animus_network | Video post: Signless is having some doubts in his old age.

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Video post: Signless is having some doubts in his old age.

[It has been quite a while since he had come onto the network like this. It seemed that the days had come together into one brief moment. He knew that something was off deep within his gut but he chose to ignore it. He moves to click on the network feed and clears his throat before he begins to speak. His eyes are sunken and it appears as if sleep had been a last thought to him.]

I believe today marks the day of my 100th year here...no wait perhaps it is in nineties. It is hard to make sense of what is truth. I feel...the same as I had when I arrived. Here I thought age was supposed to change a person. While this holds some truth to it I am not sure if this tower has provided anything of value. Though it is only be expected when you consider just what is associated with this tower. I must say it is fortunate that I am not in the ground. That my age has not caught up with me. This I can conclude is probably due to the tower or simply that death will be soon upon me and my hopes, whats left of them, still remain.

I do not fear it. Death has been a constant visitor during my time here. Maybe it is best that it will come for me. I have not accomplished much during my stay here and given my future was only death, if I had returned home, perhaps it is to be. Considering such a situation, I feel as if hope is lost...my time has been useless within this tower. I could not come to protect those around me, or provide new hope for my friends and those who wished to follow my word. If it is to be and death is to be a visitor tonight, then I wish you well. If not I will continue to do what I can to assist you, even if you intend to detour it. I suppose it might be a miracle to some that a mutant has lived this long...heh what a load of hoofbeast shit. I was destined to die, never meant to be. I have always known this and chose to ignore it.

Nothing but words pour from my mouth and yet no one listens. It all ended in failure, here and back on Alternia. I.... I'm not sure what to do anymore.

[Any expression he had drops and slowly he turns his head away from the camera. Brows lowered and his frown was trapped in permanent doubt. ]

I am sorry for all of you.... Thank you for listening.

[With that he clicks off the feed for now, wishing to stare at the absence in the screen. Becoming lost within it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

}↠ Well, if you do not want public commentary
}↠ Do not make public posts

I wished for opinions on the matter if one chose to leave such.
I did not wish for ridicule to come forth from your tongue or any form of base nonsensical comment that did not help me.
Simply stating that I am nuisance does nothing or has no point within the topic of this conversation.

}↠ It is still an opinion, even if you consider it ridicule
}↠ But do enlighten me, what is the point of this conversation if it is not for you to wallow in self-deprecation

Fine perhaps it was not a question of if I wished for responses. My purpose was to make a statement, some form of closure.
Letting those who care be aware of my possible death as the days continue to fall into place. Perhaps it is because I am afraid....
Or maybe I am lost as to what to do next.

}↠ Where are you now

[Goddammit, this friendship thing is a bother.]

Floor Ten.

[Shut up. Fishes are cool.]

}↠ Alright

[And now he has to go and find the whining mutant and make him feel better. Blah. It's very annoying when the roles reverse, and Darkleer is forced to drag Signless out of a pit of gloom. That's just not how the world should work. It's inconvenient, too.]

I insist, you don't look particularly dead to me.

[But he looks old. Then again, so does Darkleer. Like the centuries are finally catching up with him.]

[His head lifts to see the other, once he had arrived. Though his gaze quickly goes back to staring at the water. His energy has lost him and he can't seem to find enough to rise to greet the other. For now he will let Darkleer come to him.]

I sure do not look it, but it does not mean I do not feel it.

[Darkleer allows himself a loud sigh as he approaches, not particularly impressed by Signless' antics.]

What brought it about this time?

[This time, because seriously, you are a bleeding heart and even after all these sweeps it still kind of mystifies Darkleer a little. How can a tiny, mostly puny troll have so many feelings about so many things all the bloody time. It's exhausting even to contemplate it.]

[He lets out a short huff of breath and refuses to place his gaze on him.]

What does that mean? What brought what about? Are you implying that my words were not clear when I spoke? Or perhaps you simply failed to listen at all and only further proved my point when I made my finishing statement clear on the network. Of course we know that you actually did take the time to listen to my preach and for that I thank you for. However I do not see your point in asking what brought on my recent view, because you should already know. Or is it that you are simply trying to strike some form of conversation because you felt compelled to check up on me as if I was some mutant grubling again. I can assure you that this is not true. In fact I am aging forward not backwards. Or maybe there is some other purpose as to why you decided to 'check up.' Has your life become so mundane that you need to fill it with some other purpose? If not there is only one more purpose I can come to conclude to and that is simply you need my assistance.

Then again you can be assuming that my previous explanation is jumping to conclusions, which so long ago now that it is, I refused I would do. I apologize for that. Maybe you had good intentions for coming here and I am just being inconsiderate, which is very possible. I haven't been myself lately and so inconsiderate would be something tied to the present in relation to my attitude as of late.

[He clears his throat to continue once more. Dear lord someone stop him.]

[Darkleer doesn't roll his eyes out of sheer habit.]

You're rambling.

[Excuse him while he sits down on the ground with a little grunt. But if you're gonna ramble at him, bro, he's definitely gonna sit down.]

Which is admittedly a thing you've always been prone to doing, but even so there's usually something more to it.´So you're feeling old. Very well. But self-deprecation has never suited you much, so you will forgive me if I'm disinclined to indulge you in it.

[ He has to smile at such a comment. Darkleer's company also keeps the smile there.]

I am sorry...for rambling. I guess I really am getting old in my age.

[A pause.]

Do not indulge me in it, I do not wish to. Unfortunately I feel myself compelled to, a part of me is conflicting within myself and it is almost frightening. It hasn't happened much before now, last I remember I started feeling doubts...about myself and what I stand for after Disciple had told me my future. Considering how many years have past it seems so casual now that I come to think of it. How can so many years go past with no progress? This is what douses my hope and no longer allows it to blaze as it once did.

That implies your proficiency in the art of talking until my ears bleed is somehow tied to age, and I'm sorry, but I must disabuse you of that notion.

[The corner of his lip is twitching though. So he's probably just teasing a little.]

In other words, you need a new pet project.

[He lifts his head to look at him and can't help but raise a finger to point at the slight twitch in his face.]

Mmmm it appears you are trying to make humor with your words, Darkleer.

[The happiness it short and his solemn stare returns once more.]

Yes...but I thought I had. Hoping to find a new home within this tower and possibly escaping was the form of a project. This also was shot down. The drive no longer remains. I'm not sure what else to do while in this tower. I am not one who has a hobby or a set task that I enjoy spending free time on. Simply spreading my word was my purpose, expanding the knowledge of a tyrannical empress and the prophecy foretold. It is pointless now.

You are delusional, now, mutant, I am far too highblooded for humor.

[Yeah, he's totally teasing the shit out of you, Signless. Also that 'mutant' sounds almost affectionate. Darkleer frowns as he listens though, letting the joke rest as Signless sinks back into his gloom.]

Dedicating your entire life to a single task will do that to you. You have a rather unbecoming habit of forgetting you are, in fact, a troll, and not merely a preacher. For all you are proficient at preaching.

[There's a small pause.]

I don't suppose if I were to politely ask you to stop sulking about it, it would do much good, would it?

[Srsly, being your friend is hard, Signless. It's hard and no one understands.]

[It is a shame the joke had to die with his dark demeanor...it would have definitely been something to lift his spirit.]

No, I can't help but me plagued with these thoughts.

Perhaps it more then that, that has allowed me to forget who I am. Putting os much faith and effort into something you truly believe in. To be treated as if you are equal by those around you. Only to have it all crumble. I am a mutant.... I deserved to be culled, it was such the nature of our culture. And now I realize that I truly had to right to question it. I do not think I ever had a chance to feel as though a troll in our culture would. My grubhood was filled with a constant dread of being caught. I was always hiding, safe within the comfort of my moth- Lusus...gaze.

[He wished to say more, but something made him stop in the moment. His gaze turned back to Darkleer and quickly back to the vast ocean void in front of them. Why was he suddenly being so open to this troll.... He was not one to sprout off about his past and yet it felt alright to. It had been so long since he had someone to speak with. To just ramble off on. But he wished not to bring attention to it. Perhaps Darkleer would just brush it off as sorrowful rambles and nothing more.]

[Darkleer listens arms resting comfortably on his knees, letting Signless blurt out his ramble at his own leisure. One cannot hurry along the process, Darkleer has learned, much to his chagrin. Trying to get him to be concise and to the point yields nothing except even more word vomit and more derailing.]

...you did not deserve to be culled, and you know it.

[His words sting, they cut into him and force him back to his sole belief. Currently he hates it and yet he can't come to a reason why. Hands close into fists.]

Did I not! You of all people say that, wasn't it your orders! Your grand action that pulled the arrow and stuck it into my chest! How can you sit there and say that! Shut up!

I have told you before, have I not? The executor is not to pass judgment on his targets.

[Darkleer shrugs elegantly, though his voice is suspiciously clipped, as if he's making an effort to keep emotion at bay.]

I culled you. It was my duty and my orders, so I obeyed.

[There's a small pause.]

...and you have since convinced me I should not have.

[That...those words. He went silent and for a short moment, a simple second in time, there was visible shaking in his shoulders. It isn't long before he curbs what emotion he can and swallows the lump within his throat.

He opens his mouth to speak, but for once, very rare, Signless cannot find the words to speak.]

Edited 2013-01-18 06:09 (UTC)

Am I entitled now, to say you are being melodramatic?

[He's trying to make a joke out of it.]

Because it has come to my attention that there seems to be a temporal anomaly currently disrupting the Tower, and that might account for why you are acting like the world is ending when I know for a fact it is not.

[There's a pause.]

That and you do have one of these little crises of faith every fifty bloody years so it does kind of get silly after a while.

[Your humor is rather dry Darkleer.]

I am not sure if I can believe you, but I am willing to agree to disagree. Or rather the benefit of doubt. I can agree that the world is not ending, I feel a slight lift in my spirit.

[A beat.]

Do I? Have you record proof of this, I never knew you were so dedicated to my cause Darkleer.

[Wait hold that thought.]

Name. You have a name, I recall it, but I would rather hear it from you.

[Something odd crosses Darkleer's expression at the question, like Signless is taunting old demons of his.]

The name you recall and the name I was given in the caverns are one and the same. It is not the name I used most of my grubhood however.

[Yes, his name. He swallows hard. The name he took in the aftermath of his crime.]

You asked me this, once before. And you were surprised when I said Chiron, instead. And then you called me by name, a name no living creature knew to use, and I believed you and your dreams because of it.

[There goes another harsh swallow.]

Yes, I have a name. But not even I call myself Horuss anymore.

[Signless turns his position now, ever slightly so that he may reach a hand and place it upon Darkleer's shoulder. Or at least attempt to.]

It is the name that your birth granted you that I wish to call you by. You are not the only one who is shocked to be called by their hatching name. Do you wish to know mine?

[There's a long silence after that. It's an old wound, scarred over so many times to hold onto it is ridiculous. Darkleer let's out a soft sigh.]

You may tell me, if it pleases you to do it.

...they are the most mature adults in the history of ever

Damn stright, Darkleer just come to see him. It will be easier

But that's like. Standing up and walking and effort and stuff...

Wow some friend Darkleer

Ooooh, alright.

Good Darkleer. Your Friendship is showing.

Bluh, bluh, friendship is magic.

Indeed!

Friendship is also a chore. 8|

Poor baby, fine you don't get a present.

What, why! That's not fair.

Off topic, but is it bad if I ship them?

If it's bad, I don't wanna be good. /chinhands

Take my hand and we will ride this ride with no regrets.

And away we gooooo!

WHEEEE! Everyone aboard the feels train!

We're right on the rails though. /badum tiss

OMFG! /dies

Diamond railroad anyone?

Re: Diamond railroad anyone?

Mwahahahahaha.

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