1st Sand Coffin [Video/Action]

[fifth_kazekage]

[Gaara has read the letters, and thinks this is just another sadistic experiment at the facility. He gets up out of bed and curiously looks around the room, making a mental note of the trunk. Where is the communication device? It might have been misplaced during the transfer. He needs to find a way to access the public network.

He leaves the room and walks swiftly through the hallways in a brief exploration. Eventually, he wanders into the library and finds a computer, recognizing the electronic device from the facility. With some experience, he navigates the functions and figures out how to post a video.

He stares impassively at the screen for a few seconds.] Doctors, Consortium, Val. [Addressing all three to see which one, if any, would actually respond to his call.] This is an amateur tactic. Rather disappointing.

[Now, to figure out what is this week’s experiment. They’re not on schedule for an F3 expedition. Strange.]

Sai. [Brief pause.] Kankuro, Temari. Report in.

Comments

[text]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

oh shit you caught us!
after we spent all night painting the walls and setting up the beds and the lights too
do you know how long it takes to set up a tower this high?
ill tell you no one fucking slept that night
we were hoping you'd be duped for a little bit longer but i guess thats out the window

[text]

[fifth_kazekage]

[Gaara stares at the screen for a good while, trying to figure out what is this person’s intentions. He doubts the ones holding them captive would really just come out in the open like this.]

Are you exercising sarcasm?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

no seriously
its actually just a really futuristic movie set!
this studio only actually has two floors and the rooftop
they got all sorts of new physics and atmosphere engines to make it seem like youre climbing a lot of stairs when
youre not






tl;dr yes

[fifth_kazekage]

[Nothing but disbelief on this end.

What the hell…]

Is this considered a fun activity for you? Or some kind of game.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

yes
im the olympic champion three times running >:]
man have come to challenge me for the title of master of sarcastic irony
stuff
but none have succeeded
all they get is deflated egos and broken dreams

[fifth_kazekage]

You seem confident enough in yourself. Be mindful of arrogance. It can blind you to the obvious.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

bro i aint skurred
all i see here is a guy who cant appreciate the fine art of sarcasm
i am an avid connoisseur
so we seem to have a bit of an unfortunate conflict of interests

[fifth_kazekage]

[Good thing he’s had practice with siblings who were usually sarcastic and snarky as hell.]

I can, when it’s well-executed.

You do seem to specialize in certain areas, but I wouldn’t grant you this particular title.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

[OH so this guy wasn't a total stick in the mud??]

harsh bro, way harsh
i am veritable king and here you are stomping your muddy boots all around the decadent red carpet right in the middle of my castle
nay, my kingdom!
its the kind of thing you go to war over, tbh

[fifth_kazekage]

[Only 98% of the time.]

If you consider that statement to be harsh, then you are too sensitive. You need to become stronger.

If you were truly a king, then you would behave with more class.

I wouldn’t advise declaring war over petty matters.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

what if im a european king
theyve gone to war over pettier shit
like the mongols or something
those guys are totally classless
in this case i am the least petty and most classy there is

[fifth_kazekage]

I’m not familiar with European kings. However, a leader should know better than to subject his people to wartime without merit. His purpose is to serve them, rather than seek to appease his own needs.

Would you claim to be selfless?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

wartime is basically their hobby up in europe
its like they dont try and trash each other once every twenty years at LEAST and everyone gets stir crazy and they end up with the French Revolution
i am so selfless i there is no self to be less of


ok that one didn't really work
tbh i'd be a shitty king, not even gonna lie
the crown'd like break my neck or something
i'll take the wicked cool red cape though

[fifth_kazekage]

Are the inhabitants of Europe shinobi?

[He can’t picture defenseless civilians being so violent. They don’t have the power to be that aggressive or threatening. Or at least, from what he knows, because the civilians from his world are second to shinobi.]

So your body is physically weak. [Because why would the crown break his neck?]

The kings in your world wear capes? For identification purposes, I would presume.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

you mean a ninja?
did you just go weeabo on me dude?
k whatever no they're not ninjas ninjas are from japan
duuuuuuh
hey man don't diss my astounding physical prowess!
i can shoot a flying bird fifty feet in the air from my apartment window! [Blatant liiieeeees]
sometimes they do
i think they wear them cause they got cash to spend and it makes them look super special awesome

[fifth_kazekage]

Yes, ninja. [Seriously, Gaara can’t understand half the foreign terms the other person is using.] What is a weeabo?

So your world includes the country of Japan. [And based on what he remembers from being told by others…] Does it include America as well?

Physical prowess is not a requirement for accuracy. You simply need a great deal of practice. You can be physically weak and accurate at the same time.

That is a frivolous use for money. A cape is not special attire. It is just another article of clothing.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

a weeabo's an annoying kid on the internet that thinks theyre a japanese otherkin

[Jade stop using words for the love of god.]

yep
america's where i was born and raised
down south in texas in my shitty apartment with my crazy brother and his freaky smuppet toys
rulers in our history don't really give a shit about the whole frivolous spending thing
theyre not very frugal
its like the peasants are like holy shit we need bread and the guys with cash are like fuck do you think we have enough layers on our waistcoats?

[fifth_kazekage]

I see. I am not Japanese, nor do I want to be. [There is no Japan in his world, and he’s fine with being a native of Suna.

Oh, family. Interest perked.] Do you not have an amicable relationship with your brother? Is he a puppeteer?

Your country will suffer economically if this type of spending pattern continues.

It sounds as though the rich exemplify greed with their unwillingness to assist the impoverished.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

nah my bros fucking awesome
yeah hes a puppeteer he ran some website with them
coolest guy ive ever known and he could kick anyones ass with a sword even though he was raised in the middle of texas
no formal ninja training that was all skill

yeah that basically describes our world in a nutshell though!
my country didnt have any kings cause we were like fuck that shit we hate your froofy wigs
and then the rest of the world followed
so most of that stuff was in the past
but nowadays its the same basic principal
or was seeing as everythings dead now :|

[fifth_kazekage]

[Hello, other world Kankuro.]

And he is a civilian? Or a member of your country's military?

If not a king, then there must be a different kind of leader. Unless your world is run without established order.

So you believe that your world has truly been destroyed.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

not a soldier
just a badass bro that liked strifing on the rooftops

our leaders called the president
theres also a bunch of different councils of old guys that help
or dont help
idk politics suck

sure do

[fifth_kazekage]

Civilians are not usually capable of combat. Perhaps your brother acquired those skills to better ensure his survival.

I see. The council members in your world sound ineffective. [Like his own. Zing!]

Politics are complicated, but necessary.

And you don't feel any remorse?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

i guess so
he probably knew about all of the end of the world bullshit so he got ready for it
he was pretty awesome like that

haha yeah theyre pretty lame
necessary or not i could never understand what was going on
not my area of expertise

not really
i mean i guess im kinda down about it but
its not like my life before was that fanfuckingtastic
i was a loser no matter how you slice it but at least here im alive
since im pretty sure if i stayed back home i wouldve been erased

[fifth_kazekage]

If he had adequately prepared for it, then is he here with you?

The intricacies are not meant for civilians to understand. Their desires and the outcome of political discussion are what should matter to them.

You exist without a purpose. Life must feel meaningless, from your perspective.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

no hes dead

[WOW this is something she so doesn't want to talk about you could practically feel it through the computer screen.]

haha dude im 13
life didnt have much of a meaning for me to begin with
but yeah i dont really have that much going on