[video/action]

[bashfulshifter]

[Now this is unusual--the blonde man is on camera! Although it should be easy to figure out that whatever extenuating circumstances have driven him to this were not kind; unkempt, unshaven, blue eyes dead and glistening with tears, his appearance screams of a man in mourning who hasn't left his room for almost a week. And this is, indeed, the case.]

[A text apology would be the path of least resistance, but the last time he tried that people got angry at him, and he's sure that they're all angry enough with him as it is. He wants them to see how sorry he is, even if he's feeling too miserable to leave the first floor dorms. It's about all he can manage.]

[...If even that. Cameras have never agreed with Rick, and as he opens his mouth to try and speak, he realizes that they're certainly not going to be friendly with him now.]

--I-I--A-A-Ah--

[He closes his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut. Don't think about the fact that you're being filmed. Don't think about how everyone checking the terminals can watch your red face blubbering about your horrible mistakes. Which they are already judging you viciously for, by the way. Just ignore that for a minute. Right.]

...S-Some...s-s-s-something-- [Rick grinds on that first syllable a few more times through his teeth, falters, gives up.] --I-I m-m-mean--l-last--th--there--th--u-um--

[He can't do this. Rick swipes off his glasses and buries his face in his hand, taking several deep, long breaths. When he speaks again, his words are still muffled in his palm.]

...I-I've m-made...a m-m-mistake...

[The blonde man sits in front of the terminal for some time thereafter, as if he's going to try and continue, but when the words don't come he quickly reaches over and turns off the feed.]

[He doesn't stay to look at replies to his post--the idea of other people commenting on that embarrassing display almost makes him sick. Instead, he stumbles back to his quiet, dark room on the first floor and curls up in his bed.]

Comments

[Action]

[stitchedupbodyguard]

[There were many things Veronica had missed in the time following her death at Jason's hands. She had missed the events of which Rick was apologizing, but she could already tell that something was wrong and she needed to investigate.

After a moment of replying, and not getting a reply, she quickly made her way to the man's room. She knocked lightly on the door.]

...R-rick? Are y-you in t-there?

[bashfulshifter]

[Not checking up on Veronica...that was one of the many mistakes Rick thinks of when he hears her voice behind the door. Selfishly going about his business, his tasks, telling himself that everyone came back and they would all recover well...things were so hectic that he couldn't even send a note of thanks for Veronica's present, or make a present in return.]

[Rick sits up and stares at the Chocobo feather-stuffed pillow resting on top of the standard one. He doesn't want her to see him like this. He owes it to her to make her happy. But pushing her away...that won't do, either.]

[There's a long span of silence after Veronica knocks. Then, faintly from within: ]

...Yes.

[stitchedupbodyguard]

[She hasn't seen him for so long. Veronica was sure enough that he had gotten the present she had made, how could he have not? It wasn't like she was expecting much in return, what with everything that was happening but... this level of solitude wasn't boding well for her.

She stands there in silence, trying to pick up if he said anything else.]

...Do... I-is it okay I-if I c-come in?

[bashfulshifter]

[There's another significantly long pause. Then, without warning, the door quietly pops open.]

[Rick's been keeping things fairly dark, and the room is peculiarly unkempt, at least by his usual meticulous standards. The blonde man himself is just about as dingy as the room--still in his pajamas which smell stale from constant wear, clearly unwashed and unshaven for several days, with red-rimmed blank eyes that don't seem to register Veronica is there for some moments after he sees her.]

[Eventually Rick seems to realize what he's doing. He drags a hand over his face, sighs deeply, then steps out of the way so Veronica can come inside.]

[video]

[notsogrimreaper]

[Ryoji doesn't look at most of the video. Listening is hard enough. Hearing how miserable Rick sounds, how apologetic for something he had no control over... Ryoji made his life hell. Probably killed him; Nyx didn't bother to check if any of her vessels were dead or just incapacitated when they collapsed. He had been so nice to Ryoji, making him that scarf and talking to him and... this was how Ryoji repaid that. By getting him involved in something Ryoji had wanted to fight himself, and causing him to lose control over his own thoughts. Ryoji may have suffered that loss a few times, but it was different for Rick, who had only been here a short time. Ryoji could try to get over it... Rick probably didn't know where to start.]

It... It wasn't your fault. The mistake was all mine for making them want revenge.

...Please just talk to me. You don't have to blame yourself. Let me explain.

[text]

[bashfulshifter]

[The reply comes several hours later.]

I won't ever blame you for this--and I won't force you to tell me what happened. This has caused you enough pain already.

[text]

[notsogrimreaper]

If you want me to I'll tell you.

I've already told the people who're important to me.

And even if you weren't my friend you were involved. You deserve to know if you want to listen.

[text]

[bashfulshifter]

[Another long pause follows.]

If it means I can help you later on, and if you're willing to tell me...what makes you most comfortable?

video;

[slightlyoblivious]

...I know how you feel, but a few people have already told me not to blame myself. It's hard not to, but please try.

[text]

[bashfulshifter]

[Several hours later, when Rick gathers the nerve to actually reply to things: ]

...This has happened before. I promised everyone it wouldn't happen again, and I failed. I can't lie and say that wasn't my fault. I'm sorry.

[text]

[slightlyoblivious]

You don't have to apologize to me. It wasn't your fault. If anything, I have my share of the blame too. I should have done more to protect everyone, and I didn't.

[text]

[bashfulshifter]

I should have done more, too. There are so many ways this could have been avoided...and I didn't have the foresight to do any of them. I should have known better.

[action]

[fragileprophet]

[Ion has noticed that Rick's barely left his bed for going on a week now. How could he not when they share the same dorm? As preoccupied as Ion had been lately, he can't help but be worried. He's seen Rick do this before, after all, but having let it go on without trying to really talk go him for so long...Ion fears that this may be much, much worse than before.

He's not sure what else he can say to Rick that he hasn't said before. He wasn't about to go on without at least trying, mind you.

So this day, Ion brings with him a tray containing a bowl of tomato soup and a bottle of water. Gently, he places the it down on Rick's bedside table, concern knitted across his face.]

It might be a bit cold...[The elevator ride had been a half an hour, after all.]...but I thought you should try and eat something.

[bashfulshifter]

[Rick doesn't roll over to look at what's been given to him, although he can smell that it's food, and he can hear that it's from Ion. He isn't surprised that his roommate, as kindhearted as he is, has thought to care for him--still, the prospect of telling him what's transpired makes Rick feel too sick to take advantage of his generosity.]

...Th--Thank you.

[He doesn't move. Cradled loosely in his hands, between his face and the wall, is a small, feather-stuffed pillow, which Ion might recognize as a more recent acquisition. Rick stares and listlessly strokes it with his thumbs.]

[fragileprophet]

There's no need to thank me. [Although he knows that Rick can't see it, Ion gives a small smile.] It's what friends are for...isn't it?

[Not sure what to say, and feeling wrong for simply watching the older man where he lays, Ion retreats to his own bed at the other corner of the room and sits.]

I'm sure you don't want to talk about what happened, and I wouldn't want to force you. [Ion reaches for his staff, his own newly-acquired item from home, and turns it over in his hands.] I just thought you should know that I'm worried.

[Death being irrelevant here or not, it hurt Ion to see his roommate suffer so, especially by his own hand.]

[bashfulshifter]

[Rick is quiet for a while longer, content with staring at the pillow and the wall behind it. He isn't sure how to respond; of course Ion is worried, and of course he would try to help, but Rick doesn't know how to fix that. He's not sure he could fix that if he tried. His mind is too numb to think of reassurances, muscles too weak to force a smile. Just about all he can manage is a sigh, as heavy as the blanket of exhaustion trapping him in his bed.]

[Eventually the words happen on their own, though they're intended for the speaker rather than the green-haired child on the other side of the room: ]

...M-Me t-t-too...

video;

[bydefacto]

Huh, Rick? Are you okay? What happened?

[text]

[bashfulshifter]

[Several hours later: ]

Don't worry about it, Sealand. I'll be okay soon.

[He doesn't want to involve the child in something as distressing as the Nyx battle...as much as it pains him to spout uncertainties in the meanwhile. As miserable as he feels right now, Rick really isn't sure he'll be able to fully recover from this.]

[text]

[bydefacto]

okay.

if you wanna ride my hamster you can. it cheers me up when I'm sad.

[text]

[bashfulshifter]

Thank you. Are you sure Roy won't mind?

[text]

[fionnuisce]

It's not your fault.

[text]

[bashfulshifter]

[Some time later: ]

I don't understand how it can't be.

[text]

[fionnuisce]

Because it simply isn't. Would you have done any of that or hurt anyone willingly? I highly doubt as much.

I won't allow anyone to blame you, Diarmuid, Ryoji, or any of the others for what's transpired. Only Sephiroth and his merry gang of sociopaths are at fault.

video;

[flarefor_beauty]

[Lysandre recognises the man from before, as he helped fix the broken machine of his. Or attempted to. If it flew now, he didn't even know.]

What mistake?

[text]

[bashfulshifter]

[Rick's reply happens several hours later, and after quite a lot of deliberation.]

...There was a fight, last week--but it happened against our will. I caused problems for my friends and I couldn't do anything about it.