.004 ♒ chronicAugustus began drowning in self-loathing. [Text]

[chronomancer]

...i Am Awware
that i havve not been particularly
Composed
lately
so i wwould like to Apologize to anyone wwhos gotten caught at the receivvin end a me bein a grubfuckin asshole
so
Sorry







...that includes you, vvan--karkat
i said a lot a shit i shouldnt havve

Comments

[private]

[caliginous]

[Very smooth chuckling.]

Good choice. You'd be playing with a dangerous beast there. But the offer is on the table, if you want more concrete proof.

[he pauses]

As weird as I think it is, it probably works because she ain't a troll. Less insane than the rest of us.

[private]

[chronomancer]

...but it's Jade.

[private]

[caliginous]

[Now he's getting impatient.]

I don't speak bumbling idiot, wanna run that by me in a language that actually has meaning?

[private]

[chronomancer]

She's my friend. Honest to fucking god. She's not a troll and she knows jackshit about quadrants and shit. And if she's anyone's moirail, it's David's anyway, what with the continued effort to purge his sorry ass of whatever the fuck creepy shit it's full of. You don't make a moirail out of a friend, that's just. Let me translate into shitty romcom language then.

[It's so depressing to admit that might be the only language they do speak in common.]

That's scoring a pale quadrant not because you want it, but just to see if you can passive aggressively worm your way into the flushed one. Or something. The point is, it's fucked up. And she's a human, even if I had pale feelings for her - which I don't -

[Can you smell the denial in the air?]

that doesn't mean she would have feelings for me. Like. At all.

[private]

[caliginous]

Why the fuck would you even use a tired plot device like that? Your passive aggression meter rivils that of Troll Lindsey Lohan. But all of that aside, quadrants are always friends first, dumbass. Its like the first rule of romance.

No, she probably doesn't know, unless you actually sat her down and explained it, but that doesn't fucking mean anything and you know it.

[He sighs deeply, and you can almost hear him kneading his forehead in frustration.]

You're lying. Why do you still fucking think you can lie to me about this shit? Have you not gotten the message yet?

[private]

[chronomancer]

I'm not lying.

[Lemme emphasize how much he's so convinced he's not.]

Also fuck you, you bring Lohan up again and I'll start thinking the whole point of this is fucking caliginous shit.

[A very awkward, pregnant pause.]

...the whole point of this isn't caliginous shit, is it.

[private]

[caliginous]

If you're in denial, that's even worse. I'm not wrong, douchebag.

[But then he says that and Karkat is laughing again. Afterwards, he practically purrs, just to creep Eridan out.]

You know what's fucking sad about you, Ampora? You're more willing to consider a black quadrant with Karkat Vantas than you are to consider a red one with a human you couldn't stop talking to for a week if you tried. Does that make sense to you?

[Its not about the caliginous shit, it never was, but the world knows that Karkat can't resist being a flirtatious shit when the opportunity arises.]

[private]

[chronomancer]

Uh.

[Er.]

Well.

[Shit.]

Oh, fuck you.

[No, you didn't just own his ass verbally, fuck off. Damn.]

[not even trying to be private at all][not even realizing any of this was private tbh]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

I thought "pail" was the thing you used to get your nasty alien sexy time on.

[chronomancer]

...oh fuck my life.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

Yeah, exactly. That's it, right?

[chronomancer]

[MAKES A REALLY UNATTRACTIVE GURGLING NOISE.]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

....Dude?

[DOES SHE NEED TO CALL A DOCTOR]

[chronomancer]

[This is the sound of someone headdesking. And groaning. And willing himself to disappear into a singularity of fuck-nothing.]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

D...Dude? [UUUUUUH] You OK?

[She's half a step to just going to find him and giving him an ice pack.]

[chronomancer]

...okay. Yes. Yes. Okay. I am. I mean. Shit.

[Can he just. Crawl under the terminal and never be heard of again? He'll steal waffles from the kitchen when no one's looking. No one will miss him, fuck.]

Just. Chill. Right. So. Er. Jade. Don't you have like. Shit, I don't know. Human things to do. Away. From this conversation. Forever.

Please.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

[Jade will miss you, Eri]

Not really. I was mostly laughing at you and little boy blue yelling at each other.

[chronomancer]

Um.

[AWKWARD. Oh god, please don't ask about it.]

[reddeadvirtuoso]

By the way whatever you were talking about, I'd be fucking awesome at. It's the Strider lineage. Also I think there was something about fishes?

Does this mean you have a crush on Equius?

[chronomancer]

...did you just.

Ask me.

To have a feelings jam with you.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

Yes?

[Sure let's go with that.]

[caliginous]

The name is Vantas, Strider, and I'm doing you a fucking favor here, so don't you forget it.

[reddeadvirtuoso]

Weird, you don't really strike me as the charity type, blue boy. Especially since last time you just wanted to throw a book at my head. Sounds like you're just lookin' for an excuse to toot your own horn.

[caliginous]

Yes and yes. What's your point?

[reddeadvirtuoso]

So I think it's funnier to shove a potato in your horn, so I don't really see myself owing you any favors in return.

Actually, I don't think you'd actually ask me any favors, so.