animus_network | [Video/Action] Bittersweet the Bonds of the Heart

[Losing Mami, who he viewed as an adopted daughter, last month had been hard, but Diarmuid had worked his way through his grief by focusing on the happy times they had spent together. However, when three more people he is close to are sent home--two of which he cares for like his own children--those happy memories become a source of pain instead of a route passed the grief.

When he appears on the Network, Diarmuid looks more lost and empty than he has in a long time.]

Usually, when I address everyone, I am asking for help on a project that will benefit the whole Tower. Today, I am asking for help on a more personal level.

How does one handle losing a child? Not just one, but several over a short period of time? Nothing I try seems to work, and I am...

[His voice trails off here, shaking and uncertain. A short time later, the feed ends.]

Action:

[After making his post, Diarmuid can be found wandering the Tower almost as if he hopes one of the floors might give him the answers he seeks. There are some specific prompts below, but feel free to find him elsewhere.]

Room 4-16:

[A handmade wooden box sits on the bed next to Diarmuid. Once it held chocolates, now it holds letters. Several written in a childish hand are sitting on the top, but what Diarmuid is looking at is a pair of drawings that are usually set up near his bed on the nightstand.

He's not crying... He's not...]

Floor 48 (The Graveyard):

[Rabbit would probably scold Diarmuid for singing what is suppose to be a funny song in such a sad voice, but it's hard to be happy when he is singing the song alone to the gravestone of the person who was suppose to be singing it with him. He and Yotsuba had promised to get together to sing Rabbit's songs as a way of honoring their friend's memory...

Now that is never going to happen in any way other than this.]

Floor 3 (The Library):

[There is ink smudged on his cheek and his arm, but Diarmuid doesn't notice. On the surface, he's focused on printing more copies of the Tower Guide to put out for those who might want them, but really he's in the Library for a very different reason. Tohko was always here and it's like he feels spending time here will help him find her again--find that cheerful voice who had so often redirected him when he didn't know what to do next. He almost expects to look up and see her there, smiling and ready to offer her help with what he's working on.

Unfortunately, no matter how long he waits, that will not happen.]

Floor 28 (The Music Room):

[Before even his brother, Labrys had been the first family Diarmuid had in this place. Their bond created during the January experiment, afterward they had talked about learning to play an instrument together, but life in the Tower and his indecisiveness had kept them from doing so. Now, as his hands run over the piano he had once heard her picking a tune out on, the sound of his grief blocks any music the instrument might make.

How is it that one who once lived his life with no regrets has so many of them now?]

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[The servant's sharp glance is more than enough to make Rick draw back, eyes drawn to the floor and cheeks flushing deep red. Despite being sufficiently chided, he still manages to scrounge up the resolve to argue (ironically, a testament to how comfortable he feels around Diarmuid).]

--B-But if she c-comes up here--I c-c-can't just--I--

Unless something very much out of the ordinary happens, she will not come up here. The only time I have heard of her actually showing up here herself was at a wedding in January. In February, the Administrators met with us to answer questions, but Ruana was not with them and I doubt that kind of question session will be repeated with relations between us and the Administrators being as they are now.

[The stern look on his face softens back into worry.]

Please Rick, do not try to do anything to her. Right now messing with any Administrator--especially her--will only lead to death.

[Rick's face falls, the resolve drained from him by reason. So while the other admins had visited during their months, Ruana probably wouldn't...not unless something happened here to catch her attention, perhaps. He wouldn't know how to do something like that.]

[Not that he's completely swayed; his expression hardens and his hands curl into tight fists at his side.]

--B-B-B-But d-doing n-nothing--I've t-t-tried that, and she-- [Rick scowls at the floor.] --I-I can't p-promise that I w-won't...t-try something if she c-comes up here. I d-don't...know what e-else to do.

I am the last person who will tell anyone not to prepare themselves to fight if there is a fight coming. However, I am the first person who will tell you what so many others have told me.

[Diarmuid shifts his head so that he can meet Rick's eyes.]

Don't risk your life unnecessarily. Fighting Ruana now is suicide. Your skills are better suited here, supporting your friends, protecting those who need to be protected, helping the research team...

All of that will be lost to us if you are dead. Even if you will come back in one day, that is one less day we will have to work and perhaps discover the key to making it so that we can finally fight Ruana and win.

[Rick manages to stubbornly hold Diarmuid's gaze for several seconds--several seconds longer than he would typically feel comfortable doing--before he gives in and slumps his shoulders.]

...Y-You're r-r-right. [Though the way he averts his eyes says he's not convinced.] I sh--should know...well I...

[Rick viciously bites his lip in a sudden fit of frustration.]

--D-Diarmuid, I--y-you're t-t-trained for...you know...th--these s-sorts of things. I've n-never...I-I'm s-sorry if I s-sound...i-i-impatient. I just don't know w-what to do with m-myself.

[Diarmuid reaches out to give Rick's shoulder another comforting squeeze.]

Training and experience only helps so much in a place like this. I don't know if it is going to be more troubling or more comforting, but despite my training, often I am as unsure what to do next as you are. Basically, it is one step at a time. Make yourself ready, be alert and look for anything that might help us, but don't be foolish and don't risk yourself for gains that might very well be worth nothing or do more harm than good.

Does any of that help?

[He pauses and, more swayed than last time, pensively nods.] ...Yeah. Y-Yeah, i-i-it does. I'm-- [Rick gives a pained laugh and combs a hand through his hair.] --s-sorry. I'm n-not r-r-really thinking s-straight right now. It d-d-definitely h-helps...h-having s-someone to talk s-some s-s-sense into me. Thanks.

Don't be sorry.

[Diarmuid shakes his head and gives Rick a gentle smile.]

It is the least I can do considering you are my friend and how often people have had to do the same for me. Even the most cheerful and balanced people are uncertain and scared sometimes. Especially in a place like this. We have to watch out for each other. We are all we have.

[That is why it hurts so much for Diarmuid when people leave. Even more than others, the things Diarmuid has here are literally all he has. He probably cherishes them more than others, perhaps more than is healthy at times, but it is better than allowing this new chance at life to be just as tragic as his past ones have been.]

[Rick nods once with determination.]

...D-Don't worry. I'm n-not g-g-going a-anywhere a-anytime soon.

[That definitely won't come back to bite him in the ass later!]

I know. You will do your best to stay. It is all any of us can do.

[Diarmuid could argue that it is impossible for anyone to promise to stay here, but he knows Rick really knows that too. His promise might have been that he is going to stay on the surface, but deep down it really is that he will stay as long as he is allowed to.

It's just how thing work when one is captive in a place that randomly sends people away.]

[Video/Action] Bittersweet the Bonds of the Heart

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