Patrick Dawn (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bashfulshifter) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
animus_network2014-01-22 10:26 am
bashfulshifter) wrote in animus_network2014-01-22 10:26 am
Entry tags:
[video/action]
[Now this is unusual--the blonde man is on camera! Although it should be easy to figure out that whatever extenuating circumstances have driven him to this were not kind; unkempt, unshaven, blue eyes dead and glistening with tears, his appearance screams of a man in mourning who hasn't left his room for almost a week. And this is, indeed, the case.]
[A text apology would be the path of least resistance, but the last time he tried that people got angry at him, and he's sure that they're all angry enough with him as it is. He wants them to see how sorry he is, even if he's feeling too miserable to leave the first floor dorms. It's about all he can manage.]
[...If even that. Cameras have never agreed with Rick, and as he opens his mouth to try and speak, he realizes that they're certainly not going to be friendly with him now.]
--I-I--A-A-Ah--
[He closes his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut. Don't think about the fact that you're being filmed. Don't think about how everyone checking the terminals can watch your red face blubbering about your horrible mistakes. Which they are already judging you viciously for, by the way. Just ignore that for a minute. Right.]
...S-Some...s-s-s-something-- [Rick grinds on that first syllable a few more times through his teeth, falters, gives up.] --I-I m-m-mean--l-last--th--there--th--u-um--
[He can't do this. Rick swipes off his glasses and buries his face in his hand, taking several deep, long breaths. When he speaks again, his words are still muffled in his palm.]
...I-I've m-made...a m-m-mistake...
[The blonde man sits in front of the terminal for some time thereafter, as if he's going to try and continue, but when the words don't come he quickly reaches over and turns off the feed.]
[He doesn't stay to look at replies to his post--the idea of other people commenting on that embarrassing display almost makes him sick. Instead, he stumbles back to his quiet, dark room on the first floor and curls up in his bed.]
[A text apology would be the path of least resistance, but the last time he tried that people got angry at him, and he's sure that they're all angry enough with him as it is. He wants them to see how sorry he is, even if he's feeling too miserable to leave the first floor dorms. It's about all he can manage.]
[...If even that. Cameras have never agreed with Rick, and as he opens his mouth to try and speak, he realizes that they're certainly not going to be friendly with him now.]
--I-I--A-A-Ah--
[He closes his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut. Don't think about the fact that you're being filmed. Don't think about how everyone checking the terminals can watch your red face blubbering about your horrible mistakes. Which they are already judging you viciously for, by the way. Just ignore that for a minute. Right.]
...S-Some...s-s-s-something-- [Rick grinds on that first syllable a few more times through his teeth, falters, gives up.] --I-I m-m-mean--l-last--th--there--th--u-um--
[He can't do this. Rick swipes off his glasses and buries his face in his hand, taking several deep, long breaths. When he speaks again, his words are still muffled in his palm.]
...I-I've m-made...a m-m-mistake...
[The blonde man sits in front of the terminal for some time thereafter, as if he's going to try and continue, but when the words don't come he quickly reaches over and turns off the feed.]
[He doesn't stay to look at replies to his post--the idea of other people commenting on that embarrassing display almost makes him sick. Instead, he stumbles back to his quiet, dark room on the first floor and curls up in his bed.]
text -> video;
Losing your temper doesn't make you like those jerks. It means you're human.
That wasn't the first time I've been put in a situation where I had to fight my friends. I've done it before, and it was awful. The thing is the intent behind it. I wasn't doing it to hurt them; it was because I was put into a bad situation.
Bad situations don't make us villains. They aren't right about anything. They're just a bunch of jerks who want to make us think that when it isn't true.
[text]
This has happened to me once before, too--months ago. I was possessed and I hurt a lot of people. But at least then it wasn't me who was saying all of those hurtful things, even if I still felt horrible for it later because I was being used to say them.
In this case...true, I was forced to fight people that I didn't want to...but everything I said was from me. I realize this now...it's all true. I've lied to so many people and I'm ashamed.
[video;]
We're all ashamed of our feelings sometimes. I'm not proud of what I said, either. It doesn't mean...
...I'm repeating myself, but that's because it's true. Everyone has those feelings on some level. Beating yourself up because someone forced them out of you, though? That doesn't accomplish anything, and it only hurts you more.
[text]
video;
That's the thing: people understand promises being broken because they're out of people's control. They understand a lot better than you're giving them credit for.
Please stop beating yourself up over this...
[text]
[In too much pain to continue, the message cuts off there as Rick forces himself away from the terminal.]
[video;]
[She doesn't expect a response, but she has to try, at least, before shutting off her own end of the feed.]