002 ♑ [second honk]

[hystericull]

HoLy mOtHeRfUcK, tOwEr pEePs
OkAy a bRoThEr gOt a fEw tHiNgS To gEt aLl oUt hIs cHuTe
FiRsT ThInG To bE AlL SpEwInG At tO ThIs sCrEeN Be

Uh

UhHh

Oh fUcK, oKaY I AlL FoRgEt wHaT ThE FiRsT MoThErFuCkEr wAs sUpPoSeD To bE BeInG
BuT ThE SeCoNd hAs tO AlL Do wItH ThIs dOpE FuCkIn pIeCe oF ArChItEcTuRaL BeAuTy
WhAt's tO Be gEtTiNg iTs mOsT WiCkEd oF ChIlLs oN RiGhT Up iN ThIs fUcKiN HaLlWaY
ChEcK ThIs sHiT OuT, mOtHeRfUcKeRs

[The video flicks on, a pair of gray hands fumbling with it for a second, then moving away to reveal an enormous pile of bike horns, pretty obnoxiously obstructing a majority of the top-floor dormitory hallway. Two large, orange-yellow goat horns zip in front of the picture as the author of the post begins chattering away instead of continuing to type.]

So like, I all thought to my fuckin' self, why this motherfucker gotta be holing up all in the crazy room by his lonesome with all these bitches when he could be all to getting his ass out at where there be more motherfuckers to all share them honk horns to! I got pies and Faygo, too.

[He pauses, straightening up so he's speaking directly in to the camera. Now visible, this troll comes complete with a monochromatic clown face and an untamed mass of gravity-defying black curls. He holds up a tin of green slime and a Redpop Faygo to lend credibility to his promise of refreshments. Long, stained fangs flash intermittently as he continues his advertisement.]

Uhhhhhh, and, uh. Oh, fuck yeah. Someone gone and stuck this motherfuckin' tower in the damn thermal hull, I think. So any motherfucker what's up for takin' their harshest of toasty snoozes all on at this fuckin' location be only have to fork up some to-be-determined currency. Once I all, uh, find out what this place all to be using for some such of things.

[A pause. His half-lidded, glassy eyes stare into the camera disconcertingly for a very uncomfortable length of time.]

Oh. Uh. ...That be all, motherfuckers! Get at me! Honk!

Comments

[forever troll text]

[chronomancer]

[I'm sorry text cannot properly transmit sheer disbelieving deadpan.]

...so youre
rentin
a pile a horns
did i get that right

[Switching back to text.]

[hystericull]

[Eridan deadpan is the best deadpan tbh.]

YeAhHh bRo yOu gOt tHaT ShIt mOtHeRfUcKiNg aLl cLeAr aS WhAt's sOmEtHiNg tHaT'S ThE FuCkIn' ClEaReSt sHiT To eVeR AlL Be
YoU AlL NeEdInG ThIs mOtHeRfUcKeR To bE AlL SpInNiNg sOmE DiReCtIoNs aT YoUr wAy, DoGg?

Re: [Switching back to text.]

[chronomancer]

[What can I say, he's got plenty of experience.]

ah
no
i dont think so
not that i evven anythin to pay you wwith

[hystericull]

Aw cOmE OnNnNn
BaD LuCk tO Be aLl dEnYiNg tHeM StRoNgEsT Of fUcKiN UrGeS
To tAkE A DiVe oN In tHiS BiTcH
HaHaHaHa dIvE, gEt iT, bRo?
Oh wAiT, fUcK
YoU AiN'T AlL To bE HaViNg tHe sAmE PuRpLy pUrPlE As wHaT'S My oThEr bRo gOt
Oh sHiT, mAn
ThAt mEaN I FiNaLlY Be gEtTiNg mY WiCkEd mEeT On oF ThEm cRaZy cOlOr fLoPpEd mOtHeRfUcKeRs, MaYbE?

screw that he saw this and came running

[cantstopme]

[HORN PILE NAP. Link is all about horn pile naps now, that was the toastiest of snoozes!!!


Oh and have a hug around your leg as a greeting, Gamzee. c:]

What are you doing, Gamzee?

LMFAO PRECIOUS BABY

[hystericull]

[Honks of surprise as his leg is clamped with an Unknown Thing! Looking down in alarm quickly makes him realize that this is not an Unknown Thing, but a very Known Thing that happens to be his little buddy!]

Heeeey, Linkbro! I's all just got done lettin' all these other Tower motherfuckers get their know on about the pile being all having its fuckin' self out in the open here. 'Case any brothers or sisters be wanting to hop on in for a snooze, or some shit what's like that.

[Have a hat ruffle, too! And a big ol' grin!]

[cantstopme]

Oh... your letting people borrow your horns?

[... He might just... gingerly reach a toe out and... honk one.
While still hugging onto Gamzee of course.]

I remember when you let me nap on them, they weren't too bad for a bed.
Is napping the only thing you use them for?

[hystericull]

Uhh, well, renting them, what's it more to be motherfuckin' like. Hornpile-keeper is a fuckin' thing that just is all for this motherfucker to be havin' flow all up in his jelly, what's for sure!

[He looks over to the pile fondly, scooping up a stray horn and handing it to Link to honk away at.]

This one be on the house, little bro.

[video]

[floreatnoctem]

...what... is it that you're trying to convey?

[She... doesn't understand...]

[Video.]

[hystericull]

[Oh, hello, Chidori! There's suddenly a redheaded girl with lots of bows and frills talking at him, and he only spaces out for a little bit before noticing she's there.]

Oh, uh... huh?

[Blinking dumbly now, waving at the monitor. You're supposed to wave at the camera, Gamzee.]

Hey, pinky sister! I be all sending out a motherfuckin' invite to all you peeps to come get your wicked zone on atop what's was the most fuckin' coveted of nap spots in all the motherfucking Veil. ...But, uh, now's all relocated to here, I guess.

[He stares off, pondering this.]

[Video.]

[floreatnoctem]

How unusual. You're inviting me to sleep on your pile?

[She has the gist of piles, kind of. If what she's managed to glean from Dualscar means much (no, it really doesn't). Still...]

You said it was a... horn pile?

[Wouldn't that be kind of... uncomfortable? And loud? At least the book piles could be arranged into something throne-like.]

[hystericull]

[He nods enthusiastically, gesturing to the pile behind him once more.]

Fuck yeah, sis, you fuckin' got that shit! A nap or a zone, brother ain't getting to be all discriminating on what all a prospective motherfuckin' pile tenant's gotta all up and crank outta their system.

[He smiles, more like baring his teeth than anything else.]

Payment accepted in full or fuckin' installments of a littler nature, if that be how you wanna roll with the shit! Honk!

[Video]

[lordoffabulous]

[ SCOFF.

So, Gamzee. Your torture, is not over. However, you might find a little present in your stuff. Yeah, someone made you a NOT UGLY SWEATER. ]

Currency... I don't believe there is one, to be truthful. Speaking of which, if your inane speech is to be deciphered as I have guessed, Makara... try not to freeze.

[ Yeah yeah shh shh he made you a sweater okay don't say anything. ]

[Video.] ALSO THAT IS A $300 SWEATER L M F A O

[hystericull]

[Seeing Ghirahim's face pop up on the screen makes him beam. Look, look, it's the roommate!!! He waves to the monitor lazily.]

Heyyy, blockmate dudeeee! You be all like, the mystical motherfucking 12th Perigree brother what's all gone to left this brother a motherfuckin' warmest of torso-sleeves?

[EVERYONE IS GIVING HIM CLOTHES HE'S SO.......HAPPY......]

Oh, oh, hold up, man! Hang on a fuckin' second, for real!

[He holds up a finger to the camera, then practically busts his ass scrambling out of the chair and in to their room, which he'd decided to put the giant pile directly in front of.

Five minutes later, because he got distracted.

He walks back out, looking like he's gotten smacked over the head with a mallet. Can't resist a pie-break when you've got someone waiting on the other end. Classy.

But he's sitting back down, wiping slime from his mouth and staring even more stupidly at the camera as he was before. He's wearing the sweater Ghirahim had left him, but it's inside-out.]

Thanks so fuckin' much, bro. I ain't all like, half as motherfucking chilly as what's a brother was once to motherfuckin' be.

[Video] SHH IT'S THE ~THOUGHT~ THAT COUNTS LMFAO

[lordoffabulous]

[ The classiest.

But he finds himself scoffing again, if lightly. ]

It's inside-out.

[ ... That's a 'yes'. ]

[hystericull]

Whuh... huh?

[Looking down at the shirt, now.]

How you all supposed to motherfuckin' know that if there ain't no shit at the outside to be all tellin' a brother what's the right way the shit's supposed to all be at? Alls these sides look the motherfuckin' same to me, yo.

[empurress]

:ε ~the empurress of the waves (and efurrything else) regards the message with interest and maybe a little confusion~
(:ε ~because even if the writing and speaking and looking is kind of like her jungley lion furrend the color is all wrong!!~
:ε ~but she still giggles a bit because maybe its just that indigo bloods like sopor pies no matter who you are!~
:ε ~ is this clamzee???

[Video for now. At least, until he can brain.]

[hystericull]

[He stares at the text for a long while, utterly purrplexed perplexed. Ne...peta? Fe...feri...? WHICH ONE IS IT HE CAN'T... THINK??? So, his eyes cross, then one drifts to the other side. His mouth opens slowly in confusion.]

Whuuuuhhhhhh... who...

[Squinting, now. At least his eyes are facing the same way this time.]

...Ne...peta?

[Video]

[empurress]

*That sure is Nepeta on the video. Except she's all pink. And finny.* Of course, shelly!

Who else would I be??

[orphans]

[why are you disgusting]

And here I thought my descendants to be lamentable.
I'm sure you'll soon be the Highblood's spitting image, howwevver.

[Text. Please forgive him, Dualscar. Or not.]

[hystericull]

FuCkKk, HeY FiShBrO! WhAt tHe mOtHeRfUcK BeEn uP WiTh a mOtHeRfUcKeR, dOgG?
GoT My hEaR On yOu wAs aLl tO Be iN ThIs wIcKeD MoThErFuCkEr bUt i aIn't gOt tO Be sEeInG YoU YeT

WhOa yOu aLl mEt tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg hIgHbLoOd, ToO?
CrAzY FuCkIn sHiT WhAt bE ThEm aNcEsToRs aLl cReEpIn oN ThIs pLaCe
Oh fUcK, uHh
I GoT A MeSsAgE FrOm fEfErI, i tHiNk
OnLy sHe wAs aLl tO Be uSiNg kItTy pUnS
So, MaYbE It aLl lIkE, wAsN'T HeR
UnLeSs
ShE GoT A ThInG FoR CaTs nOw iNsTeAd oF FiShEs
Or sOmE ShIt wHaT'S To bE LiKe tHaT
HoNk

[Text. askdj ahahaha]

[orphans]

WWe're acquaintances, you could say.
Yes, it seems you really are quite alike. A little less unwwashed, a touch

stupider.


Unfortunately, I am not your fishbro-- thus this "Feferi" means vvery little to me outside of ensuring she's culled.

SLAMS INTO GENTLY

[fabricates]

Oh my god, Makara.
Don't 8e stupid. You can't feed the humans sopor slime.

MY BABYYYY <333

[hystericull]

Oh, UhHhHh, I CaN'T?
WhY ThE MoThErFuCk nOt? :o(

DARLINGGG

[fabricates]

8ecause humans are different. It could proooooooo8a8ly kill them, if we're 8eing honest!
I dou8t their systems could handle it. They're pretty squishy and weak.