animus_network | ☿ // 003; [video]

... [Waver sighed at that, standing up to walk off with the mercury familiar in tow. Even if Diarmuid hadn't given himself away, it would have been easy to find him--with a connection through even an illusory contract as well as a Mystic Code that could cover a fair amount of ground, it wouldn't have taken long.]

[But since he'd made it easy, Waver would just walk there and stand just outside smoking the cigarette he'd gotten from the other Lancer at some point.]

[He can wait all day, Derry.]

[Diarmuid can feel it when Waver arrives with their bond restored, but he makes no move to leave the bathroom. He just stays leaning over the sink. A servant really shouldn't be able to feel as sick as he does right now, but he does. Even if it is all an illusion.

Somehow that just makes it worse.

Too bad you only have one cigarette there Waver. It doesn't look like he's coming out anytime soon.]

[...Goddamned stubborn idiot and goddamned spirit link. Even Waver was starting to feel nauseated by proxy. He gave up on waiting after a moment or two and walked in himself, crossing his arms.]

Talk to me. What happened and whose legs am I going to break to fix it?

[A dry, harsh laugh is the only response he gets for a moment. A few seconds later, almost as if it's an afterthought he adds softly.]

My own? For being idealistic fool?

Explain yourself, then. What do you think you did wrong now?

Think? I don't have to think anything. I know.

[Diarmuid takes a deep breath and stands from the sink. When he turns to face Waver, his posture is ridged.]

You know what did this Waver. I told you what we were doing. Why did I trust them to know how to lead? They know nothing. It's all a game to them. Just like it is to her.

...You don't realize what this really is, do you?

[Without a trace of the mild breakdown from not long before, Waver was entirely calm and sure of himself as he spoke.]

Diarmuid, listen to me very closely. Maybe it sounds like we all fucked up, sure. But I don't think we did at all. I think this is us finally fighting back instead of just accepting and reacting to all this shit Ruana and the others pull. And if it is, no one should have to apologize for starting it off. A time limit is probably the best out of any setbacks to it we could have gotten. We're still alive now, and that's what counts.

A year's a lot of time. If we play our cards right we might even pull this off and get out of here safely. Maybe it doesn't go off without a hitch and maybe some people get hurt. It won't be perfect and it won't be pretty, but this is our rebellion.

[Waver dropped his cigarette and crushed it out with one foot, exhaling the last thin white haze and staring at his Servant intensely. This was the revolutionary aristocrat with thoughts of breaking and reforming ancient traditions. The steadfast lecturer with ice in his tone and fire in his eyes that was ready to face all the evils of the world and tell it to fuck off. His tone was firm and forceful without being angry; the voice of a leader preparing to fight.]

Ruana wants to make this a game, so let's beat her at it. Whether we live and escape or die trying, she still loses. I never expected to live much longer back home anyway, so I have every intention of fighting. But I need you, Diarmuid. I need you to fight with me. I need you to snap out of it, understand what you've really started, and finish it with me if not with the rest of the resistance.

[Waver stood straight and proud, his every word passionate with the firm resolve he'd developed in this whole mess.]

I won't lie and say I'm not afraid. Of course I am, as anyone without a deathwish should be. But that's not going to stop me. Neither will she, or Jason, or anything else.

Now are you going to fight with me, or are you going to give up and keep blaming yourself for shit that isn't your fault?

Edited 2013-06-03 05:24 (UTC)

Life is not a game, Waver! How many people nearly lost their minds when everything failed? You almost...

[He stops suddenly and sighs, posture losing its stiffness. Diarmuid almost seems to curl in on himself, in fact. In some ways, he thinks, it's unfair. Waver can always do this to him. Can always cut through the mad rush of emotions and find him and make him listen to reason.

He supposes that is a big part of the reason he has seemed to be doing so much better these last few weeks, isn't it? Had so much more balance and focus? The bond between them had been doing its work quietly in the background--grounding him for the first time in a long time--and with the grounding he had been able to make decisions, talk to the people who he needed to talk to, accept the help that so many had been giving him for so long, and generally move forward. ]

It was back for a little while, you know. The knight... I had hoped it would stay. I can think more clearly that way.

[At the expense of his emotions--at the expense of his sense of self--but as much as he wants to be the man he knows he is, right now there really is no place here for that man. This is a war and a war is the place of a knight.]

I don't trust them...not as leaders. In the middle of war even after a victorious battle, they should not be taunting the enemy. They should be preparing for the next assault. Allowing for such distraction can be fatal...

[He shuts his eyes.]

But I trust you. I trust you. Tell me what to do. I need...

Breathe, first of all. [Some of that sudden rebellious fire faded and gave way to concern, Waver reaching to put a hand on Diarmuid's shoulder.]

Let them have their victory for now. That taunting might not be smart, but it's what some people might need to hold on to their sanity. I'm sure this next month's going to be hell, so they'll need that much at least.

[The touch undoes him. It is why he had wanted to avoid people like Waver right now. Why he had wanted to be alone while he found a way to leash his anger. If he'd had enough time, he probably could have shoved it all down inside and just left it there. He can't do that with someone here and connected to him like this.

Diarmuid doesn't say anything at first. He merely steps forward and leans his head against the other man's shoulder. After a few seconds, he finally whispers.]

I'm sorry... Please, just give me a moment.

[He doesn't say anymore. He merely starts crying. Soundlessly. Finally letting out all the pain, fear, sorrow, and anger that has been building up inside of him since things had first shut down out at once.]

...I understand, Diarmuid. This seems like an impossible situation, but it's going to be alright.

[Waver put his arms around the knight's shoulders, pulling him a little closer.]

You can cry if you need to--there's no real shame in that. Most people doing everything you're trying to would've broken a long time ago.

[Diarmuid doesn't respond at first. Instead, he allows himself to accept the chance Waver has given him to get all of his tears out. Once he's done, he doesn't step back right away, though. He just remains standing there with his head against Waver's shoulder.]

I broke once already and hurt those closest to me. I don't want to do it again. I can't do it again.

[He sighs and steps back so he can look Waver in the eyes.]

I am honestly surprised that I didn't have doubts before this. You know my luck with leaders who I put blind faith in. I will just stick to putting my faith in my friends and family. It's easier.

You can trust me. I know that's easier said than done, but I swear on my life I'll never turn my back on you.

...You said you were thankful I let you choose to help others of your own free will. I want to give you another choice now, and whatever you say is up to you: Will you fight this godforsaken place with me? If we only have a year left, will you help me raise hell for the administration before the end?

Edited (goddamn shift key) 2013-06-05 01:15 (UTC)

[Diarmuid is quite for several moments, though, honestly his answer is not really in doubt. He had made a promise to Waver after all. And he meant to keep it.

Every war has its leaders. Every rebellion its voice of inspiration. It is merely a matter of whose banner one followed. While Diarmuid might be fighting in a war that would benefit everyone in the tower and whose leaders he did not really know or trust, in the end he is fighting not for all of them, but those who are closest to him.

He's following the master of his choice for the first time in his life, not because of duty or expectation but because he wants to. And that master, is Waver. There will never be any doubt in that.

A smirk crosses his face as he opens his eyes.]

So then, we practice for taking down those fools at the Clock Tower back home?

That's more like it. [Waver took Diarmuid's hand, a smile crossing his face.] Of course, we're not going to violently overthrow the regime at the Clock Tower.

...Probably not, I mean.

Probably not.

[Diarmuid laughs.]

It would be better to beat them at their own game, don't you think? To knock them down a peg or two.

[And suddenly something seems to click in his mind.]

Ruana does love her games. I guess calling this a game might not be so wrong after all...

[Though, he's still not sure he likes it.]

Well, fate forbid I rule anything out from the start. If all else fails, you never know. [He waved a hand with a playfully dismissive sigh, turning serious as he continued.]

Magical politics are all just a long, drawn-out game of strategy. This is no different, aside from the substitution of politics with whatever the hell you'd call the administration's...activities. It's not reckless to think of it as a game if it is one you're playing to win at all costs.

And that's what I intend to do, naturally. No matter which tower I'm fighting, I'll play to the best of my skill and ability to whatever end. Whether we win or lose...whether we live or die by this little game's end, what matters at this moment is that we intend to do it together. Right?

Edited 2013-06-05 22:32 (UTC)

Of course, and it is a good thing too. I...am not good with that kind of strategy, Waver. Give me a battlefield, I can win it, but these thinking games usually just leave me confused. I don't know enough about how modern people think. I will need you to lead me there. You can do that, right?

[Diarmuid runs a hand though his hair and then laughs, a little embarrassed.]

Never mind, I know you can. You have been playing those games ever since the war, haven't you? This is your kind of fight.

[He pauses to rub the last of this tears from his eyes.]

I'm sorry about all of this. I thought I was doing okay, but in the end the sudden lost of control got to me as well. it just took me a little longer.

It's alright, Diarmuid. I can't blame you for losing it, least of all when I was doing the same thing not that long ago. It's times like this when you should be able to rely on me.

[Waver smirked, continuing with a tone of confidence.]

Leave the subterfuge and politics to me. That's what I'm used to, and in fact it's something I quite enjoy playing.

[A gentle smile crosses Diarmuid's face.]

Maybe you can try and teach me a bit when things aren't so dire. I would like to see if I can learn. Or at least understand a little better.

I'm not sure that kind of game would suit you very well. But if you'd like to learn, I can try to teach you.

I agree with you. I am too honest to play that kind of game for long.

[Indeed, just the thought of it makes him feel uncomfortable.]

But I would like to understand so I can at least try to help you instead of hinder you.

You'll be just fine. It's something of a subtle matter; words are just as deadly weapons as blades sometimes.

I was good friends with a bard. I know just how sharp and deadly words can be. You did not want to make Oisin angry. Honestly, I think he was the most deadly of us all because he could not just kill you physically, but he could destroy you mentally and see that your reputation died just as horribly as you did.

He tried to teach me a few tricks, but...

[Diarmuid laughs.]

Even he said I was too honest. Some things are just not to be.

I've read about him--seems like my kind of person, really.

[A shrug.]

I'll admit dishonesty leaves a terrible taste in my mouth. I do what I can not to lie outright, but not telling the entire truth is another matter entirely.

action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject