00:01

[shoosh]

OKAY.
FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW HOW THESE GO. IN A STUNNING EXAMPLE OF WHAT SEEMS TO BE A CLEAR LACK OF INTELLIGENCE, I ACTUALLY READ THROUGH THIS INANE PIECE OF SHIT BEFORE I STARTED TYPING.
I DON’T NEED YOUR WITTY BANTER AND USELESS INFORMATION SO KNOCK IT OFF IN ADVANCE.
THE REASON WHY I’M BOTHERING WITH THIS FESTERING COLLECTION OF HIGHLY DISTASTEFUL HISTRIONICS AT ALL IS FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY:
I’M GOING TO TEACH ALL YOU BLATHERING NUTJOBS ABOUT THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM`.
THIS IS A HIGHLY CHERISHED SYSTEM AND I DIDN’T MAKE IT UP THIS SECOND, SHUT YOUR PUZZLE TRAP AND FUCK OFF.
BY FUCK OFF I MEAN SIT DOWN AND LISTEN BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT AND HIGHLY RELEVANT WHEN YOU'RE GOING AROUND SNATCHING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR UNIVERSES WHEN THEY'VE GOT IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.
`DESTROYED` ISN'T SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENS TO ENTIRE UNIVERSES, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM` IS A ONE TO TEN SCALE OF HOW OKAY YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION.
THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH INFORMATION ALREADY, BUT I KNOW THAT A VAST MAJORITY OF YOU ARE HAPLESS, BRAINLESS, FLESHY PINK HUMAN MEATBAGS, SO I’LL ELABORATE.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
THE SCALE IS SIMPLE ENOUGH, WHERE YOU GAUGE HOW `OKAY` YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION USING ONE DIGIT NUMBERS, A CONCEPT THAT EVEN THE MOST INTELLIGENCE-CHALLENGED INDIVIDUAL CAN UNDERSTAND.
ONE IS THE LOWEST END OF THE SCALE, TEN IS THE HIGHEST.
THAT NEEDED CLARIFICATION.
AGAIN, YOU’RE WELCOME.
FOR EXAMPLE, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU NEANDERTHRASHING FUCKSPONGES WILL NEED ONE, I WILL RATE THE SITUATION I’M IN RIGHT NOW USING THE NOT OKAY SCALE.
THAT SITUATION BEING, OF COURSE, THAT I’VE BEEN MERCILESSLY RIPPED OUT OF MY UNIVERSE AND THEREFORE STRIPPED OF MY IMPORTANT LEADER DUTIES.
JUST IN CASE YOU’D FORGOTTEN.
RATING MYSELF ON A ONE TO TEN SCALE, WITH ONE BEING DELIGHTFULLY CONTENT LIKE A BUCKTOOTHED IDIOT DANCING NAKED IN THE RAIN AND TEN BEING PSYCHO JUGGALO ASSHOLE SUDDENLY GETTING A WICKED THIRST FOR THE KILLS
I WOULD BE AROUND A 6.
MIDWAY UP THE SCALE, DECIDEDLY NOT OKAY BUT NOT BEING AN OBNOXIOUS BULGEREEK ABOUT IT.
HAD I NOT HAD THE MENTAL CAPACITY, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU DON’T, TO FLIP THROUGH THIS BOOK FIRST, I WOULD BE TWELVE OR THIRTEEN ON THE SCALE.
IT’S MY SCALE I CAN GO HIGHER THAN THE LIMIT IF I WANT TO, FUCK OFF.
THIRTEEN WOULD BE PEELING OFF ALL MY SKIN, FILING DOWN MY HORNS AND GOING ON A BLEARY AND CONFUSED MURDER SPREE.
I WAS FEELING MAGNANIMOUS WITH MY BRAIN POWER AND SAVED YOU ALL THE TROUBLE OF DEALING WITH THAT.
THIS MEMO HAS ALMOST REACHED ITS CONCLUSION, BUT BEFORE I LEAVE YOU DUMBFUCKS BACK TO YOUR IGNORANCE BUBBLES, I WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE CLARIFIED:
THIS IS NOT ME BEING OBNOXIOUS AND TELLING YOU HOW TO ACCURATELY GAUGE YOUR LIFE WITH MY SPARKLING PERSONALITY AND ENDLESS INTELLECT
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MEMO CONTAINING A PRICELESS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE INANE AND THE IDIOTIC.
(THAT’S YOU.)

Comments

[shoosh]

OH.
YOU'RE HER ANCESTOR AREN'T YOU.

[mamadonna]

Well, I Don't Suppose I Could Consider That Likely!
I've Hardly Made Any Action Through Which To Continue My Bloodline In A Genealogical Manner.

[shoosh]

AREN'T YOU RELATED TO THE MOTHER GRUB?
I THOUGHT ALL JADEBLOODS WERE.
KANAYA WAS A JADEBLOOD TOO.
IS.
IS A JADEBLOOD.
UNLESS YOU'RE JUST TYPING LIKE THAT FOR SHITS AND CHUCKLES.

[mamadonna]

Well, We Are No More Related To The Mother Grub Biologically Than Any Other Troll, Which Is To Say That We Are Inherently Resultant From Herself.
But As That Is True Of Every Troll, This Does Not Imply Any Degree Of Favored Relation Or The Continuance Of One's Line By The Very Nature Of That Bond.
But The Unique Connection Between Jadeblood And Mother Grub Is A More Personal Matter.
They Are Our Masters, As We Likewise Are Theirs.
We Exist For The Sole Purpose Of Ensuring Their Care And Comfort, Acting As Facilitators In Their Sole Purpose Of Multiplying Trollkind.
One Would Hardly Exist In Absence Of The Other.

[ Because it isn't like the whole caste was wiped out of existence while she was in slavery or anything. ]

[shoosh]

[ yeah guess who stopped listening. ]

SO WHO DOES THAT MAKE YOU.

[mamadonna]

[ Hahaha, that was way ramblier than I realized. ]

Well, Myself, Quite Obviously.
But If It's Nomenclature You're Inquiring After, I Am The Dolorosa.
Perhaps You Will Do Me The Honor Of Completing A Proper Exchange For This Knowledge.

[shoosh]

[ in your defense you were really tired ]

KARKAT VANTAS.
I'M KIND OF A BIG DEAL.

[mamadonna]

I Imagine You Must Be, If The Volume With Which You Type Can Be Taken As Any Indication.
A Pleasure To Make Your Acquaintance, Karkat.

[shoosh]

TYPING DOESN'T HAVE A VOLUME.

[mamadonna]

Yes, Well, Perhaps.
Not Directly, Of Course.
But Then, At The Same Time, I Cannot Help But Feel It Can Communicate One, Imply It Within The Narrow Spaces Between Each Big, Bold Letter.

[shoosh]

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE HITTING ON MY TYPING QUIRK.

[mamadonna]

[ what ]

I Beg Your Pardon?
Such A Practice Was Certainly Not Intended, I Apologize If I Have Achieved Some Misstep!

[shoosh]

APOLOGY ACCEPTED, I'LL LET IT SLIDE THIS TIME.

[mamadonna]

That's Very Deeply Gracious Of You, I'm Sure.
Will You Require Any Assistance In Becoming Better Acquainted With The Tower's Layout?

[shoosh]

PROBABLY.
I HAVEN'T EXACTLY BEEN EXPLORING OR ANYTHING.

[mamadonna]

I Could Attempt To Provide It, Should It Be Acceptable That I Do So.

[shoosh]

YOU WOULD WILLINGLY SUBJECT YOURSELF TO ME FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME SO I CAN GET MY BEARINGS?

[mamadonna]

Potentially.
You Do Communicate The Impression Of Requiring A Rational Influence.

[ Which she likes to think she is. Sometimes justifiably, not always. ]

[shoosh]

OH HA HA HA.
MY LOBE STEM CAN'T HANDLE ALL THESE SICK BURNS.
I COULD USE A TOUR THOUGH.

[mamadonna]

Excellent.
When Would You Prefer This Be Accomplished?

[shoosh]

I DON'T KNOW.
LATER I GUESS.
IT ISN'T LIKE I HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER THINGS THAT NEED MY IMMEDIATE PRESENCE OR ANYTHING.

[mamadonna]

I Will Be Certain To Maintain A Fair Amount Of Availability For You, Then.
When You Are Prepared, Simply Convey The Desire To Accomplish This Maneuver And I Will Be Sure To Assist You In Fulfilling It.
My Residence Is Within The Respiteblock Designated 1-01, For Your Reference.

[shoosh]

1-01, ALRIGHT.
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.


SO IS THE 'THE' A PART OF YOUR TITLE BECAUSE THAT JUST SOUNDS GRUBFUCK RETARDED.
ON A SCALE OF 1 TO HUMAN WILL SMITH HOW OFFENSIVE IS IT TO CUT THAT OUT.
DOLOROSA??
THAT CAN'T GET ME CULLED RIGHT.

[mamadonna]

Certainly Not Culled, No.
It May Be Outside My Preference, But As Many Find The Full Phrasing Somewhat Awkward To Fully Utilize, The Shortening Can Be Considered Acceptable.
Anything Further Truncated May Be Met With Complaint.