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[The Cu Chulainn that appears in the feed is a far cry from his normal, cheerful self. His hair looks even more disheveled than it usually is. His eyes have narrowed into slits and vein are popping all over his face. And his spear is out for all to see.]

WHERE IS SHE?

[He screams into the monitor, slamming his fist down on the keyboard and shaking the entire terminal.]

WHERE IS AYAKA SAJYOU? WHICH ONE OF YOU BASTARDS TOOK HER? WHICH ONE OF YOU TOOK MY MASTER?

[He takes a deep breath before he screams again.]

AND WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS ERASED HER NAME ON HER DOOR AND MADE HER A GRAVE? GET THE FUCK OVER HERE AND I MIGHT LIMIT MYSELF TO BREAKING YOU IN HALF!

[He knows. He knows that these are usually indicators that people had left the Tower for good. But he doesn't want to admit it. If he does, it means he's failed his Master again...]

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[He can hear the yelling all the way down the hallway and what he hears causes a cold knot to form in his stomach. For a moment, all Diarmuid can do is stand there, hand braced against his forehead trying to force his brain to start working again.

After all that's happened, surely the tower couldn't be so cruel as to take Ayaka away from his roommate. Surely...

...but it had. If he had checked her room... If he had found her grave...

Diarmuid breaks into a run and it only takes him seconds to make it to the other end of the hall.

Only it's not always a good thing to be so fast, because even though he's there, he really doesn't know what to say in the face of such anger and sadness. All he can do is hold out his hands in what he hopes is a comforting gesture.]

[Lancer stops in the middle of his ranting to stare at Diarmuid. Even with his mind clouded by anger, he can tell the familiar shape and familiar scent.]

[Diarmuid is trustworthy. Diarmuid is the only one who probably wouldn't have pulled such a cruel joke.]

...You heard that, didn't you?

[His voice is strained and veins are still popping all over his face.]

Do you have any idea where Ayaka is?

[Diarmuid can only shake his head. Despite the evidence that his roommate has already mentioned seeing, he still seems to believe she must be here.

When she can't be. They all know what those signs mean. They are the only way to know with certainty that someone really is gone.]

I'm sorry, I don't. Please, calm yourself. If she sees you like this you will only upset her.

[How does Diarmuid make him realize the truth, when the truth is so very cruel and they have suffered so much already?]

Th-then she can come and whack me!

[He looks back at the monitor, hoping to catch sight of his Master, or at least someone with knowledge of her whereabouts.]

And whoever took her will know they fucked with the wrong Master!

[He would rather be an idiot than a failure. To live with the knowledge that he had once again outlived his Master. Once again been unable to protect her.]

Only a fool would attempt to strike you when you are this angry.

[His smile is gentle, but sad. This isn't going to be easy.]

And we both know she is no fool. Please, calm down. Berserking won't help you find her any faster.

Then what will? I've checked just about every floor I think she can be on. She's not here!

[The lack of a proper link between them makes it both more agitating and gives him the tiniest amount of hope. Because he cannot feel for sure that her prana has been cut off, he can still tell himself that she's in the Tower.]

Yes, you have, haven't you?

[His voice is calm even though it's hard to keep it so with all the raw emotion bleeding off his roommate. It's literally making his head hurt.]

You checked her room. You found the grave maker.

[And then he can't hold back the sadness anymore and it floods unrestrained onto his face.]

And you've answered you're own question. I'm sorry in a way I cannot even begin to express, my friend.

[He quickly shakes his head.]

That can't be! I promised her! I promised her I'd protect her!

[He grits his teeth hard enough to make an audible grinding noise.]

I know you did. I know! Please, you must calm down!

[Why did the emotions hurt so much today? Is it just because he is so worn down or because he's roommate's emotions are just so strong?

Diarmuid raises a hand to his temple and rubs at it.]

This has nothing to do with protecting or not protecting. You know how the tower is! You have told me it yourself. There is no controlling what it does. If...she's gone...

[It really hurt to say that and he almost winces.]

...you couldn't have done anything to stop it. Even if you had been there holding her. There is nothing you could have done!

DON'T TELL ME THAT!

[He slams a fist against the edge of the monitor.]

I could have made a proper contract with her! Handed her my Command Seals! I could have stayed by her side more! I could have made sort of deal! Gave my life to hers! There's something that I could have done! Something that I can do!

Don't yell at me!

[He actually winces, unconsciously shying away from the raw pain rolling off his roommate. Diarmuid takes a moment to steady his voice before speaking again, but he's started shaking, just slightly.

It almost feels like someone is twisting shards of glass into his mind.]

We both know none of that would have mattered. Nothing would have changed except that you would have known instantly when she was gone. They would have killed you and still sent her away. Perhaps you would have even awoke with some kind of taunt letting you know she was gone. You know they don't allow for that kind of thing. It takes away from their precious fun!

[He stops, taking a breath, attempting to will away his own weakness so he can focus on helping his friend.]

Do you really think I would say these things to you if they weren't true? I don't want her gone. I don't want you hurting, but...

[He shakes his head, trying to back away from Diarmuid. He knows Diarmuid is his friend. He knows that everything the other Lancer is saying is only intended to help him. But he doesn't want to accept it.]

[Even with the veins still bulging on his face, he looks more like a scared puppy than a hellhound.]

Maybe...but...

[He closes his eyes, feeling something wet slip down his face.]

Then why...WHY AM I EVEN ALIVE RIGHT NOW?

[A Servant didn't outlive their Master. That wasn't how the world worked. A Servant listened and fought and protected and, if they couldn't accomplish their duties, faded away once their Master died.]

[So why did he linger again?]

[Diarmuid closes his eyes. How many times had he asked that question when he had first arrived? How many times did he still ask it? Why had he been chosen from a whole world of souls when he had already died not once, but twice?

His voice is soft as he answers.]

I don't know. Why am I alive? Why was a person who had died twice already the one who was saved from a whole world of other souls? Maybe Zo could answer that question for us. Maybe even he doesn't know. But we are here. We are alive. It wouldn't hurt this much if we weren't.

[He reaches out and gently wipes the tears from his roommate's cheeks, hoping it doesn't upset the man further.]

She wouldn't want you to blame yourself like this. If the blame lies anywhere, it's with the tower and the people who run it.

[He slaps the hand away.]

...This is the second time already for me. She should blame me! They should both blame me! I didn't save them! I-I killed...

[He slams his fist into the terminal yet again, denting it.]

[Diarmuid's first reaction is to curl his hand against his chest, but that reaction is smothered very quickly by a wave of anger. Instead of withdrawing his hand, it shoots out, grabbing a hold of his roommate's collar and dragging the other man so that they are face to face.]

Stop. Blaming. Yourself!

[The words are an angry growl, and very odd sounding coming from someone like Diarmuid.]

You did what you had to. What Fate forced on you.

[He shakes his roommate with every word, and the shakes are surprisingly hard considering how hard Diarmuid is shaking himself.]

Now stop! You carry their memories. Pull yourself together and be the servant they knew and respected! Honor their memory instead of crying over it! Be glad you have such memories to honor. Not all servants are as lucky as you are!

[He actually stops his crying and screaming and just stares at Diarmuid in shock. Slowly, some of the veins start clearing from his face now that at least part of his rage is gone.]

I...

[He starts laughing. It gets increasingly bitter and hysterical as he realizes these are some of the exact words that he had screamed at Diarmuid on different occasions.]

[It's a good while before he can calm down enough to speak.]

You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm a lucky Servant. Luckier than I deserve.

[He stares Diarmuid in the eye. His gaze is notably empty, drained of all emotion and vitality.]

Why couldn't we have switched places?

[Diarmuid lets go of his roommate's collar, his hand gently brushing off a few of the remaining tears on the other man's face before dropping away.]

I don't know that I would have done the job any better, my friend. If what happened is what was meant to happen, nothing will change that. Not you, not me, not anyone else. Fate always finds a way no matter what we do.

If you don't think you deserve it, then make yourself someone who does. Save your fights for the battles you can win. Things seem bad now, but it's not over. Not by a long shot. Not as long as we keep the strength to go forward. Do that for them. Always for them.

[He pauses, smiling as best as he can. His roommate might be calming down some, but Diarmuid's head is still screaming.]

And then maybe someday you will feel you can do it for yourself too.

[He sighs and leans against the terminal for support.]

I'll try. If you think I can, then I can't disappoint a friend, can I?

[His voice seems to have some of his old energy back.]

[But at the same time, all he can think of is how it's not a Servant's role to "move on" or "go forward." He had lived his life once to the fullest. Called back into the modern day, he was now a weapon. And now that he has lost his wielder, there was no reason for him to linger.]

I would like you to do your best not to.

[There is something sad in the words no matter now much he might try to hide it. It's not that he expects his roommate to fail, it's just that he has a feeling he knows what the other man is thinking and they are questions he has been searching for the answers to for as long as he's been here.]

I'm sorry. I don't have the answers for you, but you aren't alone in asking the questions. You know I would like the answer to that too. It doesn't seem right. It should be anyone but us.

...You were loyal, at least. You deserved a second chance.

[With the amount of tragedy that he had seen Diarmuid needed a second chance.]

[Diarmuid sighs rubbing at his temples trying to sooth away some of the pain.]

You are loyal. You did what you had to fulfill her last request, didn't you? It might not seem like you did the right thing, but when it comes down to the choice between honor and loyalty it's never an easy one to make. Trust me. I know.

...I turned my spear at her. Because when I made my contract with Ayaka, she wasn't completely dead.

[He wishes he could stop this, but the rage won't stop clawing at him. Now that he's lost an outside source to direct it at, it has turned inward at himself.]

[Diarmuid tilts his head, confusion in his eyes. He wants to know what exactly happened with his roommate and his first master, but at the same time, he's afraid of upsetting him again.]

Will you tell me about it, please? You have mentioned bits and pieces, but not enough for me know what to say to help you.

[For a minute, he considers just brushing the request off. But Diarmuid already knows that he failed. He might as well as tell Diarmuid how much of a failure he is. When he speaks, his voice is eerily calm.]

She was cursed by her father to die unless she won the Holy Grail. I was supposed to save her and take it for her, but I dawdled in killing the other Servants. Eventually her curse consumed her and she asked me to kill her. But I...couldn't even do that right.

[He had tried to save her with his runes, but to no avail.]

She died. And the curse didn't let her rest in peace. It turned her into a zombie thing. So I went to the only Master willing to take me and told her I would help her with her matters...if she could give me the prana to kill Misaya for good.

[He shuts up and waits for Diarmuid's reaction.]

[Diarmuid is quiet for several moments taking it all in. He'd known things had been bad, but...

That was just horrible. Who would do such a thing to their child?

When he speaks, his voice is calm, though there is something barely controlled and angry in its tone. However, none of it is directed at his roommate. What he is angry with is Fate for putting his roommate in such a situation.]

Were you able to keep your promise after that? Did you help her find peace after you took your new master?

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