✪ first homerun [video]

[starspangledknockers]

[It's about time she tried this thing out, so here she is sitting in the library.]

Heya! Thought I'd make a broadcast and here it is! This is the United States of America speaking. Crazy I know, I bet you're all like, "Oh shit, she's so awesome!" Don't worry if you can't handle how great I am, that's totally natural and everything.

[SHE CLAPS her hands together once and rubs them together in apparent anticipation.] Now that I'm here, these Tower dudes really have it comin'. See, I'm gonna get you guys outta here. Don't know how, where or when, but I promise! [slams a fist into her palm with a firm nod, determination glittering in her eyes.]

Between now and whenever the hell that is, let's get to know each other! You got that part about me being America, which is totally like... the best part, and also that I'm fuckin' awesome. Yeah that's right, I'm the U.S. of A. Comin' right atcha from...

[she looks around]

Uh. This library. [A pout. Which immediately disappears, because she's back to smiling again.]

Whatev, whatev. [Who could ever tell she's looking for information? Really looking, actually. It's a ruse.

... It's a ruse, and she really is showing everyone how fabulous she is. And don't you forget it.]

Peace out homies, and stay frosty!~ [she points at the screen and mock-shoots it with her finger, and with a wink from Amelia, the broadcast ends.]

Comments

1/?? LMAO YOU ASKED FOR IT

[keepscalm]

. . .

[what?]

2/??

[keepscalm]

--!!

[what]

3/??

[keepscalm]

[no this is not right]

4/??

[keepscalm]

[this isn't the right America either jesus christ]

5/??

[keepscalm]

[His America does not have curves like that!

...wait, this must be...]

6/??

[keepscalm]

[...Francisca's America. Right. He recalls once upon a time meeting the Canada of that world too...]

7/??

[keepscalm]

[...he should probably say something to her.

Even though those curves are extraordinarily distracting.]

8/??

[keepscalm]

[Sigh.

Alright, here goes.]

9/9 [video] THERE JESUS CHRIST

[keepscalm]

[He finally turns on the video feed, his eyes averted from the screen.]

Welcome to the Tower. I really don't think escape will be as easy as you believe it to be.

ilu

[starspangledknockers]

Oh hey another British guy! Hi other British guy! [America waves happily. Well, until she starts sulking again.] Dude, the last Brit I talked to was such a dick. Like, at least you're all well spoken I guess.

Besides, who said it'd be easy? It's not fun if it's easy.

[She honestly has no idea what's coming. No idea.]

deadcats

[keepscalm]

I have a name. It's not "other British guy", but I'm sure you'll be familiar with it nonetheless. [Sigh.]

I hate to be the bearer of frankly abysmal news, but nothing about this place is fun-- I honestly doubt you'll be able to get us out.

1/???? something

[starspangledknockers]

[British guy, she'd listen to you and everything, but--]

[starspangledknockers]

You know somethin'?

[starspangledknockers]

You're really depressing.

[starspangledknockers]

No wonder this shit hasn't been solved if like. Everyone's got this kinda attitude!

[starspangledknockers]

Oh and uh--

[starspangledknockers]

Your eyebrows are HUGE, British guy!

DONE

[starspangledknockers]

Hahahaha, oh my God! They're so fuzzy and cute!

[keepscalm]

[oh my GOD this is not what he needs right now

In all his blustering, he briefly raises a hand to cover his eyebrows, glaring at the screen like it personally killed mama Britannia. As soon as he notices what he's doing, he lowers his hand again.]

I am being serious here!

[starspangledknockers]

So am I! [She manages to stop her giggling fit, for the most part.] I'm still gonna call you British guy until you tell me your name by the way.

Oh yeah! You can just call me America. It's nice to meet you, even if you're a total grouch.

1/2

[keepscalm]

They are not cute--!

--you'd like a name? It's England. And I've been here a year now, so you'd do well to get your head out of whatever daft corner you're wont to misplace it in and actually listen to me for once!

[what a first impression. A+, England.]

2/2

[keepscalm]

[...but following that outburst, his feathers seem to smooth a little, and he merely scowls at the screen. There's a sheepish note to it not yet all the way to apologetic, but he clearly didn't think that introduction through.]

...there is a lot to tell you. Things are quite-- different here.

1/2

[starspangledknockers]

[... wow, okay. Uh. He definitely is acting like her not!sister. That's an A+ for a good impression, British guy, but a fucking F- - - - ... actually no, you don't even get a grade for this. You just get a 0.]

--Ahahahaha! You're a lotta things man, but England ain't one of them. Seriously, I've never met you before in my life!

2/3 I LIED

[starspangledknockers]

Look British guy, I got no beef with you. If you're gonna be rude, just direct me to someone who's gonna tell me all the stuff you're talking about.

Man, after all the wars I've been through, like... I'unno...

3/3

[starspangledknockers]

[--very, very briefly, her face catches a stern light. She has had to fight to be heard by anyone, and she doesn't like being talked at if she's done nothing wrong at all.]

No shit--

[And then the smile's back. Gotta be patient. Kind. Calm.]

Duh it's serious! But just 'cause it's serious doesn't mean I have to be dour and miserable. That won't help anyone!

Anyway, I don't have to justify anything to you. Someone offers help and the first thing you do is yell at 'em? You got problems, man. [STILL LIGHT IN TONE.]

If you wanna be polite that's cool! I'm listening! Don't try that depressing angry bull on me though; you can take it elsewhere, deal?