animus_network | nine ♓ video;

[Feferi's gray skin looks pale as she steps forward, and it's clear that she's shaking. But she takes a deep breath, because this is too important not to tell everyone.]

My name is Feferi Peixes. Anyone who knows me knows I'm infamous for fish puns, but I'm going to hold off on them here, just so the message is as clear as possible. I don't want it to get twisted by a bad turn of phrase.

The message you all saw about the soul thing...it's true. I know, because...

[She takes another deep breath, swallowing hard.]

I went down the elevator, with some others, when we saw it open. We had to take the chance. We needed to know what was down there.

When the group I was with saw a soul being extracted from a dead person, we couldn't believe what we were seeing. More than anything, we knew what a precious thing that was. We didn't want it to be harmed, and so we followed where the retrieval unit was taking it.

...we didn't expect that it would be carrying the soul straight to Jason. We confronted him, we refused to give up the presence of the other groups that were in the administrators' area, and he punished us by forcing us to go through the soul extraction and re-implantation processes while we were still conscious.

Before I go on any further, I have to stress this point: DO NOT TAKE THIS AS AN INVITATION TO CONFRONT JASON. He will not hesitate to put you through that process, and no one should ever have to experience a thing like that. I don't want anyone to consider this as an invitation to take some kind of vengeance. That path only leads to pain.

I didn't think that he was actually capable of anything close to mercy until I went through that. Everyone in this tower has been through it while unconscious, and that is truly a mercy. When it happens, your body is taken downstairs and placed into a sphere. That sphere fills with a violet liquid, and then it begins to contract.

[Tears start to run down her cheeks as she remembers, and her voice cracks.]

It quite literally squeezes your soul out of your body, and that is like no physical pain in this or any other universe. I don't think there is a single word that is capable of describing it. Agony isn't strong enough, because the pain keeps going while you feel your body stop working.

And even when you are only that shining light, the pain doesn't fade immediately. It takes time.

Then, you're surgically put into - into a...a new body. I...

[She can't keep talking. She breaks down sobbing, and then the feed cuts.]

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where are you.

Not far from the dorms.

[Without another word, Gamzee disconnects and heads to the dorm floors. He hadn't asked which of the floors Feferi had been on, but it wasn't hard to check each one individually.]

[After a while, he finds here sitting at the terminal, still visibly upset. He didn't know what he came here for. He didn't know what to say, and he didn't believe that he could say anything that would have been remotely comforting. He wasn't as upset as everyone else was. While he was having a crisis of faith, it wasn't anything anyone else could hope to repair.]

[He didn't have a plan, coming here. So, he just stood there, staring down at her grimly.]

[She doesn't need words. There aren't any. It's just been difficult. There was the trauma itself, then the sudden shocks of the two admin videos, and getting the words out on top of that mess was even harder than she'd thought it would be.

Sometimes, you don't need a plan. You just need to find someone who was there. And when Feferi sees Gamzee, she doesn't really have a plan, either. She just stands up and lets her body go on auto-pilot, pulling him into a hug.

She doesn't care what the reaction might be. She needs one, and she instinctively thinks he does, too.]

[He might have, if this were six months ago. He remembered, at least, he'd needed it the last time Feferi had given him one. He was thankful back then, and he was pretty sure he would be thankful, now, if things were a little different.]

[He placed his hands on her back only because she was an old friend. Although, maybe that was also the reason he was so hesitant to begin with. A few awkward pats scattered their way up her spine, and he bent over slightly to rest his chin between her horns.]

[Is this the person he was? Did he care about his friends like he used to? He didn't know, but pretending to be something was a lot better than admitting to being nothing.]

[Those pats on her back help, even if they're awkward. Hers are a lot less so, when they reach up toward his shoulders. The first urge she has is to try and - coddle isn't the right word. It hasn't been for a long time, not since that month of hell that changed everything.

She's wanted to be bubbles and laughter and cheer and comfort since then not for anything it does for her, but because everyone has needed that.

When he rests his chin between her horns, that the first thing she thinks of is how much harder it would have been, physically, a few months ago. Feferi still isn't anywhere close to what her full adult height will be, but she's grown a little bit. Her hair is a lot longer now.

And pretending or not, she has a friend that needs her, or at least that's how she perceives it. She lets a few tears slip down her cheeks, silent ones, but at the same time, she manages an honest smile.]

[His expression hadn't changed since he'd arrived, but Gamzee did let out a pent-up breath as Feferi's hands reached for his shoulders. She was getting tall, her horns were bigger, her hair was longer... everyone was growing and changing and it was all in this stupid tower where none of this was supposed to be taking place.]

[They were supposed to be back home, or back in the Veil, or wherever the fuck that was familiar and not here. The depressing thing was, he was pretty sure he'd rather stay here than go back to whatever life he thought he'd had.]

[But, now she was smiling at him, and he knew however bad things were, he would never be able to not fake one of those. The corners of his mouth pulled up, revealing his set of crooked teeth.]

All fuckin' better. Right, girl?

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