00:01

[shoosh]

OKAY.
FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW HOW THESE GO. IN A STUNNING EXAMPLE OF WHAT SEEMS TO BE A CLEAR LACK OF INTELLIGENCE, I ACTUALLY READ THROUGH THIS INANE PIECE OF SHIT BEFORE I STARTED TYPING.
I DON’T NEED YOUR WITTY BANTER AND USELESS INFORMATION SO KNOCK IT OFF IN ADVANCE.
THE REASON WHY I’M BOTHERING WITH THIS FESTERING COLLECTION OF HIGHLY DISTASTEFUL HISTRIONICS AT ALL IS FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY:
I’M GOING TO TEACH ALL YOU BLATHERING NUTJOBS ABOUT THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM`.
THIS IS A HIGHLY CHERISHED SYSTEM AND I DIDN’T MAKE IT UP THIS SECOND, SHUT YOUR PUZZLE TRAP AND FUCK OFF.
BY FUCK OFF I MEAN SIT DOWN AND LISTEN BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT AND HIGHLY RELEVANT WHEN YOU'RE GOING AROUND SNATCHING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR UNIVERSES WHEN THEY'VE GOT IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.
`DESTROYED` ISN'T SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENS TO ENTIRE UNIVERSES, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM` IS A ONE TO TEN SCALE OF HOW OKAY YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION.
THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH INFORMATION ALREADY, BUT I KNOW THAT A VAST MAJORITY OF YOU ARE HAPLESS, BRAINLESS, FLESHY PINK HUMAN MEATBAGS, SO I’LL ELABORATE.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
THE SCALE IS SIMPLE ENOUGH, WHERE YOU GAUGE HOW `OKAY` YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION USING ONE DIGIT NUMBERS, A CONCEPT THAT EVEN THE MOST INTELLIGENCE-CHALLENGED INDIVIDUAL CAN UNDERSTAND.
ONE IS THE LOWEST END OF THE SCALE, TEN IS THE HIGHEST.
THAT NEEDED CLARIFICATION.
AGAIN, YOU’RE WELCOME.
FOR EXAMPLE, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU NEANDERTHRASHING FUCKSPONGES WILL NEED ONE, I WILL RATE THE SITUATION I’M IN RIGHT NOW USING THE NOT OKAY SCALE.
THAT SITUATION BEING, OF COURSE, THAT I’VE BEEN MERCILESSLY RIPPED OUT OF MY UNIVERSE AND THEREFORE STRIPPED OF MY IMPORTANT LEADER DUTIES.
JUST IN CASE YOU’D FORGOTTEN.
RATING MYSELF ON A ONE TO TEN SCALE, WITH ONE BEING DELIGHTFULLY CONTENT LIKE A BUCKTOOTHED IDIOT DANCING NAKED IN THE RAIN AND TEN BEING PSYCHO JUGGALO ASSHOLE SUDDENLY GETTING A WICKED THIRST FOR THE KILLS
I WOULD BE AROUND A 6.
MIDWAY UP THE SCALE, DECIDEDLY NOT OKAY BUT NOT BEING AN OBNOXIOUS BULGEREEK ABOUT IT.
HAD I NOT HAD THE MENTAL CAPACITY, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU DON’T, TO FLIP THROUGH THIS BOOK FIRST, I WOULD BE TWELVE OR THIRTEEN ON THE SCALE.
IT’S MY SCALE I CAN GO HIGHER THAN THE LIMIT IF I WANT TO, FUCK OFF.
THIRTEEN WOULD BE PEELING OFF ALL MY SKIN, FILING DOWN MY HORNS AND GOING ON A BLEARY AND CONFUSED MURDER SPREE.
I WAS FEELING MAGNANIMOUS WITH MY BRAIN POWER AND SAVED YOU ALL THE TROUBLE OF DEALING WITH THAT.
THIS MEMO HAS ALMOST REACHED ITS CONCLUSION, BUT BEFORE I LEAVE YOU DUMBFUCKS BACK TO YOUR IGNORANCE BUBBLES, I WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE CLARIFIED:
THIS IS NOT ME BEING OBNOXIOUS AND TELLING YOU HOW TO ACCURATELY GAUGE YOUR LIFE WITH MY SPARKLING PERSONALITY AND ENDLESS INTELLECT
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MEMO CONTAINING A PRICELESS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE INANE AND THE IDIOTIC.
(THAT’S YOU.)

Comments

[shoosh]

I WAS ASKING YOU WHAT YOU MEANT YOU FLAILING LOBE STEM.
OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN, THEY'RE MY NIGHTMARES.

[chronomancer]

...wwait
you do Havve nightmares about kar?

[shoosh]

OH NO, LOOK AT THIS SUBTLE SUBJECT CHANGE COMING UP OVER THE HORIZON!
WATCH OUT, IT'S ALMOST HERE!
OH NOOOO, HERE IS COMES!
DONE.
SUBJECT CHANGED.
TRY AGAIN ASSHOLE.

[chronomancer]

heh
alright alright
i can take a hint

[shoosh]

COULD HAVE FOOLED ME.

[chronomancer]

sorry about that kar

[shoosh]

THANKS.
YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.

[chronomancer]

sorry its okay though
i dont mind

[shoosh]

STOP APOLOGIZING.

[chronomancer]

sorry!



...
okay
i wwill
stop noww
promise

[shoosh]

IT'S WEIRD.

[chronomancer]

wwhat
wwhy

[shoosh]

MY ERIDAN IS... DIFFERENT.
A LOT DIFFERENT.

[chronomancer]

oh
yeah
so ivve heard
sols kismesis right

[shoosh]

FUCK NO.
THAT'S DISGUSTING, DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT.

[chronomancer]

but sol said
nevvermind
its probably another eridan then
so
wwhats he like?

[shoosh]

HE KILLED TWO OF MY FRIENDS, BLINDED ANOTHER AND THEN INSISTED THAT I WAS HITTING ON HIM WHEN I TOLD HIM I WANTED HIM DEAD.
IS SOLLUX HERE?
THE LISPING ASSHOLE ONE NOT SOME OTHER ARBITRARY COLOR MIXUP PULLED OUT OF SOMEONE'S EXCREMENT CHUTE.

[chronomancer]

...oh

[A W K W A R D]

ah
yeah he is
i think
but
hes the one wwho said he wwas eridans kismesis so i dont knoww
theres another eridan around but i dont knoww if hes the one you knoww
i havvent met him

[shoosh]

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.
HE CAN'T BE THAT DERANGED.
IT'S PROBABLY SOME OTHER ERIDAN.

[chronomancer]

like i said
theres another one around

[shoosh]

YEAH.
I AM SO VERY EXCITED.

[chronomancer]

sorry
at least he doesnt sound that bad?
from wwhat ivve heard?
people like him

[shoosh]

AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T GO MURDERHAPPY WE'LL PROBABLY GET ALONG FINE.

[chronomancer]

hes been here a wwhile apparently
so maybe
he wwont

[shoosh]

YEAH, WE'LL SEE.