[004 ★ text]

[guiltapalooza]

You know what, I am so sick of this. Completely sick of this!! And look at me, repeating myself and using multiple exclamation points (two!) like a rebel. Because I am a rebel!

I'm tired of all these embarrassing personal incidents. When they aren't embarrassing, they're deeply horrifying and disturbing. I just want regular old test taking anxiety again! I want worrying about whether Anya is going to ask Giles if he has a new orgasm friend yet in public! And all that demon stuff, even that was familiar.

But here it's like, oh, here's that troll kid I'm friends with and he got his arm torn off. Here's me turning myself into a troll and going creepy stalker over Aradia. (Which by the way, oh Goddess am I sorry for and eternally mortified about.) Or here's me picking up the bloody scraps of the clothes of the double of someone I'm friends with!

And don't tell me I'm using too many of's there, I told you I'm a rebel today! I just want my test taking anxiety back, darn it. I'd even take worrying over when I'm going back to college, and that was a lot of worrying.

... Okay, whining done. End whining. In other news, who's still having wacky collar-induced sickness and power-tampering shenanigans? Cause frankly I'm finding this really worrying and I want to get to the bottom of this.

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[windykind]

...

You turned into a troll?

[Sorry, he's just going to... ignore the rest of the aspects of this post for now. Because hello, SHE TURNED INTO A TROLL.]

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[guiltapalooza]

[So glum as she answers.]

Worse, I turned myself into a troll. I ate some chocolate that turned me into a psycho stalker, and... and I'd really rather not talk about it.

[windykind]

Oh, the chocolates. [John frowns too, remembering those times in the Tower.] I'm sorry. I mean, I didn't touch them because they probably had nuts in them, but....

[guiltapalooza]

No, it wasn't really that bad, just uh. Super duper embarrassing?

[A sheepish look.] I feel like I shouldn't be complaining about it with all the stuff everyone else has going on. I was just freaked that I wouldn't be able to turn myself back, once it wore off.

[windykind]

No, I totally understand! Worrying about not turning back would be totally reasonable I think. I mean, really, who would want to be a troll for the rest of their lives?

[guiltapalooza]

Yeah, I have plenty of friends who are trolls and I like them just fine, but that doesn't mean I want to be one.

I've already seen one version of myself that was an aggressive dominatrix-- I didn't really need to experience another.

[windykind]

Oh, wow... yeah, I'd be pretty sick of them after that. Was she in the tower?

[guiltapalooza]

No, that happened back in high school. A vampire me came from a different dimension, and... [Paauuuse.] You know what, this story is actually not all that PG-13, so I think I'll just stop there. Only awkward lies ahead.

[windykind]

...Yeah, that sounds like the sort of thing you wouldn't want to say over the network.

[John has no concept of PG-13. His life is basically the Internet; he can stomach rated M movies easily by this point.]

[guiltapalooza]

It's not that, I just... don't really want to dwell on it. I was a pretty different person in high school, for one thing. Vampire versions of me aside.

[windykind]

Oh, I get it. [John nods; it's admittedly a bit unusual for him to see these sides of people, especially Willow, but if you don't want to talk about it then you don't want to talk about it.] ...So, how was your day in trolldom or however long it was?

[guiltapalooza]

It was a day, and it was pretty weird, even without the psycho-ness. [She brightens up a bit, considering this academically now.]

Did you know that their center of gravity's all different? And I kept forgetting about my fangs and biting my lip and getting blood in my mouth. Oh, and the whole more assertive and violent thing, totally true. I didn't hurt anyone, but there were a whole lot more speculative thoughts about it than I usually have, let me tell you.

[windykind]

No I didn't! I guess I just always assumed they were the same as humans. Just with, you know, gray skin and horns and stuff. [John shrugged, and abruptly broke into a smile.] You know what I still can't get over? They're like humans but more angry and type in stupid colors and fonts... and they're called trolls. [He giggles.] That's great.

[guiltapalooza]

No, it really is funny. [She grins a little.] I mean, I've met a troll at home, not an alien troll but a... hairy, hulking, attacked-Xander-with-a-club troll. Kinda makes you wonder how the word got used for both of them.

They really aren't just funny-looking humans, though. And some things that look exactly like humans aren't human at all either.

[windykind]

Yeah, that's the kind of troll you'd expect it to be, right? But on the Internet, a 'troll' is a name for a person who basically comes in to stir things up. Which is exactly what these real trolls do! We called them trolls at first just because that's what they were doing...

...and then... they were actual... trolls.

[guiltapalooza]

... [She giggles a little into her hand.] Really? The internet wasn't that big yet when I left home. I must be a bit behind you timeline-wise.

That must've been a hoot to find out they were aliens, though. Big empire-having, somewhat fascist, four-kinds-of-romance, pile-building aliens.

[windykind]

It certainly was news! [And now he's outright laughing.] We learned the other stuff later, because they can talk to us at different times, apparently -- so we've known them for a long time, but they've only known us for a little while, you know?

[guiltapalooza]

That's pretty goofy. Actually, that all sounds pretty goofy. It sounds like it would be weirder for them than for you, to be honest-- they've had less time to adjust.

[windykind]

Yeah, it probably was. Karkat complained about that a lot to me. He never stopped about how he was really stupid for deciding to talk to me backwards in the timeline, and then I kept asking questions that he had answered before for him, which was my future, and... yeah, it's complicated. [John shakes his head.] I don't see why they can't just use it as a chat client like normal people! ...Trolls. Normal trolls.

[guiltapalooza]

Now I feel like I've lucked out on the ones I've met here. They don't seem to abnormal to me when we're just chatting, only when they start using phrases like incestuous slurry and ablution trap and so on.

... [She grins.] But did he really talk to you backwards in time? He was just setting himself up to be laughed at with that one.

[windykind]

I guess you're right. They probably could be a lot better now that they've been lowered down to the same level as us mere mortals! [Smile. But he has noticed that; he's seen a few trolls in his time here, and they've all been pretty okay.] Yeah, he really did. I mean, they... won the game and all... but I kind of get the feeling that their whole session kind of. Wasn't thought through. You know?

[guiltapalooza]

Well... no, I haven't heard too much about the game, because frankly I think I'd need a four-part primer on how it works and who did what and who was in what session in what timeline.

But I will absolutely take your word that theirs wasn't thought through. I bet it was all haphazard and, and discombobulated.

[windykind]

Oh, definitely. We could probably fill a couple of books with what happened. ...And I don't even know all of it! If you're curious I bet you could ask my friend Dave, he's the Time hero so he knows a lot more about it than I do.

[guiltapalooza]

That's okay, I'm happy finding it out as it comes up. It's like a fun surprise. What barmy things are they going to say next?

Your whole set of... of universes would make for a great sitcom, that's all I'm saying. Like Friends but with aliens and time travel and mass killing. ... So pretty much Doctor Who, I guess.

[windykind]

Doctor Who! I love Doctor Who. [John's one of those kids who's only seen the latest two Doctors, but you know what, whatever. He loves them Brits.]