animus_network | Once the Honeymoon is Over... [Video]

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Once the Honeymoon is Over... [Video]

[The face on the camera is tired, the look in Diarmuid's eyes making it clear that the source of his weariness isn't physical, but mental and emotional as it so often has been since he arrived here.]

Has anyone see my brother? Ah...you probaly know him better as Lancer. I know he is still in the tower because his belongings are here and his name is still on the door, but I cannot find him anywhere and I have looked. Those who know my skills know quickly I can do that.

I am worried because I just remembered something he said to Jason a while back. He said he would volunteer for his next experiement and since this is Jason's month in charge and so many others have gone missing, I fear for what that means for him.

If anyone has seen him in the last few days, will you please let me know?

[Diarmuid pauses a moment, suddenly looking a lot more uneasy.]

Also, I want to apologize to all the people who were affected by my curse about week ago or got caught up in everything that was going on. For those who don't know, I carry a curse that forces the women who see my face to fall in love with me. It has been mostly inactive in this place but for some reason during the end of March and the beginning of April it flared back to life affecting both men and women. Unfortunately, I have never been able to tell when it is active and when it is not so far too many people were affected before I knew what was going on.

I...do not know why this happened. It has gone inactive again and I think by this time all those affected should have had the effects wear off. If not, take the knowledge that your strange feelings are caused by something outside of you and focus on that...

[Suddenly, he turns away from the screen as if someone has tugged on his arm, which they have. When he speaks his voice is quieter and directed at whoever is standing just off camera.]

Tony, just a moment, okay? I will play with you then.

[Diarmuid turns back to the camera, quiet for a moment as if he is collecting his thoughts and then continues where he left off.]

Focusing on the fact that your feelings are not your own will help you overcome the effects sooner. It is not something that worked that well during my first life, but there is a very strong pattern of it working here...

[There is a sudden scuffling behind Diarmuid and he is yanked away from the camera. The scuffling continues as his voice drifts back toward the terminal.]

Tony! Tony wait! I'm not done...

Gah! Does anyone know how to stop an alien abduction?

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(OOC: Diarmuid's responses will come a few hours later when he has given Tony the attention that the little gray alien seems to want so badly.)

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If...if you wanted to, I wouldn't mind.

[Waver paused, thinking the matter over for a moment.]

You probably have a point--I can't argue that, but it still seems wrong for me not to try everything I have available.

[Diarmuid lightly squeezes Waver's shoulder.]

It will be all right. Lets try the spell first and if it doesn't work, then we can try the link, okay? Besides, that way if one thing helps we will know which it is instead of having to guess.

And if it doesn't bother you for me to stay here more, I will. No offense to your ability to take care of yourself, but with so many people going missing, I would really rather keep an eye on you as much as I can. My brother being missing is bad enough. If you went missing too...

It doesn't bother me. Considering the kind of place this is, I'd feel much better if I knew where you were as much as possible. Not to mention there's obvious safety in numbers.

Yes, I would be worried even if this wasn't a Jason month. It being so just makes things all that much worse.

[Diarmuid shuts his eyes for a moment, pushing away the ball of dread forming in his stomach.]

I have a terrible feeling that I will need that sleep spell when this is all over...

...me too.

[Waver sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.]

Whatever happens...we'll get through it. Even if this place kills us a few times over, I'm sure we can recover.

[Don't speak too soon, Waver.]

If it is all the same to you, I would rather we avoid death as much as possible. Especially, you. I would really rather not have more blanks...

[His eyes suddenly widen. The idea...it is a horribly selfish one, but at the same time it might finally let him know what had happened during his breakdown.]

D-do you think that opening the link might let you see a memory of mine even if I am not able to remember it? Like it's something that is still there, but blocked from my conscious mind?

...I don't actually know. Every time it worked for us before was basically an accident.

[Waver had guessed at what Diarmuid was thinking; while he wasn't thrilled about the concept, he had to admit he wanted to know what happened as well.]

I'm willing to try it if you are.

Ah...that is true. I didn't think about that. I...don't want to expose you to such things if we don't know that it will work.

[Diarmuid takes a deep breath, though it doesn't seem to completely erase the disappointment from his eyes.]

Just forget I said anything. Maybe once I find my brother, he will tell me what I did. Sir Lancelot didn't seem inclined to. He just said he didn't hold it against me, and Kariya is very angry with me so I doubt I will be able to find out from him.

Diarmuid...it's alright. Look, I mean it when I say I'm willing to try this; I understand the kind of risks we're playing with here and I don't mind it. If you want me to try and find out what happened, I will.

My only warning is that I have no idea what you might end up seeing in return.

[Diarmuid smiles softly at him.]

Somehow, I doubt the worst of your memories will be anywhere near as bad as the best of mine. You know...things have not been easy for me. You might even end up seeing and feeling how things ended for me during the war. If we do this, you must swear to me on our bond that if at any time the memories become too much for you that you will tell me so that we can close down the link to stop the sharing.

Fine, I promise. I don't think you need to worry too much; I think I can handle it.

[Waver leaned his forehead against Diarmuid's closing his eyes and concentrating.]

Usually one of us might need to be asleep for this, but let me see if I can do this anyway. I want you to close your eyes and focus as much as you can on our link itself. I'll try to handle the rest myself.

Thank you.

[Diarmuid nods, closing his eyes and doing as Waver asks. He hadn't actually expected his friend to want to do it now, but why not? What reason is there to put things off? Others are looking for his brother and their friends. He can afford to take a little bit of time for this.]

All right, I am focusing. Begin whenever you are ready.

[Waver didn't particularly like to waste time; if they were both present and the subject was brought up, they may as well have given it a try then and there.]

[His focus was quickly brought entirely on the spirit link itself; Waver worked on conceptualizing it as a tangible thing which prana could be directed through. From there it was a matter of finding the mental aspect of it, not unlike trying to find the right signal on a radio.]

[And while he'd expected it to go both ways, he hadn't stopped to consider the degree to which his guard would have been lowered.]

['Blood determines a mage's power. This is a hard, unchanging truth, Waver Velvet.']

[Waver Velvet had once allowed himself to believe the Association would listen to reason. That someone would accept his thesis of effort and practice being of just as much worth as bloodline. Until he arrived in the Clock Tower, his only experience with magi had been his own caring and sympathetic parents; with them dead and buried years before, all that student had left was the harsh reality of a cutthroat world. And he hated it. Hated the countless students who pushed him around and laughed at his meager bloodline, hated this absurd structure upon which this world functioned, and above all else hated that godforsaken teacher who openly mocked the entire thesis Waver had tirelessly worked on.]

[In the eyes of the Association and the Clock Tower, 'Waver Velvet' really was nothing...and that was why he entered the Holy Grail War. A battle of ability, where titles and blood meant nothing. What better stage upon which to prove himself? Yet what did he find on the first night alone? More of the same derision, this time from that same lecturer who could and would kill him. He would die screaming and hating a world that never cared about him. A world that left him alone in every sense of the word.]

['It is remarkable, how this world has changed. Even shadows can speak and think themselves worth notice now. For surely none who calls themselves superior would hide within the dark like a coward, would they?']

[For the first time in the student's eighteen years of life, someone had stood up for him. Someone trusted this worthless third-generation magus and believed in him absolutely. This Servant he had summoned, whose name he didn't even yet know...he didn't spare a thought to Waver's bloodline or how incompetent he was. And for the first time since his parents had been lost to him, someone cared whether Waver Velvet lived or died.]

[When all had been said and done, the magus' only real regret was that he never had the ability to express just how much that simple fact meant to him.]

Edited (i can't spell) 2013-04-17 06:13 (UTC)

[While Diarmuid had been prepared for some of Waver's memories to be shared over the link since his friend had pointed out the possibility, he hadn't expected the memories to come so fast...

...or be so vivid.

The feeling of loneliness tears at his heart. So sharp. So familiar. And yet, Diarmuid realizes that of the two of them, he is the luckier one. He had spent most of his life surrounded and loved by others. It had only been those last few years that he had felt alone and even then he had not been. Not really. Oscar had still been there. Oisin had still been there. His father had still been there.

Waver'd had no one for most of his life.

And the hatred. Diarmuid hadn't known enough to understand that what he saw in Fionn's eyes had indeed been hatred. Even as his master had forgiven him, the hatred had been there.

Waver'd had no such innocence or naivety to protect him.

Unconsciously, his hands seek out Waver's and close around them comfortingly.

Diarmuid doesn't often like himself anymore, but he can't help but smile when he hears the words Waver's version of him had said. They speak of pure truth. Of loyalty. Of devotion. All of those things Diarmuid had once been.

And they had been the right thing to say to comfort one who deserved it more than anyone.

He leans forward just enough to brush his lips against Waver's, a wordless gesture meant to let the man know it is okay he had not been able to express his feelings then. They are understood now.

Once done, Diarmuid fully focuses back on the link, searching the best he can for the memories he knows are there, but are hidden from him. Perhaps, if he focuses on the pain and the hate he had felt, he will be able to find them even without knowing where they are.

It's just a shame things can never be that easy, especially now that he has so many memories tied to some kind of pain or hatred...]

[There is a howling which doesn't make any sense to Diarmuid since they are in a city in the middle of a duel. There are no wolves in a city and there had been no wind. Indeed, the air is strangely silent around them.

Aside from the howling.

Red and black swirls across his vision for a second, and he doesn't understand. What is going on?

He looks to Saber, but the confused shock on her face only leaves him with more questions.

Another swirl of red and black tears across his vision and with it comes an answer.

That howling? It's not howling at all, but words. Angry, pained, hateful words clawing their way out of the throat of a man who sounds like his heart has been ripped from his chest. As the voice continues to rant and rail at those around him, Diarmuid's hand drops to his chest. Then, he mentally laughs a bitter laugh as it seems his voice is no longer his own to do it with.

That's right. He has no heart anymore. Where his heart should be instead rests the cold metal shaft of his own spear.]

I don't want to die! Not yet!

[The ice cold fear that washes over him is a sharp contrast to the raging hot hatred that he can still hear that voice spilling out. Diarmuid wants to tell him to stop. To make that person stop wasting energy on such foolish things and instead focus on finding a way to survive this.]

I don't want to die. I...haven't finished serving yet!

[Red and black swirls across his vision again. The anger, the pain. He is lost in it longer this time. So long he begins to wonder if he will come out again. It's suffocating. It's smothering. It's erasing everything that he is.]

His vision finally returns, but it is hard for him to tell because there is so much blood on the ground. On his face. On his body. Everything is red.]

Please... I don't want to die...

[The swirl of red and black returns this time and as much as Diarmuid struggles, there is nothing he can do this time but drowned in it.]

I don't want....

Edited 2013-04-17 22:24 (UTC)

[Waver jerked backwards from the gentle touch, a visceral reaction of horror to whatever the hell he'd just witnessed.]

...

[He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The magus was pale, staring at Diarmuid with an expression of shocked disbelief; he'd seen his Servant angry once and only once, but that...that wasn't this. That had been quiet. Controlled rage that presented itself in an intense stare and strained words.]

[This was different. No, this was something Waver could hardly even comprehend Diarmuid capable of.]

I don't...think that was it.

[That faltering voice didn't sound nearly as calm as Waver wanted it to.]

[Diarmuid doesn't open his eyes when Waver jerks away. Instead, his arms warp around himself and he swallows hard to try and push back the sick feeling in his stomach.]

W-what did you see?

[Honestly, he's afraid to ask. Either what he had done was that horrible or Waver is right and what he had seen wasn't the right memory. Neither explanation makes him feel any better especially since for just a moment he had felt Waver's reaction to the memory though their link. The shock... The disbelief...]

Do...you want me to go?

[His voice is strangled and scared.]

I won't blame you...

Don't-...it's fine. I'm sorry, I was just kind of startled.

[He reached over and put a hand lightly on Diarmuid's shoulder, trying to push back the residual agony and rage that pulled at the back of his mind.]

It isn't your fault, so don't act like it is. What about you, what--it wasn't Caster's workshop, was it?

We shouldn't have done this. It was foolish of me to risk you so. I'm sorry...

[When Diarmuid opens his eyes, they show the barely restrained panic he is feeling. As much as he feels that Waver should push him away, he fears it like he's never feared anything before. That's why, even though he feels like he should pull away from Waver's touch, he can't. He just sits there, shaking and forcing himself to answer the other man's question.]

N-no, it wasn't Caster's workshop. It was a fight...an early one I think. You were facing K-Kayneth and his servant. Kayneth's taunting was making you remember how alone you had been all of your life and how much hatred the magic world held for you. But then then your servant stood up for you. And that made you so happy...

[Diarmuid bows his head in shame.]

I was like that once. Able to say those things. To see him and realize how far I've fallen. It hurts to much. Why do you force yourself to be around me? I'm not even worthy of being his shadow...

...you idiot. Come here.

[Waver pulled him closer, arms wrapped securely around his Servant's shoulders.]

I remember that...it was the first time anyone stuck up for me. I was such a screwup when the war started and such a wreck most of the way through it, but he didn't care. I was his Master all the same, no matter how worthless I thought I was. He...you stood beside me. Supported me when I was so terrified I couldn't do anything on my own.

You picked me up from the ground where people like Kayneth had walked all over me. Without you that stupid scared kid would have amounted to nothing, if he survived at all.

Why shouldn't I do the same for you? I told you before. Whether or not you're the exact same Servant means nothing to me. You are who you are, and to me you're the most important person I will ever know. If you've fallen, I'll be there to help you stand. If you think you're broken, I'll help you collect the pieces.

There's nothing I would hesitate to do for you. After the Diarmuid I knew was so unfailingly kind to me, maybe you and I were meant to encounter each other so I could do the same.

[Diarmuid's first instinct is to pull away--to run and hide until he can present a stronger front to Waver. People shouldn't have to worry about him. He's suppose to be the strong one.

But he can't be strong anymore.

And that is why he lets Waver pull him into his arms. The servant rests his head over Waver's heart, listening to the man's heartbeat and using that sound as a focus to eventually stop his own tears.

His friend's words are right. They always are and Diarmuid will not argue them now. He doesn't care if it is fate or chance that brought them together. He is just glad they are together.

And that Waver is a stubborn man who won't take no for an answer.]

I have told you what I saw. Will you please...tell me what you saw?

[Diarmuid is afraid of the answer, but even if he fears it, he just has to know it.]

Just a nightmare, I think.

[He ran a reassuring hand through Diarmuid's hair, voice much calmer now.]

...it's not wrong, you know. Being angry all the time hurts, I know--but after everything you've dealt with, it's not wrong to feel like that. I was just startled because I...didn't understand. I probably still don't understand everything about what you went through, and maybe I never will entirely. But listen to me, right now--I'll never hold it against you if you decide to hate anything about what happened. I'm the last person that should say 'it's wrong to feel hatred.'

Ah...

[Waver doesn't even need to say anything specific about memories he saw now. Only one set would bring up such a discussion about hate and rage.]

It was a nightmare...but it was also real. There is no waking up from that. What he did to me will always be there.

[Diarmuid falls quiet for a few moments, just letting the feel of Waver's hand in his hair calm him.]

Is there something I can try to explain? To help you understand?

[And perhaps in the process he might be able to help himself understand too.]

I know, Diarmuid. I won't tell you it's better to forget, but try not to let it overtake you. I'm here...I'll be your Master as long as you want me to, and I would rather die than do anything to hurt you.

[Sighing, Waver leaned his head against Diarmuid's as he tried to put his thoughts together.]

It's just...I only saw you angry once. Before the war started properly I was even afraid you were too nice to last in a fight. So I'm trying to comprehend just how miserable everything must have been for you...and I don't know if I can. I'm not sure I could take it if I did know entirely.

I'm sorry. I truly, wholeheartedly am. You never deserved any of this.

Once the Honeymoon is Over... [Video]

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