☿ // 003; [video]

[fionnuisce]

[After his response to Ruana, the almost disturbingly composed Waver with his mercury maid behind him decided to address the network himself.]

I'll make this clear: I don't give a flying multiverse-traveling fuck how real or fake it is, I will give damn near anything for a cigarette right now.

[Either he'd gone completely insane or just snapped into harsh sarcasm and irritation as a defense mechanism.]

Comments

video

[fionnuisce]

Just about any god-awful thing you can come up with would be worth it.

change to action?

[puppy_lancer]

Sure. Remember to keep that promise, now.

[And he runs back to his room to check if he has any cigarettes left.]

sounds good

[fionnuisce]

[He'll just make his way over there looking a bit cranky and with his mercury maid following along.]

Re: sounds good

[puppy_lancer]

[Lancer had to do some searching, and finds, to his chagrin, that this is his very last cigarette. But a promise is a promise. As soon as he finds it, he steps out of his room to greet Waver.]

Hey, turns out I still had one.

[fionnuisce]

Thanks. So what am I stuck owing you?

[puppy_lancer]

...

[He scratches his head.]

Uh...let me think of something...

[Try as he might, nothing is coming to mind right now.]

Man, this would be easier if you were a woman.

[fionnuisce]

If I were and you suggested anything like that I'd throw this cigarette right back in your face.

[He took a small capsule out of his pocket and crushed it--the result was a small flame that lasted long enough to light it.]

[puppy_lancer]

[He watches the display with some interest.]

Hm...can you use your mercury maid to find out the sort of scars that people have?

[fionnuisce]

If that was innuendo, let me make this clear.

You are not allowed to fuck Volumen Hydragyrum.

[puppy_lancer]

...I wasn't thinking of it!

[He stares at the mercury maid.]

Who would wanna fuck something that doesn't even feel human or make any noises? Does it even have the right parts?

[fionnuisce]

No, of course she doesn't!

[puppy_lancer]

[Unfortunately, he's now thoroughly intrigued by this possibility.]

...Can you remold her so she does? Or, wait, you know what it looks like down there, right?

[fionnuisce]

Did you not hear me say 'you are not going to fuck Volumen Hydragyrum'?!

[puppy_lancer]

I'm just asking. Not like I'd actually do it. Since, I can always get a real woman.

And...uh...you're not fucking it either, right?

[It would be just...kinda gross to know that he's talking to a guy who fucks his own mystic code.]

[fionnuisce]

I BLOODY WELL AM NOT!

[puppy_lancer]

Whew.

[He sighs in relief.]

Sorry. Had to be sure.

[fionnuisce]

You're an idiot.

[puppy_lancer]

Well, you're the one who brought up the option of fucking that thing!

[fionnuisce]

You're the one that screws every woman in sight!

[puppy_lancer]

Not every woman.

[He makes a face at Waver.]

And besides, I've actually screwed women. Real women.

[fionnuisce]

So why don't you just go screw yourself while you're at it?

[puppy_lancer]

Because you're watching!

[fionnuisce]

It's a figure of speech, you brainless moron!

[puppy_lancer]

[He growls and crosses his arms.]

Anyway, now that we know neither of us are fucking it, let's move on to what I actually wanna use it for, alright?

[A pause.]

And don't worry, I'm not gonna ask you to let Diarmuid fuck it.

[fionnuisce]

...I actually almost want to punch you sometimes, you know that? But fine, what were you actually talking about?