animus_network | eight ♓ video;

[Feferi generally manages a smile for the network, even when things aren't going well. This time? She's not even trying to smile. She looks a mess now, though. Her hair's unkempt, like she's been tearing her hands through it, and she looks like she's thrown herself on the ground and cried for a while, then come back to one of the terminals and continued to cry.]

Ruana, you bitch. You took away - you - you -

[She breaks down in sobs again, finally catching her breath after a minute.]

There's a fresh grave with my matesprit's name on it and there are hearts everywhere. You are just throwing all of this crap right in my face, and it's probably giving you some sick kind of enjoyment. You probably watched when I went down there and cried and screamed and you laughed.

I don't care what you did to me last month and how it was supposed to teach me that I couldn't get past you or something. After the crap you pulled at the wedding and after you did this?

I will be hoping that you find someone and develop feelings for them. And then? I will hope that something happens to them, so that when you cry? I can find you and kick you when you're down. Over and over and over again, in your fucking face.

[The threat doesn't seem to help. Feferi just breaks down into tears again, hugging herself loosely until she composes herself enough to speak again]

I...I need some time. I'm sorry, to anyone I said I'd go exploring with. I just...I can't do it. Not now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... Is there anything I can do for you?

I don't - I don't know. I just can't believe it. And it's just...

People disappear from here at all times, and we just don't expect that someone close to us would be gone anytime. [ She has to admit she hasn't had that feeling yet. The only one person she can say she's very close to is still staying firmly. ] I'm sorry this had to happen to you now of all times.

That's it exactly. I knew, in the back of my head, that it was possible, that there was a chance, but going down there and seeing that grave made it too real, if that makes sense.

[Feferi wipes at her eyes, trying to clear away the tears that are filling them. It's only marginally successful.]

It isn't your fault. But thank you.

I don't blame you for feeling that way. I mean, I saw some names in the graves - and I didn't believe they were really gone. [ The emotional detachment she felt upon seeing Leon's grave was very well justified, though. ]

But... your special one might come back. People do come back here, don't they? [ She apparently did, but she doesn't remember anything. ]

It didn't feel real, at first, when I went down there. It still doesn't, and I was there long enough for it to sink in.

...he might. But there's a chance he won't remember anything.

There's still the chance that he might remember... you can't lose hope now, right?

You're right. I need to remember that. I can't just give up...

You'd just play the admin's game if you gave up to despair. And even if he did not remember, you could rebuild the memories together.

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