00:01

[shoosh]

OKAY.
FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW HOW THESE GO. IN A STUNNING EXAMPLE OF WHAT SEEMS TO BE A CLEAR LACK OF INTELLIGENCE, I ACTUALLY READ THROUGH THIS INANE PIECE OF SHIT BEFORE I STARTED TYPING.
I DON’T NEED YOUR WITTY BANTER AND USELESS INFORMATION SO KNOCK IT OFF IN ADVANCE.
THE REASON WHY I’M BOTHERING WITH THIS FESTERING COLLECTION OF HIGHLY DISTASTEFUL HISTRIONICS AT ALL IS FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY:
I’M GOING TO TEACH ALL YOU BLATHERING NUTJOBS ABOUT THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM`.
THIS IS A HIGHLY CHERISHED SYSTEM AND I DIDN’T MAKE IT UP THIS SECOND, SHUT YOUR PUZZLE TRAP AND FUCK OFF.
BY FUCK OFF I MEAN SIT DOWN AND LISTEN BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT AND HIGHLY RELEVANT WHEN YOU'RE GOING AROUND SNATCHING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR UNIVERSES WHEN THEY'VE GOT IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.
`DESTROYED` ISN'T SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENS TO ENTIRE UNIVERSES, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM` IS A ONE TO TEN SCALE OF HOW OKAY YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION.
THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH INFORMATION ALREADY, BUT I KNOW THAT A VAST MAJORITY OF YOU ARE HAPLESS, BRAINLESS, FLESHY PINK HUMAN MEATBAGS, SO I’LL ELABORATE.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
THE SCALE IS SIMPLE ENOUGH, WHERE YOU GAUGE HOW `OKAY` YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION USING ONE DIGIT NUMBERS, A CONCEPT THAT EVEN THE MOST INTELLIGENCE-CHALLENGED INDIVIDUAL CAN UNDERSTAND.
ONE IS THE LOWEST END OF THE SCALE, TEN IS THE HIGHEST.
THAT NEEDED CLARIFICATION.
AGAIN, YOU’RE WELCOME.
FOR EXAMPLE, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU NEANDERTHRASHING FUCKSPONGES WILL NEED ONE, I WILL RATE THE SITUATION I’M IN RIGHT NOW USING THE NOT OKAY SCALE.
THAT SITUATION BEING, OF COURSE, THAT I’VE BEEN MERCILESSLY RIPPED OUT OF MY UNIVERSE AND THEREFORE STRIPPED OF MY IMPORTANT LEADER DUTIES.
JUST IN CASE YOU’D FORGOTTEN.
RATING MYSELF ON A ONE TO TEN SCALE, WITH ONE BEING DELIGHTFULLY CONTENT LIKE A BUCKTOOTHED IDIOT DANCING NAKED IN THE RAIN AND TEN BEING PSYCHO JUGGALO ASSHOLE SUDDENLY GETTING A WICKED THIRST FOR THE KILLS
I WOULD BE AROUND A 6.
MIDWAY UP THE SCALE, DECIDEDLY NOT OKAY BUT NOT BEING AN OBNOXIOUS BULGEREEK ABOUT IT.
HAD I NOT HAD THE MENTAL CAPACITY, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU DON’T, TO FLIP THROUGH THIS BOOK FIRST, I WOULD BE TWELVE OR THIRTEEN ON THE SCALE.
IT’S MY SCALE I CAN GO HIGHER THAN THE LIMIT IF I WANT TO, FUCK OFF.
THIRTEEN WOULD BE PEELING OFF ALL MY SKIN, FILING DOWN MY HORNS AND GOING ON A BLEARY AND CONFUSED MURDER SPREE.
I WAS FEELING MAGNANIMOUS WITH MY BRAIN POWER AND SAVED YOU ALL THE TROUBLE OF DEALING WITH THAT.
THIS MEMO HAS ALMOST REACHED ITS CONCLUSION, BUT BEFORE I LEAVE YOU DUMBFUCKS BACK TO YOUR IGNORANCE BUBBLES, I WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE CLARIFIED:
THIS IS NOT ME BEING OBNOXIOUS AND TELLING YOU HOW TO ACCURATELY GAUGE YOUR LIFE WITH MY SPARKLING PERSONALITY AND ENDLESS INTELLECT
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MEMO CONTAINING A PRICELESS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE INANE AND THE IDIOTIC.
(THAT’S YOU.)

Comments

[caliginous]

I'm an asshole, but I'm not that much of an asshole. Its the tower's idea of a good joke.

The drones only come out at night. Your Empress lives here, though.

[shoosh]

[ ok wait no this is skeeving him out. ]

SO YOU KNOW WHY THE EMPRESS AND THE DRONES ARE PROBLEMS FOR ME.
HOW MUCH ELSE DO YOU KNOW AND WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU THAT.

[caliginous]

Oh, are we finally entering the state of believing me now?

[He frowns a little. He really doesn't want to mention Kanaya, but he knows he can't hide her anymore now that she's typing in bright fucking red.]

Lets just say there are certain constants between timelines, and I'd recognize that cover up act anywhere.

[shoosh]

EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID HAS CHECKED OUT SO FAR.
THE ONLY REASON I'VE GOT NOT TO BELIEVE YOU COMES FROM HOW MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE YOU ARE.
ON SECOND THOUGHT I GUESS THAT'S ENOUGH OF A REASON.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

[caliginous]

Great, I'll get the motion picture recording device prepared for your stunning inept and inevitable stumble into the proverbial jaws of ignorance that will leave you bleeding helplessly on the ground under your Empress' culling fork.

[yes that was all in one breath don't judge him.]

1/2

[shoosh]

SDLSFDSFKS;LFJDKLG
FUCK YOU.

[shoosh]

WHAT'S YOUR BLOOD COLOR.

[caliginous]

Tell you what, Vantas.

[He spreads a huge, disgusting smirk, focusing the camera on his eightfold.]

I'll show you mine if you show me your's.

[shoosh]

I'M PRETTY SURE YOU JUST SAID YOU ALREADY KNEW.

[caliginous]

I do. That's not the point of the exercise. Jesus, if you were any less of a half-wit, you'd be licking the floor.

[shoosh]

YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO GET ME TO TURN THE FUCKING CAMERA ON AREN'T YOU.

[caliginous]

Cough it up, Vantas.

[He pulls one of his scythes out, which doesn't exactly look to be prototyped like Holmes, but is pretty much mirrored in shape.]

Besides, you can't hide from me forever. Tower don't work like that.

[shoosh]

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FASCINATION.
I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT RIGHT HERE, IN A PUBLIC GODDAMN PLACE WHEN THERE'S AN EMPRESS WANDERING THE FUCK AROUND.

[caliginous]

Because I want to know if you're the same asshole who I had to put up with before. Can't ever be too fucking sure in this piece of shit dimension.

[shoosh]

[ fine, he wins. the video is on and karkat is making a big show of rolling his eyes. ]

You are so needy.

[caliginous]

[Both of Karkat's eyes narrow in distaste to compliment the nose-wrinkle that occurs.]

Its not usually a problem. But I guess a deal's a deal.

[He picks up his hand and hesitates briefly before running it along the sharp edge of the blade, cringing like a baby and closing his hand to halt the bloodflow.

Its not really difficult to see the cerulean leaking between his fingers.]

1/2

[shoosh]

[ why is this HAPPENiNG TO HIM. okay, it's one thing to meet another self that paradox space so thoughtfully shit out, but it's another thing altogether to realize that he's better than you and somehow still exactly the same and he CAN'T STAnD THIS SMUG DICKHOLE ]

[scalemate]

WOW!
1 C4N S33 TH1S YOU KNOW!
4ND STOP B31NG SUCH 4 J4CK4SS

[caliginous]

Excuse you, he started it.

[POUTING.]

[scalemate]

L14R
1 S4W TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG >:\

[caliginous]

He came on the network first. Nothing I said was a lie.

[scalemate]

WH4T3V3R!
YOU DONT H4V3 TO THROW H1S BLOOD COLOR 1N H1S F4C3 31TH3R >:\

[caliginous]

Fine, next time I'll let them cull his ass. Jesus fuck.

[scalemate]

J3GUS K4RK4T TH4T 1SNT WH4T 1 M34NT
1 M34NT TH4T YOU DONT H4V3 TO B3 SUCH 4 J3RK 4BOUT 1T

[caliginous]

Whatever.