animus_network | [Video/Action] Bittersweet the Bonds of the Heart

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[Video/Action] Bittersweet the Bonds of the Heart

[Losing Mami, who he viewed as an adopted daughter, last month had been hard, but Diarmuid had worked his way through his grief by focusing on the happy times they had spent together. However, when three more people he is close to are sent home--two of which he cares for like his own children--those happy memories become a source of pain instead of a route passed the grief.

When he appears on the Network, Diarmuid looks more lost and empty than he has in a long time.]

Usually, when I address everyone, I am asking for help on a project that will benefit the whole Tower. Today, I am asking for help on a more personal level.

How does one handle losing a child? Not just one, but several over a short period of time? Nothing I try seems to work, and I am...

[His voice trails off here, shaking and uncertain. A short time later, the feed ends.]

Action:

[After making his post, Diarmuid can be found wandering the Tower almost as if he hopes one of the floors might give him the answers he seeks. There are some specific prompts below, but feel free to find him elsewhere.]

Room 4-16:

[A handmade wooden box sits on the bed next to Diarmuid. Once it held chocolates, now it holds letters. Several written in a childish hand are sitting on the top, but what Diarmuid is looking at is a pair of drawings that are usually set up near his bed on the nightstand.

He's not crying... He's not...]

Floor 48 (The Graveyard):

[Rabbit would probably scold Diarmuid for singing what is suppose to be a funny song in such a sad voice, but it's hard to be happy when he is singing the song alone to the gravestone of the person who was suppose to be singing it with him. He and Yotsuba had promised to get together to sing Rabbit's songs as a way of honoring their friend's memory...

Now that is never going to happen in any way other than this.]

Floor 3 (The Library):

[There is ink smudged on his cheek and his arm, but Diarmuid doesn't notice. On the surface, he's focused on printing more copies of the Tower Guide to put out for those who might want them, but really he's in the Library for a very different reason. Tohko was always here and it's like he feels spending time here will help him find her again--find that cheerful voice who had so often redirected him when he didn't know what to do next. He almost expects to look up and see her there, smiling and ready to offer her help with what he's working on.

Unfortunately, no matter how long he waits, that will not happen.]

Floor 28 (The Music Room):

[Before even his brother, Labrys had been the first family Diarmuid had in this place. Their bond created during the January experiment, afterward they had talked about learning to play an instrument together, but life in the Tower and his indecisiveness had kept them from doing so. Now, as his hands run over the piano he had once heard her picking a tune out on, the sound of his grief blocks any music the instrument might make.

How is it that one who once lived his life with no regrets has so many of them now?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...No, I'm not. I don't know if any of us are.

I'm on the first floor of the dorms right now, but I can go wherever it's most convenient for you.

I am in the library, but I can more quickly come to you than you can come to me. Just give me a few minutes, okay?

[Without waiting for a reply, Diarmuid leaves the library and takes off toward the terminal that Rick said he is working from. As stated, it will only takes him a few minutes to make his way to that floor, and once he arrives, he immediately starts looking for Rick.]

[Rick will be by the terminals, typing out his response with hands so unsteady that they clatter on the keys. He is, as expected, a nervous wreck--pajama-clad, unshaven. The redness of his eyes could either be from crying or lack of sleep, it's hard to tell.]

[As soon as he sees Diarmuid, Rick promptly abandons his post and makes a quick line towards him. His arms aren't out but he is asking for a hug. Poor man is so distressed he can barely walk straight.]

[Diarmuid immediately makes his way to Rick and pulls the man into his arms both to comfort him, but also to make sure Rick isn't going to fall. It worries Diarmuid terribly to see Rick so shaken up. However, he understands the man's pain because he feels it himself.]

We will save them. We will.

[He knows the words can only do so much to make Rick feel better. After all, the words have only done so much to make Diarmuid feel better, but it is all he has at the moment.]

[Rick buries his face in Diarmuid's chest and squeezes him tight. Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembers that he was the one who offered to give reassurances, but that thought quickly leaves him. He's done all he can to bring comfort to others these past couple of weeks; it feels nice to be on the receiving end. Rick savors the moment while he lacks the dignity to do otherwise.]

[Eventually he gathers the nerve to respond, looking up with wide, watery-blue eyes.]

...W-What else...is there? S-S-Save them, or...d-death?

[Diarmuid reaches up to gently place his hand on Rick's head. Part of him wants to break down and join Rick in his distress, but he knows he can't. Diarmuid has always been bad at dealing with his own pain and it is pushed even farther away when there is someone else who needs comforting. He meets Rick's eyes with as steady look as he can manage at the moment.]

There is no other option. There is only saving them. Nothing else is acceptable. We will succeed.

[Rick can only meet his eyes for so long before he's forced to look away. He knows that Diarmuid has to be in just as much--if not more--pain than he's in right now, and it hurts to think about, far too much for him to bear. There's too many people in the same state for him to keep on like this.]

--I-I-I k-keep s-s-saying that and--I c-c-could b-believe it for a w-while but-- [As if for emphasis, his hands fiercely grip Diarmuid's shirt.] --b-but they k-keep--s-s-slipping through my f-fingers, I--th--there's n-nothing I--a-any of us--

[Diarmuid shakes his head, hands coming up to cover Rick's comfortingly.]

There are always things we can do, Rick. More importantly there are things we have to do. We have to keep hope. We have to keep fighting because without us there is no one left to fight. Those who have left here can no longer fight and the rest of the people on our worlds...

[His voice drops off and for a moment, Diarmuid closes his eyes. He says these things to Rick because he believes them...except for the small part of him that mocks him for again not listening to his own advice. For being weak enough to doubt...]

...I-I-I know, I...I-I know...

[Rick nods mechanically, listless, quietly shuddering while Diarmuid goes silent. He doesn't like that hesitation, not from the person trying to comfort him, and as sensitive as he is right now he catches it almost immediately.]

...B-But how c-can I...i-i-if n-not e-e-everyone else knows, t-too?

[He passes another shy peek up through Diarmuid's arms.]

...I c-can't do this a-a-alone...a-and n-neither can y-you.

[Rick's look pulls Diarmuid out of his worry, and he forces himself to focus again.]

That is why our bonds are so important even if they hurt us sometimes...like now.

[He rests a hand on Rick's head in a comforting gesture.]

As long as we make those bonds and don't allow the Administrators to tear them apart, we are never alone, and we will never fight alone. We...have to focus on that. That is what will keep us going so we can save those who aren't here.

[Rick considers this statement with a steady gaze; his response is short, but concise.]

...A-And you t-t-trust us to f-f-fight with you? To h-help?

[Diarmuid nods.]

I may not trust everyone in the Tower and you know what I think of the Administrators, but there are those here I trust unquestioningly. You are one of those people. Believe me, we are not alone. Even if there is darkness and sadness all around us at times, we aren't alone.

[Rick grins, almost giddy, but is forced to hide his face again when tears well rapidly in his eyes.]

...Th--Thanks...I...y-you h-have no i-idea how m-m-much that m-means to me.

[Someone that trusts him without question...even without his mishap with the monsters a few months ago, that resonates powerfully with him.]

...Then you d-don't h-have to g-grieve. We'll get them b-back--e-e-everyone. They a-aren't lost.

[Diarmuid is quiet for several moments before smiling at Rick. The blond man's words seem to have stuck a cord in him.]

You are welcome, Rick. You're a very brave man and I am glad to have had the chance to meet you and work with you.

You are also right, of course. Even if I don't get to see them again, they will be safe and happy in the end. That should be enough, right?

[Rick's words have struck a cord, but Diarmuid still seems a little unconvinced.]

[Rick is initially very happy to see that he's made some sort of impact, but of course he hasn't done enough. His smile falters and his brow knits with concern.]

...I-I c-can't make you...n-not m-miss them, that...I'm not t-trying to be, ah...u-u-unreasonable. O-Otherwise...well we w-wouldn't f-fight for them if we d-didn't w-worry about them, w-would we? Or w-what they m-mean to e-everyone else? R-Right?

Right.

[Diarmuid gently ruffles Rick's hair.]

Sometimes, it's just really good to hear someone else say it. Especially, when you are caught up in your own doubts. Thank you for that.

[Rick giggles and, deciding that he's been clingy enough, finally lets go of the servant and backs off. His eyes are still puffy red, but the small smile says that this has been ultimately quite helpful for him.]

Y-You and me b-both.

[A beat; Rick looks away and takes a slightly more serious tone.]

...I...c-can't just k-keep h-hoping, though. It's a-about time...

[Another pause as he ponders.]

...Y-You've been through one of R-Ruana's m-months, r-right?

[Diarmuid laughs softly, glad that Rick seems to be feeling better. He is also feeling better, but that really is less important to him than how Rick's feeling.

The question, however, causes a worried look to cross Diarmuid's face.]

This month will be the third month of hers that I have been through. Why are you asking?

Edited 2013-10-19 03:07 (UTC)

...W-Well she...h-her ah..."g-g-games." Does she...um...p-p-participate? I mean--or c-come up h-here to w-w-watch, at least?

She watches, but as far as I know she does not watch in any place where we can get to her. She has psionic abilities, Rick. She doesn't need to be someplace near us to watch her games.

[The worry on his face is replaced with a stern look.]

If you are thinking about trying to do something to her, I cannot advise against it hard enough. You know what she does to people who don't do as she says.

[The servant's sharp glance is more than enough to make Rick draw back, eyes drawn to the floor and cheeks flushing deep red. Despite being sufficiently chided, he still manages to scrounge up the resolve to argue (ironically, a testament to how comfortable he feels around Diarmuid).]

--B-But if she c-comes up here--I c-c-can't just--I--

Unless something very much out of the ordinary happens, she will not come up here. The only time I have heard of her actually showing up here herself was at a wedding in January. In February, the Administrators met with us to answer questions, but Ruana was not with them and I doubt that kind of question session will be repeated with relations between us and the Administrators being as they are now.

[The stern look on his face softens back into worry.]

Please Rick, do not try to do anything to her. Right now messing with any Administrator--especially her--will only lead to death.

[Rick's face falls, the resolve drained from him by reason. So while the other admins had visited during their months, Ruana probably wouldn't...not unless something happened here to catch her attention, perhaps. He wouldn't know how to do something like that.]

[Not that he's completely swayed; his expression hardens and his hands curl into tight fists at his side.]

--B-B-B-But d-doing n-nothing--I've t-t-tried that, and she-- [Rick scowls at the floor.] --I-I can't p-promise that I w-won't...t-try something if she c-comes up here. I d-don't...know what e-else to do.

I am the last person who will tell anyone not to prepare themselves to fight if there is a fight coming. However, I am the first person who will tell you what so many others have told me.

[Diarmuid shifts his head so that he can meet Rick's eyes.]

Don't risk your life unnecessarily. Fighting Ruana now is suicide. Your skills are better suited here, supporting your friends, protecting those who need to be protected, helping the research team...

All of that will be lost to us if you are dead. Even if you will come back in one day, that is one less day we will have to work and perhaps discover the key to making it so that we can finally fight Ruana and win.

[Rick manages to stubbornly hold Diarmuid's gaze for several seconds--several seconds longer than he would typically feel comfortable doing--before he gives in and slumps his shoulders.]

...Y-You're r-r-right. [Though the way he averts his eyes says he's not convinced.] I sh--should know...well I...

[Rick viciously bites his lip in a sudden fit of frustration.]

--D-Diarmuid, I--y-you're t-t-trained for...you know...th--these s-sorts of things. I've n-never...I-I'm s-sorry if I s-sound...i-i-impatient. I just don't know w-what to do with m-myself.

[Video/Action] Bittersweet the Bonds of the Heart

[about to be the shortest perma-anything if they meet in person]

[permatext/permafiltered] to [Action]-Nope! I have actually had shorter. LOL!

[action] ...challenge accepted?

[action]

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