animus_network | [002 ★ text ★ crazy backdated to before the moving event]

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[ou] willow rosenberg

[002 ★ text ★ crazy backdated to before the moving event]

Someone told me that all of the trolls are having trouble sleeping here. I think I can help.

I've made sleep satchets before, these little things that you put under your pillow and guarantee pleasant dreams for a couple months before they run out. The problem is that I only came with so many spell ingredients in my trunk, so unless I can find a way to replace some of this stuff, I can't make these forever.

Not that asking this question will necessarily result in anything resembling the truth, but: does anyone need one more than anyone else?

Asking all this out of the goodness of my heart and preferential treatment, I promise.

[filtered from wwaterboy]

And now to the other part of this post. Also to trolls, sorry. If someone could explain how this matesprit thing actually compares with the human concept of romance, that would be seriously of the good, because I don't know what I'm doing here and I think I need more than the ten second summary if I am going to be doing this.

Which, let me repeat, since I don't know what I'm doing, no judging or yelling at me! I will yell back. That is so not what I need right now. I'm trying to do the right thing and honor my feelings and not stay all hung up on people that have died, which is difficult! But I've never done this "oh, and he also hatesexes someone regularly, but that's not cheating" concept before, and I want to get it right.

It seems bitchy to ask him to explain this stuff to me himself, so... advice. Please? And if you could honor the incredibly obvious filter, that would be great. Don't make me go hacker on you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

where are you?
im not exactly an expert in this stuff but i might be able to help explain things a little

That would be really appreciated. I was hoping you'd answer.

I'm in the study room level-- eighteen I think?

im on my way

[She's sitting at a study table in plain view of the staircase when Aradia gets up there. Willow is the type to wear the heart on her sleeve, and it's plain now: unsure, conflicted, but mostly earnest.]

Hi, [she says, with wide, vulnerable eyes.] I am ready to learn the ways of troll romance. School me. School is in session.

[Aradia smiles when she sees Willow; as Willow launches straight into the discussion of romance, she figures it's better for her to do the same]

Okay, so. It sounds like you know a little already. At least, you know about the two concupiscent quadrants. I don't really understand how human romance works, but I can explain our own. But first, it would help to know what you know, exactly.

[Yeahhh it's pretty easy to tell how preoccupied she is when she moves right from "hi" to "tell me all your secrets".]

Um... what I know, right. I know the words for three of them-- matesprit, moirail, kismesis. And that matesprits are mostly what I think of as being girlfriends, or-- boyfriends, and moirails are like platonic soulmate friends, which I totally get and have no trouble understanding.

And if I kind of think of kismesis as how Buffy and Spike used to be even that makes a little sense. It seems like dating but with hatred, and... arguing? But otherwise it's really a lot like dating, and I don't get how that's supposed to work when you also have matesprits.

... Okay, breathing now.

[Aradia nods and considers]

Okay. Well, the fourth isn't really relevant for now unless you're planning black romance with someone else's kismesis which I find unlikely. Although, admittedly, I wasn't sure humans were even capable of black romance at all so maybe I might stand to be corrected.

Anyway, concupiscent nature aside, kismesissitude and matespritship aren't the same thing. And a kismesis is more than just someone you argue with. It's...have you ever hated someone so much that you wanted to hit them and kiss them at the same time?

[Not that it's that simple but she's using her own experience as a basis and that's...flawed to say the least]

Humans aren't too hot on black romance, you're right. Lady Gaga aside. I wouldn't call it impossible, but me, personally?

Not so much with the wanting to kiss people I hate. Mostly I just want to smack 'em and not deal with them again. A friend of mine had something like that going on, but... it just-- didn't seem healthy.

Perhaps it's not, for humans. For us it's just the way things are...the way they have to be. Smacking someone and not wanting to deal with them again is a more platonic kind of hate for us...kismesis is really someone you hate too much to want them dead. Usually it stems from some form of rivallry but it can strike in some pretty unusual situations.

Anyway, I guess the best I can suggest is to remember than for us, our romances are based on one emotion and that's it. It's pity or hate. Not to say it doesn't get confused sometimes because it does. But you have to just accept that they're two very different feelings alltogether and that just because a troll has a kismesis, that doesn't - or shouldn't - affect their feelings of pity for their matesprit.

[Aradia's already hitting on most of her major concerns, so this gives her a lot to think about. Hate too much to want them dead? Hmmm. Willow tries to absorb all of this.

Plus she's somehow missed being told about this pity stuff before.] Someone made that clear to me earlier, [she admits.] How having a kismesis doesn't effect your relationship with your matesprit. I... think I kinda get it.

But why is the alternative to hatred something like pity? Wouldn't it be love?

[Aradia smiles]

That's good. I've never really been in that situation, so it's hard for me to offer anything more specific.

[At the question, she just shrugs]

That's not really something that happens with us. I'm not sure why that's the way we are but for romance it's either hate or pity. But hey, for all I know our version of pity may not be the same as yours.

So you've never had a kismesis? [This part Willow mostly wants to know because she likes to know important things about her friends.]

I feel like it has to be, because... pity sorta implies that you think they're worth less than you are. I just don't see how that's sexy. [Her brow's furrowed as if she's trying to figure it out.]

[She glances away at that]

Well no...I mean yes, kind of. You know how I said sometimes the two get confused? Well sometimes, if one person really hates someone and that someone really pities the first person, they sort of...flip between kismesissitude and matespritship. It's a long story but basically I had that sort of thing with the troll who gave me my robot body.

[A slight shrug at that]

Well I'm not sure it's that, exactly. I guess we just don't interact with each other in the same way humans do.

That does sound complicated, [she says sympathetically, noticing that glance away and not wanting to pry too hard.] Not that I'm a stranger to complicated relationships, but that sounds rough to deal with. Especially if he... um. Robot body? [How else do you even suggest the implication she's suggesting? Willow just can't disassociate robot versions from Buffybot, and wasn't that a train wreck all around.]

This question is probably impossible to answer, but have you noticed any, you know, glaring differences that I should be aware of? [Earnest look. This is just the sort of stuff Willow wants to know. It's vitally important to having properly romantic dates, and darn it, but that's her favorite part!]

[She gives a light shrug. As far as she's concerned, whatever messed-up thing she had going on with Equius died when her robot self exploded, so talking about it isn't as awkward as it might have been]

Well. After I died, one of the blue-blood trolls made me a new body...only he gave it blue blood rather than my own colour...do you know about the trolls becoming more violent the further up the spectrum you go? And he installed some sort of chip that would make me have flushed feelings for him, so I tore that out of my chest as soon as I found out...then I beat him up and then, for reasons I'm still not entirely sure of, I ended up kissing him. So that turned out to be a thing for a while.

[And boy is she glad that is no longer the case. At Willow's latter question, she takes a moment to consider]

Well, overall I've noticed you seem to be a lot less...angry, I guess? And more emotional...or rather you seem to have a much broader range than we do. Though maybe that's just the humans I've met so far, which really isn't many.

I've heard that they do, yeah. --He installed what? Who is this guy? [Willow is just deeply offended on your behalf, Aradia.] Ugh. Something similar happened to Buffy, and it was just as skeevy then.

[A broader range? Hmmm.] It's an interesting idea, but I guess I'm a little hesitant to say something like you don't feel as many things as we do. I'll have to give it some thought.

[She gives a wry smile at that]

His name's Equius. He's not here, as far as I know...wait, your friend was a robot?

[This is interesting to her, mostly because it means no more talking about Equius]

Well, it's possible we just don't have as many words for these things. I'm sure it'll become clearer the more we interact.

There was a robot that was designed to look and act like her, [she clarifies, going easily with the subject change and filing away the name Equius.] The acting wasn't exactly successful. This vampire that was obsessed with her had it made in order to... um. Let's just say your flushed thing applies.

I guess it's silly to get too worked up over the details. It's either going to happen, or it won't... right?

Oh...oh, I think I understand. I guess at least in her case it was just a robot that looked like her rather than being her? Though...sorry, vampire? I don't think I know that term...is it a type of demon?

[She nods at that last part]

One thing I've learned over the sweeps. The timeline will play out as it wishes. We can worry about it or we can accept it and prepare for the inevitable consequences.

It was more than a little creepy when they were right next to each other. I'm honestly not sure which way is worse. Oh-- vampire, yeah, it's like when someone dies but doesn't stay dead, and now they're a blood-sucking, amoral, bad-dressing monster.

[She echoes her words,] The timeline will play out as it wishes... That's a good way to put it. Unfortunately none of us have ever really been good at just accepting out destinies.

Yes, I expect that must have been strange...though honestly now, I just think I've had so many forms that it's mostly not such a big deal.

[Her expression lights up in understanding as she explains vampires]

Oh, you mean rainbow drinkers! Kanaya's always really loved reading about those. Though, I expect she wouldn't so much if she knew about the badly-dressed part.

[She gives a soft, knowing smile] I think it's in the nature of all living things who are aware enough to understand these things to try and escape what they don't like. But often, the mere act of trying to avoid fate is the trigger for that future to happen.

As long as you're okay with it, [she says in conclusion, if a bit doubtfully.]

Kanaya has? I guess I'll talk to her about it. --Some of them aren't too badly dressed, but sadly the stereotype exists for a reason.

[As for fate and destiny... well.] See, I get that part, but in my experience what you end up with from resisting fate is still better than what you'd get if you didn't. Prophecies are always, and then she dies fighting the Master, but if you don't take that lying down, it turns out she comes back to life after. Just because prophecies have to come true doesn't mean we can't affect the parts that aren't in it.

[She gives a slight, playful smile] I'm okay with a lot of things.

Oh, yes. I'm sure she'd be fascinated to hear about your version of rainbow drinkers.

[She listens intently to Willow's comment, the undercurrent of personal experience clear but not something she wants to pry in]

That's certainly true enough. I dare say there are things we've all done that weren't what we were "supposed" to. But time can be a tricky thing to manage and paradox space is pretty unforgiving about offshoot timelines.

[pause]

Or maybe that's just our universe.

Rainbow drinkers is a funny way to put it—- oh, cause they drink all the blood colors, I get it.

I've never had to worry about paradox space before, so I wouldn't know. [Willow can't help but raise her eyebrows a little at the thought.] Sounds complicated. We've had to deal with a lot of wacky hijinks, but it's never been time travel.

[She nods]

Kanaya's the one to ask about them, really. I only know what I've been able to glean from her.

That's probably for the best. It can get pretty confusing at the best of times. A simpler universe might actually be quite nice.

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