HUMAN TRADITIONS ARE STUPID.
COSTUMES ARE STUPID.
CANDY IS LESS STUPID.
YOU ALL ARE FUCKING STUPID.
NEXT TIME I'M LOOKING FOR AN APOCALYPSE, I'LL REMEMBER TO DIAL THE LINE TO TOWER WONDERFUCK.
HOME OF LITERALLY EVERYTHING TERRIBLE IN THE MULTIVERSE.
ALRIGHT NOW THAT WE GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY, TIME TO GET BACK TO BUSINESS.
YOU MIGHT ALL REMEMBER BACK A WHILE AGO WHEN I MENTIONED DIFFERENT SHIT HAPPENING AFTER MY LAST DEATH.
WELL IF YOU DON'T, SURPRISE!!!!!!!!
I HAD SOME WEIRD SIDE EFFECTS AFTER I "DIED".
I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW IF WE CAN CALL IT DEATH ANYMORE AND I DON'T ACTUALLY CARE.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT EITHER.
THIS ISN'T A PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION.
I MADE A DUMB PROMISE A WHILE BACK THAT I INTEND ON KEEPING SO.
HERE'S SOME MORE NEWS.
I KNOW YOU'RE ALL ABSOLUTELY ECSTATIC TO TO HEAR THAT I HAVE DIED ONCE AGAIN.
LAST TIME IT WAS A FUCKING COLD ASS TABLE.
THIS TIME I WOKE UP NOT BEING ABLE TO FEEL MY ARM.
THE RIGHT ONE, IF IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE?
SOMEONE WAS FUCKING WITH IT BEFORE THAT, I DON'T KNOW WHO.
I DIDN'T SEE.
DIDN'T HURT.
IT WAS LIKE SOME FUCKING OUTER BODY EXPERIENCE AND I H8TED IT.
MOVING ON AGAIN.
DON'T FUCKING PESTER ME ABOUT THIS OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR PROTEIN ORBS AND FEED THEM TO CAPTAIN CINNAMON CLAWS.
DON'T THINK I WON'T.
DESPITE BEING HEADHUNTED ALL LAST MONTH LIKE GOD DAMN PYGMY LARVAE IN FIDUSPAWN, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOU ARE ALL TERRIBLE AT KEEPING YOUR QUADRANTS IN ORDER.
LIKE LITERALLY TERRIBLE.
PROBABLY SOME OF THE WORST CASES I'VE EVER SEEN.
AND YES, I'VE ALREADY BEEN MADE WELL AWARE OF SOME YOUR HUMAN CONDITION OF ONLY BEING CAPABLE OF ONE TYPE OF ROMANCE.
WHAT THE FUCK EVER WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT EITHER.
WHAT WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IS ME AND YOU.
AND HOW I CAN HELP YOU.
I CAN HELP ALL OF YOU FOR A ONCE IN THE LIFETIME FEE.
OR MAYBE IF I'M FEELING GENEROUS, I WON'T EVEN CHARGE.
YOU WON'T KNOW UNTIL YOU GIVE ME A TRY.
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW ME.
NAME'S KARKAT VANTAS, ROMANCUL8TOR EXTRAORDINAIRE.
BEEN DOING THIS FOR SWEEPS, YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS.
AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, YOU PROBABLY DO.
SO LET ME HOOK YOU UP.
COSTUMES ARE STUPID.
CANDY IS LESS STUPID.
YOU ALL ARE FUCKING STUPID.
NEXT TIME I'M LOOKING FOR AN APOCALYPSE, I'LL REMEMBER TO DIAL THE LINE TO TOWER WONDERFUCK.
HOME OF LITERALLY EVERYTHING TERRIBLE IN THE MULTIVERSE.
ALRIGHT NOW THAT WE GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY, TIME TO GET BACK TO BUSINESS.
YOU MIGHT ALL REMEMBER BACK A WHILE AGO WHEN I MENTIONED DIFFERENT SHIT HAPPENING AFTER MY LAST DEATH.
WELL IF YOU DON'T, SURPRISE!!!!!!!!
I HAD SOME WEIRD SIDE EFFECTS AFTER I "DIED".
I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW IF WE CAN CALL IT DEATH ANYMORE AND I DON'T ACTUALLY CARE.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT EITHER.
THIS ISN'T A PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION.
I MADE A DUMB PROMISE A WHILE BACK THAT I INTEND ON KEEPING SO.
HERE'S SOME MORE NEWS.
I KNOW YOU'RE ALL ABSOLUTELY ECSTATIC TO TO HEAR THAT I HAVE DIED ONCE AGAIN.
LAST TIME IT WAS A FUCKING COLD ASS TABLE.
THIS TIME I WOKE UP NOT BEING ABLE TO FEEL MY ARM.
THE RIGHT ONE, IF IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE?
SOMEONE WAS FUCKING WITH IT BEFORE THAT, I DON'T KNOW WHO.
I DIDN'T SEE.
DIDN'T HURT.
IT WAS LIKE SOME FUCKING OUTER BODY EXPERIENCE AND I H8TED IT.
MOVING ON AGAIN.
DON'T FUCKING PESTER ME ABOUT THIS OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR PROTEIN ORBS AND FEED THEM TO CAPTAIN CINNAMON CLAWS.
DON'T THINK I WON'T.
DESPITE BEING HEADHUNTED ALL LAST MONTH LIKE GOD DAMN PYGMY LARVAE IN FIDUSPAWN, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOU ARE ALL TERRIBLE AT KEEPING YOUR QUADRANTS IN ORDER.
LIKE LITERALLY TERRIBLE.
PROBABLY SOME OF THE WORST CASES I'VE EVER SEEN.
AND YES, I'VE ALREADY BEEN MADE WELL AWARE OF SOME YOUR HUMAN CONDITION OF ONLY BEING CAPABLE OF ONE TYPE OF ROMANCE.
WHAT THE FUCK EVER WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT EITHER.
WHAT WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IS ME AND YOU.
AND HOW I CAN HELP YOU.
I CAN HELP ALL OF YOU FOR A ONCE IN THE LIFETIME FEE.
OR MAYBE IF I'M FEELING GENEROUS, I WON'T EVEN CHARGE.
YOU WON'T KNOW UNTIL YOU GIVE ME A TRY.
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW ME.
NAME'S KARKAT VANTAS, ROMANCUL8TOR EXTRAORDINAIRE.
BEEN DOING THIS FOR SWEEPS, YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS.
AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, YOU PROBABLY DO.
SO LET ME HOOK YOU UP.
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