animus_network | ♋ 008 || TEXT

HUMAN TRADITIONS ARE STUPID.
COSTUMES ARE STUPID.
CANDY IS LESS STUPID.
YOU ALL ARE FUCKING STUPID.
NEXT TIME I'M LOOKING FOR AN APOCALYPSE, I'LL REMEMBER TO DIAL THE LINE TO TOWER WONDERFUCK.
HOME OF LITERALLY EVERYTHING TERRIBLE IN THE MULTIVERSE.

ALRIGHT NOW THAT WE GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY, TIME TO GET BACK TO BUSINESS.
YOU MIGHT ALL REMEMBER BACK A WHILE AGO WHEN I MENTIONED DIFFERENT SHIT HAPPENING AFTER MY LAST DEATH.
WELL IF YOU DON'T, SURPRISE!!!!!!!!
I HAD SOME WEIRD SIDE EFFECTS AFTER I "DIED".
I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW IF WE CAN CALL IT DEATH ANYMORE AND I DON'T ACTUALLY CARE.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT EITHER.
THIS ISN'T A PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION.
I MADE A DUMB PROMISE A WHILE BACK THAT I INTEND ON KEEPING SO.
HERE'S SOME MORE NEWS.

I KNOW YOU'RE ALL ABSOLUTELY ECSTATIC TO TO HEAR THAT I HAVE DIED ONCE AGAIN.
LAST TIME IT WAS A FUCKING COLD ASS TABLE.
THIS TIME I WOKE UP NOT BEING ABLE TO FEEL MY ARM.
THE RIGHT ONE, IF IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE?
SOMEONE WAS FUCKING WITH IT BEFORE THAT, I DON'T KNOW WHO.
I DIDN'T SEE.
DIDN'T HURT.
IT WAS LIKE SOME FUCKING OUTER BODY EXPERIENCE AND I H8TED IT.

MOVING ON AGAIN.
DON'T FUCKING PESTER ME ABOUT THIS OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR PROTEIN ORBS AND FEED THEM TO CAPTAIN CINNAMON CLAWS.
DON'T THINK I WON'T.

DESPITE BEING HEADHUNTED ALL LAST MONTH LIKE GOD DAMN PYGMY LARVAE IN FIDUSPAWN, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOU ARE ALL TERRIBLE AT KEEPING YOUR QUADRANTS IN ORDER.
LIKE LITERALLY TERRIBLE.
PROBABLY SOME OF THE WORST CASES I'VE EVER SEEN.
AND YES, I'VE ALREADY BEEN MADE WELL AWARE OF SOME YOUR HUMAN CONDITION OF ONLY BEING CAPABLE OF ONE TYPE OF ROMANCE.
WHAT THE FUCK EVER WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT EITHER.
WHAT WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IS ME AND YOU.
AND HOW I CAN HELP YOU.
I CAN HELP ALL OF YOU FOR A ONCE IN THE LIFETIME FEE.
OR MAYBE IF I'M FEELING GENEROUS, I WON'T EVEN CHARGE.
YOU WON'T KNOW UNTIL YOU GIVE ME A TRY.

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW ME.
NAME'S KARKAT VANTAS, ROMANCUL8TOR EXTRAORDINAIRE.
BEEN DOING THIS FOR SWEEPS, YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS.
AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, YOU PROBABLY DO.
SO LET ME HOOK YOU UP.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

okay, i'm going to, uh, give you a try, not that i'm expecting anything, i believe i do have a lot of spare time, but, keep in mind, this story is totally hypothetical !! to see if you are, truly helpful, as you ever so confidently believe,

[ wow, even in anon this is pretty difficult to discuss. ]

let's say i'm red for someone, and that someone is not really, uh, how to explain this, up for it? i mean, i think he's up for it, but there are a lot of things going on with him that keeps, messing things up, you know?

["Red". A troll. GOOD. Maybe he won't charge this one. He'll also gently put up a filter.]

DEPENDS ON WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BE MORE SPECIFIC.
YOU REALLY WANNA DO THIS ANON, BUDDY?

for the time being, yes, let's stick with anon, i feel more comfortable this way, also, i will try to be more specific to this, hypothetical story, well, you see, he's been through a lot of bad experiences in this tower, more than any troll i know, and i guess he took it hard, he's not really well, as in he is kinda changing because of, i assume, the shitty and constant tower abuse, to be honest, i believe the last thing he needs right now, is for me or anyone to bring more stress into his life, not that red relationships are meant to be a source of stress, but that brings another point of how bad i am at any quadrant, }:(

[He'd recognize that emote anywhere. Except he's only seen one Tavros around, and he's a brownblood. One that reminds him painfully of Vriska, only somehow worse with his confidence. He almost feels bad.

He's not sure 100% who he's talking about, and he doesn't want to make assumptions. But if he calls Tavros out now, he might scare him off. He remembers something about the Vriska that shared his bloodcolor and her Tavros not getting along very well.]

I KEEP THIS SHIT CONFIDENTIAL.
WE'D BE BETTER OFF DOING THIS OFF THE RECORD, IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.
I GOT AN IDEA.

[No he doesn't.]

i'm not sure what kind of drift, i should be catching, but okay, and i'm pretty much willing to try anything, if it seemed logical and not risky, oh, i guess i should mention that he is my best friend, so, i don't want to do anything, that might ruin our friendship,

[ You're up for a real challenge with this one, Karkat. ]

[No? Direct approach, then.]

THE DRIFT IS THAT THIS NETWORK ISN'T FOOLPROOF, TAVROS.
SO DO YOU WANT MY HELP OR NOT????????

[ Well- fuck. Haha. ]

wOW, oH WOW,
i GUESS THERE IS NO POINT IN, uH, sTAYING ANON,
oKAY, yES, i DO WANT YOUR HELP,

I THOUGHT SO.
FLOOR THIRTEEN.
SOUND DOESN'T CARRY THERE.
NO EAVESDROPPING.
MEET ME, AND WE'LL SORT THIS OUT.

uH,
aLRIGHT,

[ Just give him a few minutes and he'll find his way. Tavros is still pretty hesitant, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to hear Karkat out. I mean- the troll seemed like he'd really want to help out, and Tavros is pretty much desperate for some advice!

Just as promised, he finally reached the floor and he's currently looking around for the other troll. ]

[Tavros will find Karkat sitting on the steps of the alter in the great Cathedral, hands folded in a very business-like fashion. Ok, it wasn't much of an office, but considering the fact that Karkat couldn't even hear Tavros' approach said plenty about why he had chosen it.

When the cerulean spots the brownblood, he will let him move into the room a bit before he stands to meet him halfway.]

I've had shit hacked on that network mid-conversation before. Didn't want to risk it.

Well, I guess ... It's a good idea that we meet up in person then.

[ He looks a little nervous, because- let's face it, it's totally an embarrassing topic to discuss with a stranger. So, he decided to get straight into it before he retreats. ]

Okay, so ... uh, what do I need to do right now?

[Probably doesn't help that Karkat is boring into Tavros with that multi-facet eye either.]

Settle down, we'll get there. Have a seat. Calm your rumble spheres.

[And while Tavros does that, Karkat will pull his own chair by the pews so they can have a heart to heart...while the troll puts his feet up. Ok.]

Which troll are we talkin' about here?

[ He makes a face that literally screamed 'oh god why' or 'please don't make me say it'. Maybe if he stared at him long enough, Karkat might pity him and spare him the embarrassment.

No? It's not working? Well, fuck his life. ]

Um.

Okay, I guess I could share this intimate detail with you. It's, uh, Gamzee.

♋ 008 || TEXT

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