002 ♑ [second honk]

[hystericull]

HoLy mOtHeRfUcK, tOwEr pEePs
OkAy a bRoThEr gOt a fEw tHiNgS To gEt aLl oUt hIs cHuTe
FiRsT ThInG To bE AlL SpEwInG At tO ThIs sCrEeN Be

Uh

UhHh

Oh fUcK, oKaY I AlL FoRgEt wHaT ThE FiRsT MoThErFuCkEr wAs sUpPoSeD To bE BeInG
BuT ThE SeCoNd hAs tO AlL Do wItH ThIs dOpE FuCkIn pIeCe oF ArChItEcTuRaL BeAuTy
WhAt's tO Be gEtTiNg iTs mOsT WiCkEd oF ChIlLs oN RiGhT Up iN ThIs fUcKiN HaLlWaY
ChEcK ThIs sHiT OuT, mOtHeRfUcKeRs

[The video flicks on, a pair of gray hands fumbling with it for a second, then moving away to reveal an enormous pile of bike horns, pretty obnoxiously obstructing a majority of the top-floor dormitory hallway. Two large, orange-yellow goat horns zip in front of the picture as the author of the post begins chattering away instead of continuing to type.]

So like, I all thought to my fuckin' self, why this motherfucker gotta be holing up all in the crazy room by his lonesome with all these bitches when he could be all to getting his ass out at where there be more motherfuckers to all share them honk horns to! I got pies and Faygo, too.

[He pauses, straightening up so he's speaking directly in to the camera. Now visible, this troll comes complete with a monochromatic clown face and an untamed mass of gravity-defying black curls. He holds up a tin of green slime and a Redpop Faygo to lend credibility to his promise of refreshments. Long, stained fangs flash intermittently as he continues his advertisement.]

Uhhhhhh, and, uh. Oh, fuck yeah. Someone gone and stuck this motherfuckin' tower in the damn thermal hull, I think. So any motherfucker what's up for takin' their harshest of toasty snoozes all on at this fuckin' location be only have to fork up some to-be-determined currency. Once I all, uh, find out what this place all to be using for some such of things.

[A pause. His half-lidded, glassy eyes stare into the camera disconcertingly for a very uncomfortable length of time.]

Oh. Uh. ...That be all, motherfuckers! Get at me! Honk!

Comments

[cantstopme]

You haven't had the hot chocolate-y stuff?

[That's... actually not very surprising, but still very wrong!!]

It's really warm and really sweet, and me and the princess like it a lot! I think you would like it too, Gamzee!

[hystericull]

[Squinting suspiciously...]

...Fuckin' hot? Alls I ever was to be having is fuckin' Faygo, dogg. [A pause.] And, uh, seawater I guess but that wasn't all on motherfucking purpose, I think.

[cantstopme]

Then you should try it!

It's really good, I promise. I wouldn't tell you to try something if it wasn't, you know.

[And a pause as well.]

.... Eww, you drank seawater?

[hystericull]

Awww, you get all like that and no brother can be at resisting whatever this hot shit be. All right, motherfucker, I'm fuckin' down!

[He makes a face, a long, purple tongue stretching out of his mouth and down his chin in disgust.]

Eghhh, not on fuckin' purpose, at least. Motherfucker get all to be having too much excitement goin' on and being at flopping all in the fuckin' deep parts of the wicked ocean, is what happens, sometimes. ...Lots of times.

[cantstopme]

[He smiles and takes Gamzee's hand then, to lead him to the cafeteria.]

I've done stuff like that lots of times... sometimes the sea rocked too much, and I fell out of the boat.

Blech.

[An accidental mouthful of seawater is terrible.]

[hystericull]

[He follows happily, because fuck if he remembers the way back to the cafeteria.]

Fuck yeah, dude. Think I all getting my spot on at the lusus all out there far away like, so a motherfucker all like, trip all up in his feet and dunk his fuckin' self. Or them spots sometimes where the beach all drops all out like, "fuckin' peace, motherfuckers," and gets its leave on so what's all there be just a big hole for water...

[He stops, looking back at the pile.]

Oh, oh fuck, hang on, bro!

[Letting go of Link's hand and popping a fat, purple marker conveniently out of his pocket, he proceeds to scribble "bAcK In mOtHeRfUcKiNg fIvE, bRoS AnD BiTcHeS. :o)" on the wall above the pile.]

[cantstopme]

...

[Wow, that has another word he doesn't understand. But he can always ask what a bitch is later.

Instead, he just makes a grabby hand for Gamzee's hand again, and gives the other a smile.]

[hystericull]

[Slipping the marker back into his pocket and his hand back into Link's, fully satisfied with his "out-to-lunch" notice.]

What princess you be to all gettin' your wicked chatter on about, li'l bro?

[cantstopme]

Zelda!

[He toddles forward then, leading the other to the cafeteria once more with a big smile on his face.]

She's very strong, kind, and wise, and she's the princess of Hyrule.
You have to be really polite around her if you meet her, okay? She's royalty!

[hystericull]

[He grins as well. It's a long way down to the cafeteria from here, so he tries focusing on what he's being told.]

Whoaaa, really? We got our fuckin' selves a princess sister what's like your girly, I motherfuckin' think.

[A pause.]

Oh, uh, huh? What do I gotta be all to do?