animus_network | [video/action]

[Now this is unusual--the blonde man is on camera! Although it should be easy to figure out that whatever extenuating circumstances have driven him to this were not kind; unkempt, unshaven, blue eyes dead and glistening with tears, his appearance screams of a man in mourning who hasn't left his room for almost a week. And this is, indeed, the case.]

[A text apology would be the path of least resistance, but the last time he tried that people got angry at him, and he's sure that they're all angry enough with him as it is. He wants them to see how sorry he is, even if he's feeling too miserable to leave the first floor dorms. It's about all he can manage.]

[...If even that. Cameras have never agreed with Rick, and as he opens his mouth to try and speak, he realizes that they're certainly not going to be friendly with him now.]

--I-I--A-A-Ah--

[He closes his mouth and squeezes his eyes shut. Don't think about the fact that you're being filmed. Don't think about how everyone checking the terminals can watch your red face blubbering about your horrible mistakes. Which they are already judging you viciously for, by the way. Just ignore that for a minute. Right.]

...S-Some...s-s-s-something-- [Rick grinds on that first syllable a few more times through his teeth, falters, gives up.] --I-I m-m-mean--l-last--th--there--th--u-um--

[He can't do this. Rick swipes off his glasses and buries his face in his hand, taking several deep, long breaths. When he speaks again, his words are still muffled in his palm.]

...I-I've m-made...a m-m-mistake...

[The blonde man sits in front of the terminal for some time thereafter, as if he's going to try and continue, but when the words don't come he quickly reaches over and turns off the feed.]

[He doesn't stay to look at replies to his post--the idea of other people commenting on that embarrassing display almost makes him sick. Instead, he stumbles back to his quiet, dark room on the first floor and curls up in his bed.]

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[Rick is also silent--though not out of discomfort, but disbelief. Ryoji is...Death? Somehow? How does that even work? How can someone embody Death itself? How can that person be a kindhearted child who likes scarves?]

[Rick slowly shakes his head, eyes wide and befuddled. He doesn't know what to say.]

[Ryoji sees that look of disbelief, and can only offer a weak smile. He isn’t really surprised; when he found out it actually made a lot of sense. But he can understand that it’s overwhelming, so he’s going to leave out the part about the choice Minato had to make.]

In my world, people were welcoming, wishing for death, and that’s why I was present there. I found out much later that I was to bring Nyx into this world, and she would bring about the Fall. The end of everything… Long story short, I eventually became what you saw: the Avatar of Nyx, sent to fulfill her purpose. In any world I’m present in, if the despair and hopelessness become too much, Nyx is summoned again. She still has control over me here… and there’s nothing I can do about that.

[Rick continues to shake his head, burying his face in his hands. He understands enough to get the important parts. Primarily: ]

...S-So...w-w-we--the o-ones that G-G-Gan--Ganon-- [The name just about makes him choke.] --we...d-d-drove you t-to this...?

[Ryoji’s eyes widen, and he suddenly leans forward, shaking his head rapidly and grabbing hold of Rick’s arm. He isn’t thinking about personal space or the level of comfort Rick has around him or anything like that… all he can see right now is a person who is hurting, and Ryoji can’t bear to look at that any longer.]

No! No, that’s not it at all… You didn’t drive me to this, it was just the emotions you felt instinctively. Sometimes we just don’t think… there’s always a moment where we want to give up before we convince ourselves not to. It’s instinct, and I don’t blame you. It’s my fault. My existence was meant to be a ‘gift’, but it’s more like a punishment to humans for thinking in ways they can’t control. It’s unfair, and cruel.

[As miserable as he feels, seeing Ryoji so uncomfortable does wonders for his clarity of mind--though the fact that the kid has a vice-grip on his forearm is somewhat alarming and makes him involuntarily jump where he sits.]

--N-No--no, y-you c-c-can't-- [He shakes his head vehemently.] --y-you c-can't ch--change w-who you a-are. I-I'll n-never--n-no one w-will ever b-b-blame you f-f-for that.

[He slowly releases Ricks arm, retreating back in on himself and laughing softly as he considers what Rick has said.]

You'd be surprised. Sometimes people will find ways to blame those at fault without looking at the bigger picture... and besides, I know the truth. I know that although not all of it is my doing, I did contribute to it. I couldn't control myself well enough, and even if I can't change who I am, I did have a duty to carry out, one that I didn't try to fight.

[Rick continues to shake his head with stubborn disbelief. Ryoji isn't allowed to be so self-deprecating--not when Rick fought so hard to save him. Even if neither of them were in their right mind at the time.]

[Because if Ryoji can't accept what he's done...how is Rick supposed to do the same?]

...N-Not...not h-here. [His voice is small, desperate and weak.] N-No one h-here...y-your l-life means s-s-so m-much more than th--that.

[If Ryoji knew it was so important to Rick’s well being that he accept what happened, he would at least pretend to be comfortable with what happened, to like himself. Right now, though, it’s slipping out without a second thought. Ryoji’s always felt that way about himself… people scolding him for thinking that way only added fuel to it. If they were angry at him, he could believe that he was right, that he wasn’t meant to live since he always made people so upset.]

Yes, here too… I’m sorry to say it, but I wasn’t meant to live, so there isn’t much reason I should exist. It’s just simple fact.

[Ryoji won't get anger, but he will get frustration. Rick stands up.]

--Th--That's n-not t-true! [A substantial amount of flustered stammering later, Rick figures out how to follow that claim up.] ...They--Th--They w-w-wouldn't h-have m-m-made you if y-you w-w-weren't m-meant to l-live. I-It d-d-doesn't--m-make any s-s-sense!

[The laugh that slips from Ryoji’s mouth is bitter.]

So, tell me. You’re saying that Death itself should have been made by humans? Do you believe that Death was meant to live? In my opinion, Death is an important concept, but humanity’s desire to create it only shows that the world I was in had some deep issues with its society.

[Rick feels like he's treading water--or trying to and failing miserably at it. His voice is feeble and faltering, more so than usual.]

I-It...it d-d-doesn't m-matter if i-it w-was m-m-meant to... [The strength leaves him suddenly and he slumps in place.] ...y-you're h-here, and you're i-i-important...that's a-all that m-m-matters...r-right?

...I’m sorry. I know how hard this is for you to accept. I must be bothering you. We don’t need to talk about this any longer, alright?

[He’s not agreeing with Rick at all, but there’s no way to refute the questions when every answer Ryoji gives just seems to make Rick more upset. He’ll stay quiet now, though only for his worry over Rick.]

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