eight ♓ video;

[cullscuttlefish]

[Feferi generally manages a smile for the network, even when things aren't going well. This time? She's not even trying to smile. She looks a mess now, though. Her hair's unkempt, like she's been tearing her hands through it, and she looks like she's thrown herself on the ground and cried for a while, then come back to one of the terminals and continued to cry.]

Ruana, you bitch. You took away - you - you -

[She breaks down in sobs again, finally catching her breath after a minute.]

There's a fresh grave with my matesprit's name on it and there are hearts everywhere. You are just throwing all of this crap right in my face, and it's probably giving you some sick kind of enjoyment. You probably watched when I went down there and cried and screamed and you laughed.

I don't care what you did to me last month and how it was supposed to teach me that I couldn't get past you or something. After the crap you pulled at the wedding and after you did this?

I will be hoping that you find someone and develop feelings for them. And then? I will hope that something happens to them, so that when you cry? I can find you and kick you when you're down. Over and over and over again, in your fucking face.

[The threat doesn't seem to help. Feferi just breaks down into tears again, hugging herself loosely until she composes herself enough to speak again]

I...I need some time. I'm sorry, to anyone I said I'd go exploring with. I just...I can't do it. Not now.

Comments

[video]

[fuhgeddaboudit]

F...Feferi? Hey, you wanna talk?

[video]

[cullscuttlefish]

I - I probably look like a mess. I just - someone I...someone I loved isn't here anymore. And I feel like that's getting thrown in my face.

[video]

[fuhgeddaboudit]

Don't worry 'bout what you look like. Is there anythin' I can do to help ya?

[video]

[cullscuttlefish]

I don't feel any better after saying any of that stuff that I did. I just want to cry and not stop crying, and I'm not like that normally. I know I'd offer a lot of hugs and a lot of distractions, but I don't know if I'm at the distraction point.

...I'm rambling. I'm sorry...

action

[geometry]

["Ruana, you bitch."]

[That was the first thing Equius heard walking out of his dorm room today. Normally it wouldn't bother him; in fact, if anyone were to refer to that particular admin with a derogatory name, he would be inclined to agree. What caused him to stop in surprise was the voice that said it in the first place. He could recognize that voice, by now, as belonging to two people. One owner, if this agitated, would probably kill him if she saw him and was therefore worth avoiding. But that owner would have called Ruana some kind of tree instead. Couldn't be her. So...]

[...oh god.]

[Equius knew enough to realize that Feferi was making a video post right now, so he kept to his corner, silently out of the camera's view. It would be rude to interrupt. Still, as he listened, things got very serious very fast. He knew about Feferi's matespritship with the human, of course; Equius had been the one to educate Genda on troll relationships in the first place, and had talked to him a few other times besides. If Feferi absolutely had to get herself involved with a human, then he supposed Genda would be a good choice.]

[But now he was gone. And there was clearly a Feferi here, a Feferi who was always kind and compassionate beyond all reasonable expectations, cursing the Tower through fits of sobbing. Oh no. There are so many things wrong with this. So many things.]

[So after the recording ends, and a good few seconds past that to let Feferi compose herself, Equius walks over to her terminal. He makes no attempt to hide his footsteps.]

action

[cullscuttlefish]

[Feferi doesn't get very composed after she stops the recording. Saying all of that really didn't make her feel better in the way that she thought it might. She had been hoping for some kind of...something. An answer, a reason to turn her anger and hurt into something else, something.

But as it was, the silence was just another stab at her when she was down. She stood there for a moment, hugging herself, and debating whether she wanted to run straight back to that grave, flinging herself back on it and crying.

The footsteps were what stopped her. Feferi looked up, then turned, tears in her eyes.]

I can't believe he's gone...

action

[geometry]

[He didn't really expect her to, frankly. But it seemed like a good idea in case she wanted to... go running off or something. Then he would feel pretty bad for trying to stop her. But she hasn't flown the coop yet, so here goes. Equius walks a bit closer to her, having kept his distance before -- but she didn't really seem like she needed distance right now.]

[Instead, he stands in front of her for a moment, trying to think of something to say and failing miserably at it. What could he say? Sorry about that matesprit of yours? Wow, I'd feel terrible if that happened to me? No. God, those were all horrible. After he's gone through just about every response to this that he can think of, Equius eventually caves. And just wraps his arms around her shoulders instead.]

action

[cullscuttlefish]

[No. Distance is about the last thing she wants right now, and there really aren't a whole lot of words. None of them that don't suck, anyway.

What she really needed about then was a hug, and Feferi hugs back, trying not to cry too much. She's not really succeeding at that too well, but she's trying her best.]

[Video]

[idolizer]

... Is there anything I can do for you?

[Video]

[cullscuttlefish]

I don't - I don't know. I just can't believe it. And it's just...

[Video]

[idolizer]

People disappear from here at all times, and we just don't expect that someone close to us would be gone anytime. [ She has to admit she hasn't had that feeling yet. The only one person she can say she's very close to is still staying firmly. ] I'm sorry this had to happen to you now of all times.

[Video]

[cullscuttlefish]

That's it exactly. I knew, in the back of my head, that it was possible, that there was a chance, but going down there and seeing that grave made it too real, if that makes sense.

[Feferi wipes at her eyes, trying to clear away the tears that are filling them. It's only marginally successful.]

It isn't your fault. But thank you.

[terreifying]

[Another troll, just like Eridan. The way she talks, it seems a matespirit is their word for "lover".]

...I'm sorry.

[There's not much that Rei can say. She knows it hurts to lose a loved one.]

[cullscuttlefish]

It - it's not your fault. No one's fault, but the admins'. But thank you.

[terreifying]

Do they do this a lot? Kill people and not let them come back? Even though they say they're saving us?

[cullscuttlefish]

I've known since I got here that there was the chance of someone disappearing and not coming back. The thing with the graves and knowing they're dead is...that's been just the past few months.

But they do this too often. Once is too many times, but the frequency is just too much.

filtered

[papshooshing]

I KNOW A LOT OF THESE GUYS HERE WILL OFFER AN EAR.
FIGURED I MIGHT AS WELL THROW OUT THE SAME GESTURE AND ALL
IF IT MEANS ANYTHING, ANYWAY.

[cullscuttlefish]

It means a lot. T)(ank you.

...t)(is place really sucks.

[papshooshing]

AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING VERY AWKWARD, YOU'RE WELCOME.
THIS PLACE DOESN'T JUST SUCK.
SUCKING IMPLIES A CERTAIN DEGREE IN WHICH THINGS FLATLINE AND DO NOT GET WORSE FROM THERE.
THIS PLACE TAKES SUCKING AND DEFECATES UPON IT.

[titties]

... This place manages to get more and more screwed up, dammit...

[cullscuttlefish]

It does. I guess...I knew, on one level, that there was the chance that I could wake up and have him not be here any time. But knowing it and experiencing it are two different things...

[titties]

Heh, I'm sure he'll be back in no time, but...

... I'm sorry.

[action/video]

[wweh]

[Eridan looks on in the video with a bit of concern. He knows he needs to get over there right away to comfort her.]

Fef... I'll be right there.

[He closes the video feed, does a small victory dance in the elevator before he reaches the floor. Old feelings die hard, but as soon as he's out of the elevator, he rushes over to at least try and comfort her as best as he can. Tryting to make it not about him is going to be awkward as hell.]

action;

[cullscuttlefish]

[She just nods at the video, watching as the screen goes blank. When she hears footsteps behind her, that's her cue to hug him, burying her face into his shoulder and sobbing.

Right now, she is kind of a mess, and a mess that isn't keen on making things about anyone but herself at the moment. Don't mind the unintentionally willful ignorance, okay?]

[wweh]

[He gladly accepts her into his arms. At least he's good at that. Or he'd like to think so.]

I'm sorry...I never got to meet him.

[He won't say it was because he was constantly jealous of the guy.]