animus_network | Once the Honeymoon is Over... [Video]

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Once the Honeymoon is Over... [Video]

[The face on the camera is tired, the look in Diarmuid's eyes making it clear that the source of his weariness isn't physical, but mental and emotional as it so often has been since he arrived here.]

Has anyone see my brother? Ah...you probaly know him better as Lancer. I know he is still in the tower because his belongings are here and his name is still on the door, but I cannot find him anywhere and I have looked. Those who know my skills know quickly I can do that.

I am worried because I just remembered something he said to Jason a while back. He said he would volunteer for his next experiement and since this is Jason's month in charge and so many others have gone missing, I fear for what that means for him.

If anyone has seen him in the last few days, will you please let me know?

[Diarmuid pauses a moment, suddenly looking a lot more uneasy.]

Also, I want to apologize to all the people who were affected by my curse about week ago or got caught up in everything that was going on. For those who don't know, I carry a curse that forces the women who see my face to fall in love with me. It has been mostly inactive in this place but for some reason during the end of March and the beginning of April it flared back to life affecting both men and women. Unfortunately, I have never been able to tell when it is active and when it is not so far too many people were affected before I knew what was going on.

I...do not know why this happened. It has gone inactive again and I think by this time all those affected should have had the effects wear off. If not, take the knowledge that your strange feelings are caused by something outside of you and focus on that...

[Suddenly, he turns away from the screen as if someone has tugged on his arm, which they have. When he speaks his voice is quieter and directed at whoever is standing just off camera.]

Tony, just a moment, okay? I will play with you then.

[Diarmuid turns back to the camera, quiet for a moment as if he is collecting his thoughts and then continues where he left off.]

Focusing on the fact that your feelings are not your own will help you overcome the effects sooner. It is not something that worked that well during my first life, but there is a very strong pattern of it working here...

[There is a sudden scuffling behind Diarmuid and he is yanked away from the camera. The scuffling continues as his voice drifts back toward the terminal.]

Tony! Tony wait! I'm not done...

Gah! Does anyone know how to stop an alien abduction?

==============================

(OOC: Diarmuid's responses will come a few hours later when he has given Tony the attention that the little gray alien seems to want so badly.)

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It genuinely worries me that you think basic human decency is something special.

Think of what I have been through, my friend.

[Diarmuid gives him a sad smile.]

Think of how many times I have been abandoned and betrayed. I guess it's just that I don't expect much of anything from anyone anymore.

[He looks away, ashamed.]

It's easier to avoid getting hurt that way.

...Sorry. I wasn't really thinking when I said that. It's difficult to even comprehend how much worse this is than trying to talk to you back home was.

Don't take that as an insult, it's just...I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to approach all this.

[Diarmuid shakes his head.]

I know you meant no insult. There is no need to apologize.

[He leans forward and puts his arms around the other man.]

You are doing just fine. Don't worry so much. We will muddle though this together.

[Sighing, Waver put his arms around Diarmuid and leaned his head on the knight's shoulder.]

...I want to know how I'm supposed to help you.

I don't know... I wish I knew another answer to give you besides what I already have, but I don't.

[Diarmuid rests his head gently against his friend's.]

Unless you know a magic spell that will fix things? I don't suppose they ever taught you something that useful did they?

[It's mostly a joke, but...]

Heh--I'm afraid I don't kn-...

[Waver stopped abruptly, as though a thought presented itself midsentence.]

...You said you have trouble with nightmares, right?

[Diarmuid nods, sitting back so that he can look at Waver.]

Yes, I have had them ever since I arrived. It's been confusing since servants aren't suppose to be able to dream. I don't know if it is something to do with what the tower has done to us or if it is even right to call them dreams since they are actually just twisted versions of my own memories, but they are there and not something I can just ignore.

Why do you ask?

Well, if it's something like that there are a couple things I can do. One, I can cast a spell for dreamless sleep on you every night. I used to use it on myself all the time, so I know it works. Two, in the event that fails I could just keep our spirit link open. I can't say my own memories are pleasant, but they're better than most nightmares.

[Diarmuid shakes his head, bowing it slightly.]

I hate to bother you with such a thing, and my magic resistance is pretty high. I don't know if your spell would work... No, actually it probably would. My brother spelled me to sleep once. It was during that messed up event back in January, but I don't know why it wouldn't work now as well. But I had to be in bed for him to cast it. Does this mean you are inviting me to stay in your room until we find out about that request?

[He smiles teasingly at Waver for a moment before falling more serious.]

The second method I am not so comfortable with. That link...it can go both ways. I cannot risk you seeing the things I have been seeing. They are just too horrible...

If...if you wanted to, I wouldn't mind.

[Waver paused, thinking the matter over for a moment.]

You probably have a point--I can't argue that, but it still seems wrong for me not to try everything I have available.

[Diarmuid lightly squeezes Waver's shoulder.]

It will be all right. Lets try the spell first and if it doesn't work, then we can try the link, okay? Besides, that way if one thing helps we will know which it is instead of having to guess.

And if it doesn't bother you for me to stay here more, I will. No offense to your ability to take care of yourself, but with so many people going missing, I would really rather keep an eye on you as much as I can. My brother being missing is bad enough. If you went missing too...

It doesn't bother me. Considering the kind of place this is, I'd feel much better if I knew where you were as much as possible. Not to mention there's obvious safety in numbers.

Yes, I would be worried even if this wasn't a Jason month. It being so just makes things all that much worse.

[Diarmuid shuts his eyes for a moment, pushing away the ball of dread forming in his stomach.]

I have a terrible feeling that I will need that sleep spell when this is all over...

...me too.

[Waver sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.]

Whatever happens...we'll get through it. Even if this place kills us a few times over, I'm sure we can recover.

[Don't speak too soon, Waver.]

If it is all the same to you, I would rather we avoid death as much as possible. Especially, you. I would really rather not have more blanks...

[His eyes suddenly widen. The idea...it is a horribly selfish one, but at the same time it might finally let him know what had happened during his breakdown.]

D-do you think that opening the link might let you see a memory of mine even if I am not able to remember it? Like it's something that is still there, but blocked from my conscious mind?

...I don't actually know. Every time it worked for us before was basically an accident.

[Waver had guessed at what Diarmuid was thinking; while he wasn't thrilled about the concept, he had to admit he wanted to know what happened as well.]

I'm willing to try it if you are.

Ah...that is true. I didn't think about that. I...don't want to expose you to such things if we don't know that it will work.

[Diarmuid takes a deep breath, though it doesn't seem to completely erase the disappointment from his eyes.]

Just forget I said anything. Maybe once I find my brother, he will tell me what I did. Sir Lancelot didn't seem inclined to. He just said he didn't hold it against me, and Kariya is very angry with me so I doubt I will be able to find out from him.

Diarmuid...it's alright. Look, I mean it when I say I'm willing to try this; I understand the kind of risks we're playing with here and I don't mind it. If you want me to try and find out what happened, I will.

My only warning is that I have no idea what you might end up seeing in return.

[Diarmuid smiles softly at him.]

Somehow, I doubt the worst of your memories will be anywhere near as bad as the best of mine. You know...things have not been easy for me. You might even end up seeing and feeling how things ended for me during the war. If we do this, you must swear to me on our bond that if at any time the memories become too much for you that you will tell me so that we can close down the link to stop the sharing.

Fine, I promise. I don't think you need to worry too much; I think I can handle it.

[Waver leaned his forehead against Diarmuid's closing his eyes and concentrating.]

Usually one of us might need to be asleep for this, but let me see if I can do this anyway. I want you to close your eyes and focus as much as you can on our link itself. I'll try to handle the rest myself.

Thank you.

[Diarmuid nods, closing his eyes and doing as Waver asks. He hadn't actually expected his friend to want to do it now, but why not? What reason is there to put things off? Others are looking for his brother and their friends. He can afford to take a little bit of time for this.]

All right, I am focusing. Begin whenever you are ready.

[Waver didn't particularly like to waste time; if they were both present and the subject was brought up, they may as well have given it a try then and there.]

[His focus was quickly brought entirely on the spirit link itself; Waver worked on conceptualizing it as a tangible thing which prana could be directed through. From there it was a matter of finding the mental aspect of it, not unlike trying to find the right signal on a radio.]

[And while he'd expected it to go both ways, he hadn't stopped to consider the degree to which his guard would have been lowered.]

['Blood determines a mage's power. This is a hard, unchanging truth, Waver Velvet.']

[Waver Velvet had once allowed himself to believe the Association would listen to reason. That someone would accept his thesis of effort and practice being of just as much worth as bloodline. Until he arrived in the Clock Tower, his only experience with magi had been his own caring and sympathetic parents; with them dead and buried years before, all that student had left was the harsh reality of a cutthroat world. And he hated it. Hated the countless students who pushed him around and laughed at his meager bloodline, hated this absurd structure upon which this world functioned, and above all else hated that godforsaken teacher who openly mocked the entire thesis Waver had tirelessly worked on.]

[In the eyes of the Association and the Clock Tower, 'Waver Velvet' really was nothing...and that was why he entered the Holy Grail War. A battle of ability, where titles and blood meant nothing. What better stage upon which to prove himself? Yet what did he find on the first night alone? More of the same derision, this time from that same lecturer who could and would kill him. He would die screaming and hating a world that never cared about him. A world that left him alone in every sense of the word.]

['It is remarkable, how this world has changed. Even shadows can speak and think themselves worth notice now. For surely none who calls themselves superior would hide within the dark like a coward, would they?']

[For the first time in the student's eighteen years of life, someone had stood up for him. Someone trusted this worthless third-generation magus and believed in him absolutely. This Servant he had summoned, whose name he didn't even yet know...he didn't spare a thought to Waver's bloodline or how incompetent he was. And for the first time since his parents had been lost to him, someone cared whether Waver Velvet lived or died.]

[When all had been said and done, the magus' only real regret was that he never had the ability to express just how much that simple fact meant to him.]

Edited (i can't spell) 2013-04-17 06:13 (UTC)

[While Diarmuid had been prepared for some of Waver's memories to be shared over the link since his friend had pointed out the possibility, he hadn't expected the memories to come so fast...

...or be so vivid.

The feeling of loneliness tears at his heart. So sharp. So familiar. And yet, Diarmuid realizes that of the two of them, he is the luckier one. He had spent most of his life surrounded and loved by others. It had only been those last few years that he had felt alone and even then he had not been. Not really. Oscar had still been there. Oisin had still been there. His father had still been there.

Waver'd had no one for most of his life.

And the hatred. Diarmuid hadn't known enough to understand that what he saw in Fionn's eyes had indeed been hatred. Even as his master had forgiven him, the hatred had been there.

Waver'd had no such innocence or naivety to protect him.

Unconsciously, his hands seek out Waver's and close around them comfortingly.

Diarmuid doesn't often like himself anymore, but he can't help but smile when he hears the words Waver's version of him had said. They speak of pure truth. Of loyalty. Of devotion. All of those things Diarmuid had once been.

And they had been the right thing to say to comfort one who deserved it more than anyone.

He leans forward just enough to brush his lips against Waver's, a wordless gesture meant to let the man know it is okay he had not been able to express his feelings then. They are understood now.

Once done, Diarmuid fully focuses back on the link, searching the best he can for the memories he knows are there, but are hidden from him. Perhaps, if he focuses on the pain and the hate he had felt, he will be able to find them even without knowing where they are.

It's just a shame things can never be that easy, especially now that he has so many memories tied to some kind of pain or hatred...]

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