00:01

[shoosh]

OKAY.
FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW HOW THESE GO. IN A STUNNING EXAMPLE OF WHAT SEEMS TO BE A CLEAR LACK OF INTELLIGENCE, I ACTUALLY READ THROUGH THIS INANE PIECE OF SHIT BEFORE I STARTED TYPING.
I DON’T NEED YOUR WITTY BANTER AND USELESS INFORMATION SO KNOCK IT OFF IN ADVANCE.
THE REASON WHY I’M BOTHERING WITH THIS FESTERING COLLECTION OF HIGHLY DISTASTEFUL HISTRIONICS AT ALL IS FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY:
I’M GOING TO TEACH ALL YOU BLATHERING NUTJOBS ABOUT THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM`.
THIS IS A HIGHLY CHERISHED SYSTEM AND I DIDN’T MAKE IT UP THIS SECOND, SHUT YOUR PUZZLE TRAP AND FUCK OFF.
BY FUCK OFF I MEAN SIT DOWN AND LISTEN BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT AND HIGHLY RELEVANT WHEN YOU'RE GOING AROUND SNATCHING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR UNIVERSES WHEN THEY'VE GOT IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.
`DESTROYED` ISN'T SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENS TO ENTIRE UNIVERSES, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM` IS A ONE TO TEN SCALE OF HOW OKAY YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION.
THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH INFORMATION ALREADY, BUT I KNOW THAT A VAST MAJORITY OF YOU ARE HAPLESS, BRAINLESS, FLESHY PINK HUMAN MEATBAGS, SO I’LL ELABORATE.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
THE SCALE IS SIMPLE ENOUGH, WHERE YOU GAUGE HOW `OKAY` YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION USING ONE DIGIT NUMBERS, A CONCEPT THAT EVEN THE MOST INTELLIGENCE-CHALLENGED INDIVIDUAL CAN UNDERSTAND.
ONE IS THE LOWEST END OF THE SCALE, TEN IS THE HIGHEST.
THAT NEEDED CLARIFICATION.
AGAIN, YOU’RE WELCOME.
FOR EXAMPLE, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU NEANDERTHRASHING FUCKSPONGES WILL NEED ONE, I WILL RATE THE SITUATION I’M IN RIGHT NOW USING THE NOT OKAY SCALE.
THAT SITUATION BEING, OF COURSE, THAT I’VE BEEN MERCILESSLY RIPPED OUT OF MY UNIVERSE AND THEREFORE STRIPPED OF MY IMPORTANT LEADER DUTIES.
JUST IN CASE YOU’D FORGOTTEN.
RATING MYSELF ON A ONE TO TEN SCALE, WITH ONE BEING DELIGHTFULLY CONTENT LIKE A BUCKTOOTHED IDIOT DANCING NAKED IN THE RAIN AND TEN BEING PSYCHO JUGGALO ASSHOLE SUDDENLY GETTING A WICKED THIRST FOR THE KILLS
I WOULD BE AROUND A 6.
MIDWAY UP THE SCALE, DECIDEDLY NOT OKAY BUT NOT BEING AN OBNOXIOUS BULGEREEK ABOUT IT.
HAD I NOT HAD THE MENTAL CAPACITY, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU DON’T, TO FLIP THROUGH THIS BOOK FIRST, I WOULD BE TWELVE OR THIRTEEN ON THE SCALE.
IT’S MY SCALE I CAN GO HIGHER THAN THE LIMIT IF I WANT TO, FUCK OFF.
THIRTEEN WOULD BE PEELING OFF ALL MY SKIN, FILING DOWN MY HORNS AND GOING ON A BLEARY AND CONFUSED MURDER SPREE.
I WAS FEELING MAGNANIMOUS WITH MY BRAIN POWER AND SAVED YOU ALL THE TROUBLE OF DEALING WITH THAT.
THIS MEMO HAS ALMOST REACHED ITS CONCLUSION, BUT BEFORE I LEAVE YOU DUMBFUCKS BACK TO YOUR IGNORANCE BUBBLES, I WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE CLARIFIED:
THIS IS NOT ME BEING OBNOXIOUS AND TELLING YOU HOW TO ACCURATELY GAUGE YOUR LIFE WITH MY SPARKLING PERSONALITY AND ENDLESS INTELLECT
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MEMO CONTAINING A PRICELESS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE INANE AND THE IDIOTIC.
(THAT’S YOU.)

Comments

[caliginous]

WOW.
FUCKING REALLY?
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ANYWHERE BUT HERE.
CAN YOU GO FUCK OFF BACK TO THE SNOWY LAND IN THE CLOTHING BLOCK?
WE WERE DOING FINE WITHOUT YOU.

[scalemate]

>:\

[shoosh]

I GUESS YOU MISSED THE PART WHERE NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION.
I'LL LET IT SLIDE THIS TIME, BECAUSE I KNOW SOME PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE WITH CERTAIN THINGS LIKE NOT BEING PATHETIC AND DUMB.

[scalemate]

OH MY GOD K4RK4T SHUT UP!
YOU DONT R3M3MB3R 4NYTH1NG >:?

[shoosh]

THE SEER STRIKES AGAIN WITH HER OODLES OF COMPREHENSION AND PERCEPTION!
OF COURSE I REMEMBER EVERYTHING.
I JUST WATCHED MY BEST FRIEND EXPLODE INTO GRUBSAUCE, IT ISN'T THAT EASY TO FORGET.

[tortileghostwriter]

a most masterful memorandum of unmatched merit to be sure

and what cadence it carries itself with to boot

behold the rage
behold the quantification

behold the general inanity and unbridled whinging and feelings of self-importance

i cannot contain my applause
it must be expressed properly

[and he turns on the video feed, too. have some ironic overwrought enthusiastic clapping and a completely flat expression.]

[shoosh]

THANK YOU.

[ it must be hard to be so good at sarcasm and have it completely go over someone's head. ]

[selenic]

I don't really think being here strips you of your title or abilities...

And I know you're upset, but there's no need to be so rude!

[shoosh]

I CAN FEEL HOWEVER I WANT.
RIGHT NOW I FEEL THE NEED TO TELL YOU TO SHUT UP.

[chronomancer]

oh gog
this is wworse than my memos
howw do you evven manage that

[shoosh]

FUCK OFF YOU SCUMSUCKING BOTTOMFEEDER I ALREADY TOLD YOU I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE.

[benigncancer]

WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?
I THINK WE ALREADY KNEW HOW NOT OKAY THIS WAS.
AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED ON THE EPIC DISASTROUSNESS THAT ARE THE EXPERIMENTS AND STRANGE EVENTS.
IN OTHER WORDS.
WHAT THE FUCK, DID YOU GET DROPPED ON YOUR HEAD OR SOMETHING?
OR DID YOU JUST GET HERE AND I'M MAKING AN IDIOT OF MYSELF, AS USUAL?

[shoosh]

IF YOU'RE ANOTHER KARKAT I'M JUMPING OFF THE TOWER.

[mamadonna]

Really, I Hardly Think It's So Necessary To Convey The Message In So Insulting A Manner.
I Recognize That This Is, By All Means, Not A Pleasant Experience In Which To Be Entangled, But You May Consider That No Recipient Of Your Message Is Involved In Any Less Stressful A Circumstance, Nor Have They Made Any Action To Cause You Such A Grievance.
It Would Serve You To Be More Considerate Of Your Audience In The Future.

[shoosh]

KANAYA, FINALLY.
I WAS GETTING SICK OF TALKING TO THE INANE AND INSANE.

[verymuchalive]

heehee
welcome back karkat

[shoosh]

HEY.
WHAT DID I MISS.
YOU'RE NOT DOING THAT SPOOKY ROBOT THING AGAIN SO I GUESS YOU'RE NOT A SPOOKY ROBOT STILL.
WHICH IS GOOD, I HATED THAT THING.

[ceruleanspid8r]

I can't decide what's worse, that you manage to use so many words to say so little or that you appear to 8e implying that you have grey 8lood while using a lot of words to say so little.

[shoosh]

FONT COLOR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BLOOD FUCKSTICK.
I THOUGHT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC WAS COMMON KNOWLEDGE ANYWAY.
"THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC" BEING THE STATE OF MY VEINS WHICH WAS ACTUALLY NEVER ANY OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[orphans]

And noww, a memo for you:
"Destroyed" is indeed wwhat has happened to entire univverses, wwhether you're okay wwith it or not.

[shoosh]

HOOFBEASTSHIT.
UNIVERSES DON'T JUST DISAPPEAR INTO OBLIVION WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A MASSIVE EXPLOSION IN CELEBRATION.
I WAS IN THE CENTER OF TWO, THEY CAN'T BOTH BE GONE.

[lethechained]

[... She was wondering where he went. Still, the way he's acting like it's his first time in the tower is kind of unsettling. Maybe he's another alternate universe one? That's a nicer thought than that maybe his memories were tampered with. ... Well, there's one way to find out.]

Welcome back.

[shoosh]

BEFORE YOU LAUNCH INTO A LONG AND POINTLESS CONVERSATION ABOUT NOBODY FUCKING CARES WHAT IT'S MY JOB TO INFORM YOU I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT ANYONE AND I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

[thekidsare0kay]

oh hey, you're back, ii gue22 ii can 2top lookiing.
and wiith no memoriie2, ii'm gue22iing from the flavour of thii2 partiicular rant.
ha2 everyone fiilled your thiink2ponge wiith all the boriing iinformatiion and have you gotten all the amazement and confu2iion out of your 2y2tem yet?

[shoosh]

[ oh no DEad BEST FRIEND FEELiNGS ]

... YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT, YOU KNOW THAT?

[gloomyapoplectic]

[OH HE'S BACK but that...um...]

Considering You Dont Seem To Be Aware Of The Fact That You Were In This Tower Previously I Suppose Reintroductions Are In Order
Hello Karkat
I Am A Kanaya Different From The One You Are Acquainted With
But That Is Nonetheless The Name I Am Known By
It Is A Pleasure To Meet You Again

[shoosh]

YES, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
NOT PERSONALLY BUT I KNOW OF YOU FROM CERTAIN DOUCHEBAGS WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED.