00:01

[shoosh]

OKAY.
FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW HOW THESE GO. IN A STUNNING EXAMPLE OF WHAT SEEMS TO BE A CLEAR LACK OF INTELLIGENCE, I ACTUALLY READ THROUGH THIS INANE PIECE OF SHIT BEFORE I STARTED TYPING.
I DON’T NEED YOUR WITTY BANTER AND USELESS INFORMATION SO KNOCK IT OFF IN ADVANCE.
THE REASON WHY I’M BOTHERING WITH THIS FESTERING COLLECTION OF HIGHLY DISTASTEFUL HISTRIONICS AT ALL IS FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY:
I’M GOING TO TEACH ALL YOU BLATHERING NUTJOBS ABOUT THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM`.
THIS IS A HIGHLY CHERISHED SYSTEM AND I DIDN’T MAKE IT UP THIS SECOND, SHUT YOUR PUZZLE TRAP AND FUCK OFF.
BY FUCK OFF I MEAN SIT DOWN AND LISTEN BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT AND HIGHLY RELEVANT WHEN YOU'RE GOING AROUND SNATCHING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR UNIVERSES WHEN THEY'VE GOT IMPORTANT SHIT TO DO.
`DESTROYED` ISN'T SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENS TO ENTIRE UNIVERSES, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
THE `NOT OKAY SYSTEM` IS A ONE TO TEN SCALE OF HOW OKAY YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION.
THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH INFORMATION ALREADY, BUT I KNOW THAT A VAST MAJORITY OF YOU ARE HAPLESS, BRAINLESS, FLESHY PINK HUMAN MEATBAGS, SO I’LL ELABORATE.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
THE SCALE IS SIMPLE ENOUGH, WHERE YOU GAUGE HOW `OKAY` YOU ARE WITH A CERTAIN SITUATION USING ONE DIGIT NUMBERS, A CONCEPT THAT EVEN THE MOST INTELLIGENCE-CHALLENGED INDIVIDUAL CAN UNDERSTAND.
ONE IS THE LOWEST END OF THE SCALE, TEN IS THE HIGHEST.
THAT NEEDED CLARIFICATION.
AGAIN, YOU’RE WELCOME.
FOR EXAMPLE, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU NEANDERTHRASHING FUCKSPONGES WILL NEED ONE, I WILL RATE THE SITUATION I’M IN RIGHT NOW USING THE NOT OKAY SCALE.
THAT SITUATION BEING, OF COURSE, THAT I’VE BEEN MERCILESSLY RIPPED OUT OF MY UNIVERSE AND THEREFORE STRIPPED OF MY IMPORTANT LEADER DUTIES.
JUST IN CASE YOU’D FORGOTTEN.
RATING MYSELF ON A ONE TO TEN SCALE, WITH ONE BEING DELIGHTFULLY CONTENT LIKE A BUCKTOOTHED IDIOT DANCING NAKED IN THE RAIN AND TEN BEING PSYCHO JUGGALO ASSHOLE SUDDENLY GETTING A WICKED THIRST FOR THE KILLS
I WOULD BE AROUND A 6.
MIDWAY UP THE SCALE, DECIDEDLY NOT OKAY BUT NOT BEING AN OBNOXIOUS BULGEREEK ABOUT IT.
HAD I NOT HAD THE MENTAL CAPACITY, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU DON’T, TO FLIP THROUGH THIS BOOK FIRST, I WOULD BE TWELVE OR THIRTEEN ON THE SCALE.
IT’S MY SCALE I CAN GO HIGHER THAN THE LIMIT IF I WANT TO, FUCK OFF.
THIRTEEN WOULD BE PEELING OFF ALL MY SKIN, FILING DOWN MY HORNS AND GOING ON A BLEARY AND CONFUSED MURDER SPREE.
I WAS FEELING MAGNANIMOUS WITH MY BRAIN POWER AND SAVED YOU ALL THE TROUBLE OF DEALING WITH THAT.
THIS MEMO HAS ALMOST REACHED ITS CONCLUSION, BUT BEFORE I LEAVE YOU DUMBFUCKS BACK TO YOUR IGNORANCE BUBBLES, I WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE CLARIFIED:
THIS IS NOT ME BEING OBNOXIOUS AND TELLING YOU HOW TO ACCURATELY GAUGE YOUR LIFE WITH MY SPARKLING PERSONALITY AND ENDLESS INTELLECT
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MEMO CONTAINING A PRICELESS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE INANE AND THE IDIOTIC.
(THAT’S YOU.)

Comments

[shoosh]

[ slowly... nods... ]

... Were they a thing?

[scalemate]

[She actually manages to keep herself from making a face as she nods.]

Kind of, I guess.

[shoosh]

[ he isn't as good at keeping his face straight as she is. first the stupid dick's got all the information, then he's got all the blood now he has the girl too. ]

I don't like him.

[scalemate]

[Now she's just frowning.]

[shoosh]

[ shrugs!!!!!!!! like she didn't expect that come on he hates himself. ]

[scalemate]

[SIIIGH OKAY. She stops, turning to face him.]

If I tell you something do you promise not to freak out?

[shoosh]

[ he doesn't like where this is going. ]

No.

[scalemate]

[Dead-eyeing!!!!]

[shoosh]

Fine, fine. My shit will remain here, conveniently unflipped. Look how unflipped that shit it. Might as well be made of tempered steel.

[scalemate]

Good!

[UGHHHH SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.]

[shoosh]

[ makes the hurry up motion with his hands. ]

[scalemate]

[She makes a face at him, tightening her grip on his hand subconsciously.]

Karkat and I are matesprits.

[shoosh]

... What?

[scalemate]

[She shifts awkwardly. She is so not looking forward to the rest of his reaction.]

[shoosh]

[ it feels like a case of emotional whiplash and he considers throwing up all over the floor just to make it stop. only he can't, it doesn't and as much as he wants to tell himself she's joking, he can clearly see it in her face that she is dead serious.

he takes his hand back, not like a jerk or a flinch but slowly like he's tracing the shape of her palm. and he hates himself for it, because he wants to be angry. let him hurt her, he doesn't give a shit! only he does and it sickens him. ]

Since when?

[scalemate]

[That look on his face is breaking her heart already, and she clenches her jaw as he lets her hand drop. Her voice is much softer than it should be.]

A few days ago.

[shoosh]

[ a few days. he missed her by a few fucking days. if that isn't a knife to the stomach nothing is. and now she's treating him like glass and he hates it. hates her, hates himself and hates bluekat for being such a suave tool. he can see them now getting all highblooded and cozy together. nausea. he feels dizzy. ]

Why?

[scalemate]

[She feels herself getting defensive already, and she crosses her arms, taking a step back.]

What do you mean, why?

[shoosh]

[ he has to forgo exaggerated hand gestures to press one to his head. if he lets go he's pretty sure it'll fall apart. ]

I thought we were — [ something. they were... something. ]

[scalemate]

[They were definitely something, but now she's getting angry, too.]

You barely even talked to me as soon as we ran away to the Veil, and I can't remember the last time I saw you here. What did you want me to do, wait around for another seven months?

[shoosh]

I kissed y— [ no, he can't use that against her. it's not her fault she doesn't remember. guilty backpedaling he won't talk about it. ] That wasn't even me, I can't remember this place.

[scalemate]

[She blinks, recoiling slightly.]

You did what?

[shoosh]

It doesn't matter! Out of everybody you could have picked, why him?

[scalemate]

[She scowls.]

It's not like I "picked him" just to spite you, stupid! Stop being so selfish!

[shoosh]

How is that selfish at all!