animus_network | 4th Time in Text

[He does after a minute, quirking an eyebrow.]

Uh-huh.

[Your staring is uncomfortable. Please stop.]

What? Are you suddenly an expert on Strider secret code or something? Dave saying he's okay means he isn't okay or whatever? [Maybe if he stopped deflecting, John wouldn't be as suspicious.]

Dave being really defensive usually means something's bothering him that he's not saying. Not to be Rose about it or anything.

I'm not being defensive. I'm not bothered by anything. [He's doing the denial thing again.]

Uh-huh.

What do you want from me, dude?

Nothing, really. Just... if something ever really is bugging you, you know you can talk to me, right? Comes with the best bro title.

Nothing is bugging me though. This conversation is like the hugest fucking circle. I think I've done ten laps with how many circles we just ran through.

[It's going to take a lot more to get Dave to talk, obviously. Unless John is willing to breach the fact that his shadow has said everything he's not willing to talk about.]

[Huff.]

[He starts to, in a sort of roundabout way.]

So what exactly was that other you, anyway?

I didn't tell you? Some shadow version of me. [That was...descriptive. But Dave doesn't want to full on say that it was a version of him created from everything he's ever repressed.]

You really only gave me vague answers, like you're doing now. He said a lot of stuff that sounded like you but was a lot more open, is the only reason I ask.

Like, he repeatedly told me that he was okay because I was here now. He had me up on some kind of crazy pedestal. I think I'm mostly making sure that you don't have me on that same pedestal, because wow, when I fall off of that thing it's gonna be ugly if you do.

[Oh my god. Just this face. What the fuck did his shadow say to John and why?

He hates everything right now and he wants to die. JUST LET HIM DIE RIGHT NOW.] What...

[He casually hooks his thumbs on the waistband of his pants and splays his fingers out, rocking onto his toes and back to his heels a few times. When Dave just plays dumb he huffs and drops back to his flat feet and wipes a hand down his face, letting his arms swing limp at his sides when he's done.]

Dave, that thing told me a lot of shit and I can't even remember half of it because it was really weird. I need you to be honest with me for a minute here, because a lot of that stuff was weird or not okay or just kind of worrying? And you're my best friend, you're supposed to be honest with me anyway.

[Oh no. Why did it tell John of all people. He thought he would be okay as long as John didn't see that grotesque boss version. But it probably told him basically everything he hasn't said in the passed couple of months.]

What exactly did you want to know? [He's obviously not talking about any of these things unless John flat out asks.]

[There's a part of him that's kind of bothered by Dave's secrecy, and a part of him that's happy about it. He didn't need or want to know half the things that shadow told him, but now that he did it left him with more questions than answers.]

[He shifted his weight.]

Well you definitely said something about me getting eaten alive by spiders. [He frowns, hesitating and trying to find a way to not bring up the next part.] Which, uh. Obviously wasn't actually me but also segued into you saying you got skinned alive and left to die?

[Dave isn't ever going to stop being secret about what happens to him. Get used to it John.]

Oh. The John that was here before told me. I guess he got caught. [Dave died before John did. Or at least, he didn't know about it until John had told him.] We were playing a game. [Dave was using the term very loosely. It wasn't really so much a game as one of the most terrifying moments of his life. It was like a horror movie come to life.] We were playing hide n' seek. I got caught and I wasn't going to let someone else take the fall. [Dave was aware he didn't actually talk about the part about dying. He was still being stubborn about it. He just...didn't want to think about it. He can honestly say that he can still remember how it feels.]

Edited 2012-10-03 04:58 (UTC)

[John can't hide shit like Dave can, he's basically always an open book in expression. So when Dave skirts around the topic again, he visibly deflates, and just shrugs.]

...there's no point in trying to talk about this, whatever. If you don't wanna talk I'm not gonna make you. [It just hurts a little that you won't trust him enough with this kind of thing.]

[Dave is just standing there, shoulders hunched and looking at the floor.]

Do you know what it's like lying on the floor waiting to die while a fucking teddy bear runs off parading in your skin like it's fucking Christmas and Santa gave you what you wished for? [And the only company was through your communicating device given to you for the sake of some fucked up game?]

[He swallows, and gives Dave a sort of imploring look.]

No, I don't. But maybe it's something I could try to help you deal with. You don't even have to talk about it, but... Shit, Dave, I think we've all been through enough, sort-of-together, that we can at least try to help each other out when it gets bad.

[Dave isn't looking at John. He's got his eyes glued to the floor.]

There's nothing to talk about. It happened months ago and I'm over it. [He so obviously isn't.] I even have a teddy bear that says hello to me every time i wake up from it. [He shoves it in the bottom of his trunk to be honest. He doesn't want to see it again. Ever.] Things get pretty bad here. You have plenty of time to do a feelings pow wow while you're here.

[His eyebrows crash together and he frowns, squaring his shoulders and moving forward to grab Dave by the shoulders and pull him forcibly into a hug.]

Shut up, jeez. I mean-- [Huff.]

...I mean, don't. I'm sorry that I tune you out all the time, okay? Shit's bad here, and me being an asshole and ignoring your weird rambling ways of telling me you're not okay isn't gonna help. Shit was bad in SBURB but it sounds worse here. I'll listen, if you'll just actually talk.

[Dave just tenses up because, wow, not expecting that. Also, how do hug? How do physical contact?

He would hug back, but what John says kind of throws him off. He's not sure why John is bringing that up right now.] What? I never said you were tuning me out all the time. Where the fuck did that come from? Holy shit, I'm like the most clueless right here. It's like I'm the kid out of the loop of some biznasty plan and everyone is talking about it but I don't even know where to start because what the actual fuck is going on. [Although you do kind of shoot him down a lot. He just wants to let you hear a sick rhyme, bro.] I'm chill, man.

Your stupid creepy shadow-you said it. And I'm starting to think that maybe a lot of the stuff he said to me was true, but you just won't actually tell me. Because, I dunno, you're scared of me because you put me one some kind of weird idolization pedestal which is weird even if I appreciate the idea of being taller than you.

[He takes a step back and frowns at him.]

Can we have a pow wow? Can that happen? I mean not to be chick flick about it, but I feel like maybe this needs to happen?

Fuck. [Dave is beginning to get that the list of things his Shadow didn't say is a lot shorter than what he did say. This is making his life so hard.] Dude, I'm not scared of you. [He's just really bad at doing the whole talk about what's on his mind dealio.]

I guess. We could. They aren't really my specialty but we can have a feelings jam. But, uhh, what else did he tell you? [He would kill his Shadow if he hadn't already done so, god damn it.]

[John's mouth quirks to the side a little and he takes a small step backward, uncertain.]

I'm actually pretty sure you already know most of what he told me.

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