.

How does one handle losing a child?  Not just one, but several over a short period of time?  Nothing I try seems to work, and I am...

[His voice trails off here, shaking and uncertain.  A short time later, the feed ends.]

Action:

[After making his post, Diarmuid can be found wandering the Tower almost as if he hopes one of the floors might give him the answers he seeks.  There are some specific prompts below, but feel free to find him elsewhere.]

Room 4-16:

[A handmade wooden box sits on the bed next to Diarmuid.  Once it held chocolates, now it holds letters.  Several written in a childish hand are sitting on the top, but what Diarmuid is looking at is a pair of drawings that are usually set up near his bed on the nightstand.

He's not crying...  He's not...]

Floor 48 (The Graveyard):

[Rabbit would probably scold Diarmuid for singing what is suppose to be a funny song in such a sad voice, but it's hard to be happy when he is singing the song alone to the gravestone of the person who was suppose to be singing it with him.  He and Yotsuba had promised to get together to sing Rabbit's songs as a way of honoring their friend's memory...

Now that is never going to happen in any way other than this.]

Floor 3 (The Library):

[There is ink smudged on his cheek and his arm, but Diarmuid doesn't notice.  On the surface, he's focused on printing more copies of the Tower Guide to put out for those who might want them, but really he's in the Library for a very different reason.  Tohko was always here and it's like he feels spending time here will help him find her again--find that cheerful voice who had so often redirected him when he didn't know what to do next.  He almost expects to look up and see her there, smiling and ready to offer her help with what he's working on.

Unfortunately, no matter how long he waits, that will not happen.]

Floor 28 (The Music Room):

[Before even his brother, Labrys had been the first family Diarmuid had in this place.  Their bond created during the January experiment, afterward they had talked about learning to play an instrument together, but life in the Tower and his indecisiveness had kept them from doing so.  Now, as his hands run over the piano he had once heard her picking a tune out on, the sound of his grief blocks any music the instrument might make.

How is it that one who once lived his life with no regrets has so many of them now?]

Comments

[oathshackledbird]

I know that!

[Diarmuid doesn't mean for his voice to sound so harsh, but it does. Immediately afterward, though, he softens his words.]

I know... The last thing I want to do is insult their memory. That is why I am so upset that right now. Instead of being able to deal with the pain, whenever I think of them my brain just stops and I can't do anything. How can I fight for them when I can't think straight?

[guardianlight]

[All would be forgiven if she gave a damn about the harshness. She knows the coping mechanism well.]

Take your time and come to terms with it. [Though the sooner the better.] But sometimes it's no longer a matter of "can" or "can't". Sometimes you just do to survive.

[oathshackledbird]

Time...the one thing we don't have much of.

[Diarmuid shuts his eyes and takes a moment to finish calming himself down.]

I will have to find a way. That is all. Thank you. It sounds like this is something you unfortunately have too much experience with.

[guardianlight]

I know.

[The countdown clock is a constant reminder, and yet... she cannot help but be reminded of the mark she bore. A curse that ticked down the days...]

Yeah. You could say that.

[oathshackledbird]

Do...you wish to speak of it?

[If Diarmuid sounds a little tentative, it is because he is. They have only just met, but she was kind enough to listen to him. The least he can do is return the favor, but at the same time he doesn't know her well enough to know if asking is the right thing or not.]

I would not mind listening if you did.

[guardianlight]

...There isn't much to say.

[It's a thoughtful gesture, and in her mind, there really isn't much to say. Were it not for Serah's words, she would likely be blaming herself even more than she still was. At least she appreciates the attempt.]

I once promised to protect someone, but that's just it: lightning can't protect; it only destroys.

[said with all the steeliness of a soldier, but all that subtext...]

[oathshackledbird]

[Her tone resonates with Diarmuid now that his emotions are calmer. It's familiar--that feeling of having failed to protect someone--too familiar. No wonder she had known what to say to him.]

Lightning, like all things of great power, takes much skill to learn to control. While learning, accidents will happen. As will failure.

[His expression softens.]

You can just survive or you can survive and grow at the same time, so that those mistakes don't reoccur. It is one thing to survive so that we don't insult those we survive, Don't you think those we survive would really rather us do more than just survive?

[He thinks of Yotsuba then. She would never want him to just survive. She would want him to be happy. To love life. To bring happiness to others even with her gone. Or perhaps, in her place.

Sometimes, surviving just isn't enough.]