breath one | text

[longwinded]

[Say hello to John Egbert. Say hello to John Egbert's angry texts.]

all questions aside about what the hell is going on here.
who broke my hammer?
because that is just messed up.

[He sends another out a few moments later.]

who is even seeing this?
hi i'm john.
to anyone out there.

Comments

[ghostytrainer]

[The best text color there is, tbh.]

the letters are pretty shitty too. you did read them, right?
you will get used to the collar though.
sometimes i forget i am wearing mine.

that's not as bad as it could be though. at least they didn't completely shatter it or melt it down or something like that.
three pieces is fixable and if nothing else i guess you can...stab monsters with the spike?
whack them with the handle?
at least until you get it fixed.

[longwinded]

[This poor sap hasn't really figured it out yet. Why there is two of the best text color. What a dummy.]

yeah.
pretty shitty of them honestly.
eh, it's not bothering me.


[Except it is because it's a new thing and he does not like this new thing.]

man if they did that i would be so over the top angry.
hammers like that don't come easy.
i'll figure something out.

[ghostytrainer]

[John...John plz.]

it would be easier if they had an alchemiter here, am i right? haha.
which hammer is it, out of curiosity?

[longwinded]

[One day he'll stop being so dense and look at who he is talking to. EYE ROLL.]

haha.
yeah, it would be!
i like how you think.

vrillyhoo.
why do you ask?

[ghostytrainer]

well i would hope you would, all things considered.
hehehe.

[Really, other John? Really? This John is just laughing to himself right now.]

like i said, just curiosity!
but uh. vrillyhoo, ok.
gotta be honest though, that sounds like kind of a shitty hammer.

[Seriously, wtf kind of name is Vrillyhoo?]

[longwinded]

what things?

[..........? He is confused. It hasn't quite clicked, the lightbulb is not on right now.]

wow man.
no way.
it ended up being way better than zillyhoo.
packs a better punch.

[Wow, rude.]

[ghostytrainer]

oh, just...things. :P

oh my god that sounds even dumber.
zillyhoo, really? ahahahaha.

[He only says that because he does not yet know of the glory that is Zillyhoo. If only he did.]

[If only...]

[longwinded]

yoooooou are not making any sense.

wow dude.
don't hate on the hammers.

[WHAT A RUDE LITTLE DOUCHEBAG....]

[ghostytrainer]

you really haven't figured it out yet, have you?
ahahahaha!

i'm not trying to but damn with names like those it's just too easy!
what happened to stuff like wrinklefucker and fear no anvil, i mean really now.

[longwinded]

no?
what exactly am i supposed to be figuring out?
i'm kinda of lost here.

whoa man.
i agree that wrinklefucker and fear no anvil were good names.
but you haven't experienced the glory that is zillyhoo and vrillyhoo.
quite obviously.
not that you can.
you'd have to be me or something, hahahaha.

[ghostytrainer]

[To spill the beans or continue being a cagey asshat? Hmm... decisions, decisions.]

oh give it a few more minutes.
you will figure it out, i have faith in you.

but you are right.
i have not yet experienced the glory of these ridiculously named hammers.
maybe you can fix that for me sometime.

[longwinded]

[......you sir are a huge douche.]

no i think you need to tell me.
because i have no idea what you're trying to get at?

wait.

[Oh ha ha.]

there is no possible way.
don't even try to pull this shit.
who are you really?
why are you using my text color?

[Oh John...]

[ghostytrainer]

;)

[Bluh bluh, huge douchebag.]

[longwinded]

prove it.

[ghostytrainer]

[Instead of a text reply, the feed switches over to video and sure enough...the person on the other end is John himself. Same glasses, same hair, same teeth, same bright blue eyes, same-- okay his clothes aren't the same. Instead of snazzy blue pjs, he's wearing what appears to be some kind of modified version of the outfit Vriska made for him. There's a Haunter on his t-shirt and the green over-shirt has been replaced with a dark purple one. Next to his shoulder floats a strange black lamp.]

[John is wearing the biggest shit-eating grin right now, barely managing to contain a few giggles. He offers a wave to the camera. Sup other-John?]

[longwinded]

[John takes a moment and flips on his own feed to video. Just to continue staring at what he is seeing. What in the world? That isn't right. There are so many things not okay with this. Was he hallucinating maybe?

...Uh. Right them. He kind of waves back.]

I don't understand.

[Unless time shenanigans.]

What the hell.

[ghostytrainer]

Hehehe. It's just one of the special little things about this place. I guess basically it's like a parallel universe sort of deal? But at the same time, not really. Or not always? It's a little complicated.

[He's not even bothered though. The first time he met an alternate version of himself, sure. But not this time. This time HE has the upperhand!!!!]

I guess we should start with the basics so we can try and figure this shit out though. Which means, first off, you are John Egbert, right?

[longwinded]

I retract my earlier statement about this placed being messed up, it is straight fucked up.

[As if he really needed any more complication in his life right now. SIGH.]

Yeah, why would I be anything but John Egbert?

[ghostytrainer]

[Oh. Okay. Well he thought it was kinda cool but...okay. Fucked up. Alright.]

Ah, well apparently there are other universes out there where we are all switched up? For example, the only Jade here in the tower currently is Jade Strider, as opposed to the Harley I assume we are both used to.

But since you're an Egbert too, that obviouslt can't be the case here. It's probably something more like what's going on with the Daves.

[longwinded]

[It's somewhat cool? But, fucked up. You don't just break people's shit.]

Whoa, okay. You might be going a little far there. Jade Strider? Yeah, I know Harley. I know her well.

What is going on with the Daves?

[He won't believe the other John until...way later.]

[ghostytrainer]

[He meant the duplicates you doof! Gosh the tower isn't cool!]

Yup, Jade Strider! I'm sure she'll poke her head in here soon enough. I'm not making it up, I swear. Her John is the Harley, apparently.

But both Daves are originally from the same universe. Or...one with such minute differences that I can't tell what they are. Anyway, the big difference is that one of them was taken from SBURB and brought to a place called Johto before he wound up here. The same thing happened to me, but I was there for much longer than he was. Same with Rose.

[longwinded]

[Shut up. Right now. Shut it.]

Whateeeever you say. Since you have been here longer, I guess. Oh god, imagine us being a Harley. That seems hilarious.

[He is side eyeing you so hard right now other John.]

So you're trying to tell me you weren't playing Sburb before you came here? You were playing...something else? Oh my god, did you have to make this twenty times more complicated than it needed to be?

[ghostytrainer]

[Neveeeeerrrrr.]

I haven't played SBURB in over two years now. I guess you could say I was playing Pokémon? But not really since it wasn't a video game at all. So more like I was living Pokémon. But hey, it's not like I wanted to make things complicated. If I had my way, I sure as well wouldn't be here right now, nobody in their right mind would!

[longwinded]

[Ohhh, okay now he understands the Pokemon thing. Because he was wondering..]

Whoa that must be pretty depressing. Or maybe a good thing? We're not actually really even playing right now? So, Pokémon huh? Ha, oh hell no I would skip right out of here if I could.

sure as hell* omfg

[ghostytrainer]

Nope, we are definitely not playing the game anymore. Which is a good thing, from everything I have heard so far. But yeah, Pokémon. Real, bonafide Pokémon.