[Video/Action] Bittersweet the Bonds of the Heart

[oathshackledbird]

[Losing Mami, who he viewed as an adopted daughter, last month had been hard, but Diarmuid had worked his way through his grief by focusing on the happy times they had spent together.  However, when three more people he is close to are sent home--two of which he cares for like his own children--those happy memories become a source of pain instead of a route passed the grief.

When he appears on the Network, Diarmuid looks more lost and empty than he has in a long time.]

Usually, when I address everyone, I am asking for help on a project that will benefit the whole Tower.  Today, I am asking for help on a more personal level.

How does one handle losing a child?  Not just one, but several over a short period of time?  Nothing I try seems to work, and I am...

[His voice trails off here, shaking and uncertain.  A short time later, the feed ends.]

Action:

[After making his post, Diarmuid can be found wandering the Tower almost as if he hopes one of the floors might give him the answers he seeks.  There are some specific prompts below, but feel free to find him elsewhere.]

Room 4-16:

[A handmade wooden box sits on the bed next to Diarmuid.  Once it held chocolates, now it holds letters.  Several written in a childish hand are sitting on the top, but what Diarmuid is looking at is a pair of drawings that are usually set up near his bed on the nightstand.

He's not crying...  He's not...]

Floor 48 (The Graveyard):

[Rabbit would probably scold Diarmuid for singing what is suppose to be a funny song in such a sad voice, but it's hard to be happy when he is singing the song alone to the gravestone of the person who was suppose to be singing it with him.  He and Yotsuba had promised to get together to sing Rabbit's songs as a way of honoring their friend's memory...

Now that is never going to happen in any way other than this.]

Floor 3 (The Library):

[There is ink smudged on his cheek and his arm, but Diarmuid doesn't notice.  On the surface, he's focused on printing more copies of the Tower Guide to put out for those who might want them, but really he's in the Library for a very different reason.  Tohko was always here and it's like he feels spending time here will help him find her again--find that cheerful voice who had so often redirected him when he didn't know what to do next.  He almost expects to look up and see her there, smiling and ready to offer her help with what he's working on.

Unfortunately, no matter how long he waits, that will not happen.]

Floor 28 (The Music Room):

[Before even his brother, Labrys had been the first family Diarmuid had in this place.  Their bond created during the January experiment, afterward they had talked about learning to play an instrument together, but life in the Tower and his indecisiveness had kept them from doing so.  Now, as his hands run over the piano he had once heard her picking a tune out on, the sound of his grief blocks any music the instrument might make.

How is it that one who once lived his life with no regrets has so many of them now?]

Comments

[oathshackledbird]

I understand that and I want to be strong for all of them. That is part of the problem.

[Diarmuid looks blankly out at Yotsuba's tombstone.]

I just keep getting overwhelmed by the feelings of loss and sadness that I can do nothing at all. It is that I need to get passed. How do I do it? Just wanting to be strong isn't enough.

[sicharia]

The desire is just as important as acting on it. Knowing that you need to keep going, for their sake— I don't think I'd be able to stand some days, if it weren't for that.

It's the same as when my husband passed. That was... [She glances down at her bandaged hand, then back up.] I was marked as a Master just days after that, so I made the way I felt into a motivation instead of letting it break me. If there's anything productive you could turn your focus to, please do. Don't try to 'fix' the way you feel first.

[oathshackledbird]

I...could work on printing some extra copies of the Tower Guide. Usually, if I need to be distracted, I go monster hunting or patrolling.

[Diarmuid frowns and then shakes his head.]

I don't think that is the kind of distraction I need right now. It would probably end badly for me. It did once before...

[He looks up at her with a small, though grateful smile on his face.]

Thank you. I am sorry this has brought up such sad memories for you...

[sicharia]

Mm... It'd probably be better to think of something with a long term goal, anyway. That's better than a more temporary distraction, if you can manage it.

[The smile she answers him with is a little wry. She shrugs a shoulder.]

It's fine. If my experience could help another person, then I'm glad.

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid nods.]

I will keep that in mind. And you have most certainly helped me. You are an amazingly strong person. I am very glad you stopped to talk to me.

[He looks down, suddenly seeming uneasy about something.]

Do you mind if I ask you a question?

[sicharia]

Ah— I don't know about that. [She chuckles, sounding a bit sheepish.] But if I was able to tell you something you needed to hear, good.

[But she notices his unease as it settles about him, and she shifts, attentive and concerned all over again.]

Not at all. What is it?

[oathshackledbird]

The post I made to the Network earlier... Kariya responded to it and he seemed...different.

[A worried look crosses his face.]

What happened to him over the last few months? Why is he so unsteady?

[There are more unspoken questions: Why haven't you helped him? Why hasn't Lancelot? Why haven't I?]

[sicharia]

...Mm.

[She exhales, her lips pursing together, and folds her arms. Rocking back on her heel, her brow furrows, and she automatically looks aside as she considers what to tell him.]

I don't think he's really recovered from what happened when those shadows appeared.

[Of course, she assumes he's referring to something else entirely when he says "unsteady."]

[oathshackledbird]

They would have been very hard on him...

[Diarmuid's not sure what else to say. He gets the impression she's not telling him everything, but really what right does he have to ask? If he was a better friend, he would not have let this much time pass since he talked to Kariya, and yet he had...]

Is...there anything I can do?

[sicharia]

[She sighs again, sounding more resigned this time.]

I'm not sure. I'm not sure what would be able to help him... I can't say whether there's a way to heal that kind of mental strain. [Because she assumes he's referring to the times when he isn't quite sure of his surroundings and details like who is or is not in the Tower.] Just... If he's alone when you see him, keep an eye on him.

[oathshackledbird]

You don't even need to ask that. I would do it without being asking.

[Diarmuid shuts his eyes, almost flinching as memories of Kariya as he was back during the January experiment float into his mind.]

If there is a way to keep him from falling farther, I will do all I can.

[sicharia]

Thank you. But... Listen. At the same time, don't coddle him. It's a difficult line to walk, but sometimes even well-intention gestures can feel demoralizing.

[Not that she's speaking from experience or anything!!!]

[oathshackledbird]

I...understand. More than you may know.

[After all, he had given Kariya everything he wanted--or thought he wanted--in January and that had not gone well.]

I just...don't want to see him lose himself again.

[sicharia]

[At that, she simply nods, not questioning his words.]

All right. Thank you.

[oathshackledbird]

You are welcome. It is the least I can do.

[He falls quiet a moment, looking at Yotsuba's stone and then looks back at Claudia.]

I think I have mourned enough for now. She would rather my smiles than my tears anyway. Thank you again for your words. It was good to see you. It is just too bad it wasn't a happier meeting.

[sicharia]

[She shrugs and smiles a little, apparently unconcerned.]

Maybe, but it wasn't an unpleasant one. [She glances toward the surrounding graves, then says:] I should probably get back to work now, anyway. Let me know if you need anything.

[oathshackledbird]

I will, Claudia. Please be well.

[For a moment, his hand reaches out to touch the top of the stone and then he turns to walk away.]