♋ 007 || Text

[caliginous]

SURPRISE, ITS YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD ASSHOLE WITH A SHINY PIECE OF INFORM8TION.
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.
THAT MEANS YOU.
YES YOU.
ALL OF YOU.

I AM TIRED OF DYING.
SO TIRED I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO SIT HERE AND COME UP WITH A SUPER CONVOLUTED METAPHOR TO LET YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING TIRED I AM OF IT.
BUT SINCE I'M FORCED TO ENDURE IT TIME AND TIME AGAIN, I'M GONNA DO YOU ALL A BIG FUCKING FAVOR.
NO NEED TO THANK ME OR ANYTHING.
YOU CAN THANK ME BY FUCKING OFF TO THE ENCHANTED LAND THAT EXISTS IN CLOTHING STORAGE.
AND LEAVING ME ALONE.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT HAS TO DO WITH THAT HUGE BREECHBEAST THAT TORE THIS PLACE DOWN OR WHATEVER.
BUT I USUALLY GET AN HOUR OF THIS PARALYSIS SHIT WHENEVER SOMEONE GETS IT IN THEIR HEADS TO OFF ME.
WELL I GOT THE HOUR OF LAYING ON MY ASS DOING NOTHING.
BUT I WOKE UP A LITTLE BEFORE THAT?
DON'T ASK ME HOW, BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
SINCE I WAS DEAD AND EVERYTHING.
I DON'T REMEMBER A LOT, IT WASN'T FOR LONG, AND IT PROBABLY ISN'T EVEN RELEVANT, BUT I KNOW A FEW OF YOU LOSERS GET YOUR JOLLIES OUT OF TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF SHIT THAT HAPPENS AROUND HERE.
SO THERE YOU GO.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
ALLOW ME TO REMIND YOU OF THE "FUCKING OFF" CLAUSE THAT COMES WITH THIS INFORM8TION.

Comments

[chronomancer]

[He laughed then, and it was the heart and soul of misery.]

Of course I fucking knew, I was the first one she killed.

[He remembers, with the unnatural clarity he remembers anything pertaining Feferi, being approached by her on Derse. He'd been thinking about going back LOCAS and take the plunge into godtier. Talking to himself, past and present and future, trying to see what would happen if he did. And then she was there.]

We didn't want to. You keep talking about her like she wanted to. Like it didn't kill her inside to do it. Why do you think she never killed anyone while she was here? If she hated you all so much, if she was such a fucking monster, why do you think she never killed anyone here? It wasn't that you were supposed to be our friends. You were. We had no Time to do anything else, the only mercy she could deliver you was to do it herself, rather than let Jack do it. We had no time and we were Doomed and even if by some miracle he didn't kill us, the timeline was already dissolving. Someone had to do something, so we did.

[But he hadn't wanted to. He'd trusted Feferi, but he had always known what it had looked like. He'd known. He'd known and he'd felt guilty even as he'd done it. And the guilt had nestled itself deep into his mind, anchoring easily to his self-deprecating personality and his penchant to blame himself for things. Well, here was the big one, and it was definitely his fault. He'd killed every single one of them, by standing aside and letting Feferi go.]

Who should have I told, Karkat? Who would have listened? Who could I trust, when no one trusted me?

[And that's the cornerstone of hatred in him. That after all he's done, all he's given up, no one even trusted him to tell the truth. No one listened.]

If we had told you what had to be done, if we'd wasted time explaining, would you have listened? Or would you have just said Feferi was crazy and I was going on with it because I was still in love with her? Who of you had enough energy left to push the fear aside and act reasonably? Aradia and Sollux, maybe. Captor, if we were lucky. Aradia listened to me, when I told her about Nep's lusus. But Aradia hated Feferi too much to be impartial there. And Sollux and Captor? How much precious time would be wasted waiting for them to bicker into an agreement? And even if they did, would the rest have listened? Would you have trusted us?

[The answer, to him, is a solid no.]

Everything was falling apart. Everyone was scared and tired and confused. If we'd done nothing, we would have died and vanished into nothing. Insignificant, worthless blips in the fabric of space and time. So we took our chances.

[His claws have not stopped moving yet, tearing through the sleeves and into skin. And now there are welts of jade bleeding down his arms. The pain is insignificant compared to the disaster that's his mind. But it keeps his hands occupied. Keeps them hurting someone, while at the same time no one will care about. What's another wound in the great scale of things.]

Of course none of you give a fuck. And you shouldn't, either. I betrayed you. I paid for it, but I still did it. You were my friends and I betrayed you. You didn't deserve to die that way. I'm not a murderer? I murdered every single one of you. And then I murdered everything left in the entire fucking universe, just for good measure, when I Scratched the fucking thing. Hurting people who don't deserve it is the only thing I do.

[caliginous]

[When he sees jade, that's when he acts. He reaches up to snatch Eridan's wrists again, to keep him from clawing at himself, and if he continues to fight him, then he will force him still in other ways.]

Will you fucking stop with the self-depreciating bullshit? Stop being such a miserable shitstain for five seconds and listen to yourself. Do you even hear what you're saying? You are so off the deep end you're swimming at the bottom of the sea with Leijon herself. Slow your goddamn roll.

[Feferi again. Guess there was no avoiding that. Fine.]

There is nothing waiting for anyone. Nothing. The Scratch was it. That was the hard reset. Do you think we're all living in some happy paradise without you and her? We're not. I'm dead. That's the end. I don't know what Feferi thought she was doing, none of it made sense at the time and it still doesn't fucking make sense because all I saw was her killing me and everyone else. And you're going to sit there and tell me that she didn't want to, that it was what she had to do?!

Did you watch her kill me too? Did you see me trying to talk to Kanaya after it happened? Did you?!

[He's starting to get angry, because Feferi is probably one of the few betrayals he didn't see coming. She was always a little off, he knew that, but deep down she was a sweet-hearted girl. There was no reasoning with her when she came for him. The worst part was knowing that she would go for the others -- that she had already killed Terezi when she got to him.

His grip tightens.]

Do you know why we failed? Because you and Feferi were on your own mindless fucking crusades of greater purpose. That's why. Not because we asked you to, but because nobody fucking trusted anyone. We failed because we were never going to succeed. The Scratch was it. The end. And it was never going to be any other way.

[He was spitting it out as the realization came to him -- Eridan knew all of this already, because of his Dumb Time Shit, but he wasn't saying it for his benefit.]

I don't fucking care anymore, Eridan. We lost. But if you expected me to pat Feferi on the back and tell her "Hey! Thanks for skewering me like a trollkabob on 12 Perigee's Eve!" you're insane. Nothing came of it, except a miserable and slow death that nobody was ready for.

[That I wasn't ready for.]

Scratching was what we should've done in the first place, after those douchebags fucked up with Noir's prototyping. Not everything else that came before it. Everything else that came before it is why we're here now, and why you're bleeding like a wiggler all over my freshly pressed suit.

You know, you're an asshole, and not for the reasons you think you are. Stop telling people how they feel about you. That's my fucking job, and you're doing it wrong. Hurting people who don't deserve it is the only thing you do? Then why the fuck are you clawing at yourself? Stop.

[chronomancer]

[He starts shaking the moment Karkat grabs his wrists. He needs to worry something. Rent and tear and undo. Something. Anything. He's listening and he's not, at the same time. He wants to, but now he doesn't have anything to distract the restlessness and soon enough he's shaking with the repressed urge to hurt someone. To just fucking lash out and not care who got caught in the fray.]

I know.

[I know, I know, I know, IknowIknowIknowIknowIknowIknowIknowIknowIknow. Knowing didn't make it better thought. And Karkat wouldn't shut up and he kept talking about that shit Eridan didn't want to. He already knew. I'd broken him to know, but he'd already known. And Karkat kept talking to him like a stupid grub and talking about that. Eridan twisted in the hold, straining. He didn't know what Karkat was trying to do, what he hoped this would cause, except it was hurting. And now it wasn't the old hurt which was okay because you stopped feeling it after a while. It was the new hurt that made things lose focus and only stopped hurting when he started hurting something or someone else.

He twisted and shook and strained to remember why he'd tried so hard not to just fucking kill Karkat. The homicidal intent that flooded him wasn't the manic, restless violence that preluded the fits, no, it was the logical, calculative calm that had once been his mindset hunting things and was now twisted on itself and turned into something monstrous. Karkat was hurting him and the fucker probably just wanted to hurt him for the sake of hurting him, because everything Eridan had thought about him was a lie obviously and why was he holding back again? Wouldn't it be easier just to snap his neck? Crush his throat? Shoot his head off?

Eridan went quiet and still as he stared at Karkat, what passed of as his conscious mind curling up in itself and folding back. He didn't want to hurt anyone, but he never got anything he wanted. In fact, him wanting something was the most effective way to ensure the entire cosmos would realign and ensure he never got his way.]

Shut up.

[caliginous]

Fuck you.

[He released his hands when he finally settled down, but more because he was fucking disgusted. Karkat couldn't stop himself from forcefully sitting up and trying to shove him off.]

Talking about how nobody cares, then when someone tries to give a shit, you just keep talking about the past while simultaniously telling everyone else to move on. The hell do you think you are?

[chronomancer]

[The weakest link. The sacrificial lamb. The one everyone leaves behind. It's not poetic melodrama, not for him, it's just statement of fact. Eridan rolls with Karkat's shove but doesn't pull back entirely. He keeps his eyes fixed on him with the eerie, intrusive air of someone who's dissecting an animal with a look. Which might or might not be what he was doing. Half a successful hunt was knowing your prey, after all.]

You know what's the problem with Makara?

[Because they're having an entirely different conversation, now. Or at least Eridan is. Quiet, collected, thoughtful. He's panicking somewhere inside, but it's muted under the weight of pleasant bloodlust.]

He enjoys it too much.

[caliginous]

[...oh. He's losing him. He's losing him very quickly. Time to wrap this up.]

If I cared about him, that's where I'd be. Now get off me.

[chronomancer]

[Eridan most certainly does not get off. He does, however, reach a hand to finger the bruises he left on Karkat's throat. He doesn't remember he's the one who put them there.]

He cares too much, you see. Makes it personal.

[There's that manic glint again, sharper now.]

This isn't personal, you understand. It's just business.

[caliginous]

[Ok, that's the last straw. Putting the bruises there was one thing. Playing with them was another. After a second or so of him touching the bruises, his eyes widen a bit in surprise. Then, like a dog swiftly angered from fear, he swings his head and sinks his spidery fangs straight into Eridan's hand. He's not shy with pressure, and he's only letting go once he tastes blood.

Its a horrible taste, but there are just some things even Karkat has limits with.]

Just business? Then don't fucking touch me.

[chronomancer]

[He doesn't flinch at the bite. He didn't really feel himself tearing down his arms, a bite is not even remarkable.]

You're not going to make this personal anymore.

[His smile is crooked, not amused, and it doesn't reach his eyes.]

It would've been, if I'd gotten you right after you went and fucked with my head. Couldn't think straight for days, you know? Or maybe after the second time, that one lasted weeks. But this? You couldn't make me hate you so now you're going to try and be as pitiful as you can?

[If you're not gonna lick that blood, he will. It's mostly like an after thought.]

I'm going to cull your ass, Vantas, and I'm not even going to enjoy it.

[caliginous]

In your fucking dreams, Ampora.

[Yeah, Karkat is done with this conversation. This time, he's a lot rougher with his shove. He throws his whole body into it to dump Eridan off of his lap.]

If you try, I'm gonna defend myself. I suggest you fuck off if you don't want me to make you.

[chronomancer]

[He rolled off Karkat and stood still long enough to offer that manic smile of his. Then he vanished. Less than a second later, the discarded rifle vanished too.]

Please do.

[And when he came back, it was to press the tip of the barrel against Karkat's head.]

I know I've always thought you were better than you really are, Vantas, but being a sitting duck is too much.

[caliginous]

[Karkat sat perfectly still, long enough to let Eridan finish what he was saying. The cool metal actually felt nice against his mounting headache. But it was still the barrel of a gun, and Eridan will find that his grip is suddenly very slack.]

Just remember, Eridan. You asked for this.

[Karkat has Eridan's eyes and he won't let him look away from his ice cold fury. He shoves the barrel away and moves to stand. He couldn't turn to leave, or his control would fade. So he would have to put him to sleep.]

I'd almost feel bad, if it wasn't for that.

[chronomancer]

[The smile doesn't falter. If anything, it grows sharper He doesn't really react to Karkat's anger, still bone-deep serene. Or at least looking like it. Somewhere really deep in the back of his mind, Eridan is screaming. Has been screaming for nearly two months now. He's gonna keep screaming for a long, long while.]

Being sorry is my thing, not yours.

[caliginous]

Doing a real great job of that now, aren't you?

[He takes control, forces him to lower the gun and step back. He is very focused on keeping his mind from melding with the insanity that is Eridan's but boy is it temping to give in after that display. How dare he push him like that, he was practically begging to be subjugated.]

Here's the thing. You don't get to tell me what to do. Its my job to tell you what to do.

[chronomancer]

[He's not resisting, this time. Every other time Karkat had touched his mind, he'd bristled out and tried to escape the hold, but not this time. He just kept smiling.]

It's good to know I'm not the only one hopelessly shitty at his designed job.

[caliginous]

Listen, grubfucker.

[He snaps Eridan's jaw shut, painfully so that he might bite his tongue if he's not quick enough to move it.]

You and I are never going to be equals. By default, I'm instantly better than you, and the more you talk, the deeper you dig your own sorry corpsehole. You're done talking, you're done threatening me, and I'm done with you.

[The urge to break him in half is overwhelming. But he doesn't. After the episode with Minato, he couldn't do that again. Especially not to a friend.

If that was even still a thing. Whatever.]

[chronomancer]

[He doesn't bite his tongue, but the clatter of teeth is annoying enough. It doesn't mean he stops smiling, though. It's a very condescending smile.]

[caliginous]

Sweet dreams, nookrag.

[He then throws his hands out in frustration as he knocks him into dreamland, completely careless as to how he falls to the ground.

He feared if he stayed much longer, he would have done something he would regret. Even as Karkat turns to storm off, he is vaguely aware that his hands are shaking and that his empathy threatens to overwhelm his already fragile psyche.]